mind

Just checking in with you all. This has been one seriously emotionally difficult week for me, which I have not experienced since early December.

This is because I am literally living in a time of uncertainty, on many fronts. And my TBI induced PTSD mind seems to be striving to operate during this time in a state of anxiety. As I type this, I will ask, does the anxious mind crave stress? I am convinced my mind runs to or strives to live in an anxious state. Really, I am sure this form of addiction to stress is true: i.e., it’s like craving something or dealing with a habit.

Anyway, again, I am simply checking in. Honestly, I think my mind has kept me too internally focused to even open this app most of this week. Thanks for being here!

There are times when what has been becomes suddenly much more real then usual.
Not as a flashback - they're definitely different - but more like a realization that what's in my memories, in my patterns, in my body and mind has really happened, some time ago in my life.

What surprises me the most is:
I'm not fine, even though I'm better than in previous months and years, but, the hell, compared to before it's like I'm in Heaven.

It doesn't bring me the positivity and mood switch I might expect, it weights the same, most of the times, but it surely helps me redimensioning the whole picture.
I'm grateful, overall, for one thing: now, when I have my crisis, they're still bad and, sometimes, worse than other times years ago, BUT they're crisis: they happen from time to time. (I'm not talking about being on low mood; to me, before, it was much more than that: tentacles slipping out of my head trying to choke me and smash anything inside and around me).
I can feel my mind clean, and, yup, I'm now crying, all of a sudden.

I'd never wanna go back to before.

A week ago I was writing a post I've never shared and, when recalling the bad effects the thing I was talking about had on me, I realized the list was very very long and very very painful and messy.
What makes it often difficult for me to comprehend my patterns and problems is that I tend to hide them, and then forget about them, over the years.

Thing is, there has been terror.
I don't wanna include the details, because I'm aware that for someone they could be not nice.

I shared this picture (search for Riftress on Pinterest, if you're interest - I really like these works) because it is one of the pics I saved back then.
Something have sucked up my own self from my life and I think it was the exhaustion from that period.

Crying helps me too.
If now I'm crying, it means it really has been hard.
Since I tend to hide and minimize, since people shared their issues with me and rarely listened to me, always ignored the signals I was pointing out and since things for me often changed - environmentally speaking - I tend to forget.
To me, now, it feels like I'm based on a void past.
It doesn't mean I'd wanna linger on it: just that in order to understand why I am the way I am today I need to recall.

Times like this one, though, makes me wanna go back that before and erase everything. Why it had to be so damageful.
Again, though, I tend to hide: none really witnessed in person any free expression of my mental state, so, then, it feel more righteous to minimize it. This confuses me.

Though I think it's not fair to compair: the same trauma can have different outcomes on different people; that's why I think crying is helpful -> it spots out the fact that what I'm feeling and thinking about - recalling - has really been a hardship for me.

But it seems impossible that all the dark lump has really left. Did it?
Instead of feeling and expressing itself in dark and full of --- ways*, my mind's just flat. That's the new pattern, I guess.
I've been backfired.
* I don't really feel at ease sharing details, again, but I don't know how to express it.

I still have issues to work on, sometimes - often - I just can take my mind anymore, I often have no energy to live my life, but sure it changed. Time heals.
And I've understood myself and other people better, in the meanwhile, which has been another fundamental turning point.
And I can't express how grateful I am whenever I get to become more aware then before. I love understanding.
So - I still can change and for the better.
There's and I have hope in it.

#Reflection #throwback #Trauma #Crisis #time #Understanding #past #Memory #Pain #cry #Life #mind #pattern #backfired #Healing #Awareness #HealingProcess #exhaustion #Monster #illness #MentalHealth #growing #growth #Present #Hope #change #Grief #Energy

The body reveals itself in all its manifestations: through posture, gestures, muscle tone, attitudes of interaction, mastery of space, and speech. Science affirms that the body holds the explanation for the functioning of the mind. The physical constitution and its external characteristics would define, therefore, the performance of people's psyche. In 1933, the Austrian Wilhelm Reich, physician, psychoanalyst and one of Sigmund Freud's disciples, published for the first time the results of his research within psychoanalysis.
#MentalHealth #Selfcare #mind #body #Selfesteem

Hello everyone!
I just wanted to recommend this eBook. It helped me a lot to understand myself and to accept myself the way I am. It also helped me in various areas in life like work, relationships, and University as well!
Just leaving a recommendation of something that helped me and might help others as well:)

clajusv.wixsite.com/thebodyrevealthemind
#Ebook #Ebook #mind #body

I totally recommend this book. It is a book based on psychoanalysis that amplifies your knowledge on the way you think, feel, and act in various situations of life. This understanding was of great importance in my life & led me to self-knowledge. This book taught me how our character traits are formed, and how they will be reproduced in the body. The nervous system will be formed during the 5 stages of our lives . And it all start in our mother's womb!
With this content I learned how to deal with my character traits in my day to day life.
clajusv.wixsite.com/thebodyrevealthemind
#MightyBookClub #Selfcare #Selflove #psychoanalysis #psychology #mind #MentalHealthCare

“Whatever you are physically...male or female, strong or weak, ill or healthy--all those things matter less than what your heart contains. If you have the soul of a warrior, you are a warrior. All those other things, they are the glass that contains the lamp, but you are the light inside.”
- Cassandra Clare

Wildlife photography has been my way to enjoy the present, to focus in on the wonder of nature and see it in its purest form. In mother natures arms there aren’t the human constructs we are bound by there is no time, no expectation, no judgement, no fear, no insecurity nor need to identify and control just a place to be, to be me connected to all things and free of thought and full of life. Man have I felt my pain body calling me of late, showing me all the many dark and negative sides, urging me to fall so it can feast but in existence there is always polarity so for every negative thought there is the light of the now, there is a way. Remember always and right now that you are more than your mind, more than your illnesses and struggles the light of existence is in you all. When you feel yourself falling into a cycle use that as a trigger to remind yourself of your blessings, to be present and connected. It’s so easy to surrounder to the notion your life story is written in the pages of your past but we can turn the page, change the narrative and trust the journey.

I wish every single one of you happiness and joy

#Depression #Anxiety #Hope #Presence #Serenity #mind

This is my mind tonight. It's sometimes what keeps me awake. I feel like I am all sorts of mixed up sometimes. LOL

#Insomnia
#mind
#scrambled
#BipolarDisorder
#Anxiety
#Depression