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Huge Victory Today!!!
For the people who have watched, “Fatherhood” on Netflix will understand this post….
I get home like every night and the first thing I do is always go get Isabelle (my 16yr old daughter) and we talk about our day. Today she informs me that she finally watched the movie, and said how she cried the entire time. So I push to have her feel that emotion and try and explain it to me ….. I asked what made it so sad for you?
{my daughters know my childhood trauma, and how growing up without a mother was something they’ve always understood about their Mama} I was raised where shit was always swept under the rug, we turn our heads, and we zip it!!!! Well, seeing how fucked up I turned out by not being allowed to show emotion, I made the decision to always be open and honest with my children and allow them the freedom to become whoever they’re suppose to be…
Isabelle answers my question, asking her what made her so sad.. This was what she said to me:
Mama it was the part when she stayed over with one of her friends, and the little girl who’s never had a Mommy, watched her friend be tucked in by her Mommy, and receiving hugs and kisses, the little girl, sitting alone taking it all in as she was watching and she didn’t have a Mama to ever tuck her in…. All I could think about was you, mama.
I don’t know what this makes me cry happy tears, but also sad tears bc deep down I know she is suffering with BPD too…. I’ve got her a referral in to a psychiatrist…. She caught me tooth and nail with therapy so I talked with her pediatrician and asked if we could bypass that part right now bc she’ll never be assessed if I wait for her to stick with her “teleappts” long enough to get to the real dr…. Is that my Disorder or am I being vigilant? Ugh that spiraled. Sorry guys….thank God I’m comfy here bc I’m not going to proofread!!! If it makes no sense. …. Mehhh
#Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPDDiagnosis #BPDMom #MentalHealth
