unwanted

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    Intrusive thoughts

    Does anyone else struggle with ocd/intrusive thoughts? It makes me feel so alone. Has anyone been able to cope or have any feedback on things I should try that may have helped them? #OCD #unwanted thoughts #hopeless

    Post

    Worthless. Unwanted. There's no point to me being here. These are the things my mind keep telling me.

    Lately my mind is a dangerous place to be. I just feel utterly worthless and unwanted and question why I'm even here when all I'm doing is going through the motions and just existing rather than actually living. I am exhausted. Insomnia is kicking my butt lately and between that, my anxiety and depression, it's all just making my mental health plummet. And I know part of the reason is some stupid health issues I'm having that I go to the doctor for in a couple weeks, but I can't help but think that once those issues are resolved, that it's not going to make things better and I'm just going to go back to struggling like I normally do, just without the health issues adding to that. I'm just exhausted from trying to pretend that I'm happy, that I'm okay. I am tired of putting on this show for everyone around me. But in the back of my mind, I know that if I were to show how I'm feeling and speak about how I'm feeling and the thoughts I'm thinking, people would leave just like they always do when things get too real. I just don't even know what to do anymore.
    #Anxiety #Depression #Insomnia #worthless #unwanted

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    No more

    Nothing but compassion, understanding and friendship I’ve offered to this person durring this time when they have been transitioning from mtf.

    I’m not interested in a relationship, which I’ve told them many different times and ways.

    They went ahead and planed a Valentine’s Day weekend for us after everything and went I told them my honest feelings and that I’ve also been sick with a bad cold. This...this is what I received in return.

    I’m done being nice. My walls are going up, and as far as I’m concerned we’re no longer friends. Shame on me for trying when they clearly do not care about me as anything other than as their significant other.

    #CheckInWithMe #EmontionalAbuse #Valentines #givingup #upsetwithmyself #Anxiety #Depression #alone #unwanted

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    Maybe I'm destined to be lonely, wishing I others to talk to abiut the pain, loneliness I'm suffering, people say the mighty is the best App

    Wishing I had Others to Talk to, but, as I Look at Others Post and Interaction, Maybe I'm Destined to Be Lonely.

    I have
    Congenital Hydrocephalus,
    Retinaopathy of Prematurity
    Hypertonia
    Chronic Knee, Ankle, Shoulder, Wrist Pain
    2 L5 S1 Discectomies
    Diverticulitis
    Essential Tremors
    Epicondylitis
    Possible Neuropathy
    Possible RA
    Carpal Tunnel Syndrome
    De Quarveins Tenosyvitis

    #Painsomnia
    #ChronicPain
    #ChronicIllness
    #Lonliness
    #unwanted
    #unloved
    #Pain
    #PainSufferer
    #Nosupport
    #Nosupportsystem

    Post

    Do Over

    Can I have a Full Body Transplant, walking is an issue daily, getting up and getting out of bed is a daily issue, pain is a daily issue, jerking, shaking, asking for help is a min by min issue, and never happens, God, I feel like I'm 66 not 36, thank u all for being supportive, I need to give in when people wanna help, I just don't want them to see me like this, life stinks when u r Chronically Ill and in pain daily.

    Finding the good in a day is extremely difficult, especially when people want to help, Can I have a Full Body Transplant, walking is an issue daily, getting up and getting out of bed is a daily issue, pain is a daily issue, jerking, shaking, asking for help is a min by min issue, and never happens, God, I feel like I'm 66 not 36, thank u all for being supportive, I need to give in when people wanna help, I just don't want them to see me like this, life stinks when u r Chronically Ill and in pain daily.

    Finding the good in a day is extremely difficult, especially when people want to help, and u sadly think of ur past, and push them away, because I know when they see me like this, they'll walk away amyways, so, I don't let them get to close.

    Even ur near and far, FB family and friends u push away by saying you'll get tired of me being sick, being negative and walk away, and they want that chance to prove u wrong, which they have, but, u still try and push them away, because u think and know in ur heart it'll just be a matter of time before they leave, because u r wearing them out with ur sickness and pain.

    I just want to apologize for being this way

    of ur past, and push them away, because I know when they see me like this, they'll walk away amyways, so, I don't let them get to close.

    Even ur near and far, FB family and friends u push away by saying you'll get tired of me being sick, being negative and walk away, and they want that chance to prove u wrong, which they have, but, u still try and push them away, because u think and know in ur heart it'll just be a matter of time before they leave, because u r wearing them out with ur sickness and pain.

    I just want to apologize for being this way

    #NewBody
    #DoOver
    #Lonliness
    #Friendlessness
    #unloved
    #unwanted

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    Unwanted (Part 2 of 2)

    Yesterday, I also repeated a pattern which always makes me feel worse: noticing that someone I love, someone extremely important to me, no longer loves me, I tried to look and be my best in hopes it would win their affection or approval. When I was a little girl, this used to occasionally work with my parents (actually it still does occasionally work), and I’ve resorted to it in desperation ever since: with my sister, with my ex-fiance. It never works, but I still TRY it; in fact it usually makes things worse, and that’s what happened yesterday. As with my ex-fiance, my partner scarcely even looked at me. I could barely keep my chin up yesterday. I was already heartbroken.

    I am just very very sad, my Mighty friends. I feel grief-sick to my soul and guilty for still needing things from a person who’s sick of me, and I’m trying to hide it all in an effort to give him time and emotional/mental space without pressure and to be as gracious to my partner as he has always been to me. I love him so much, and my heart is breaking. I feel defeated — no one wants me, not even at my best, not even the person who loved me so very, very, very much. Why? Why have his feelings changed so much and so suddenly; what did I do?? It’s making me feel like I really am as awful as I always thought.

    I’m trying so hard to just hold it together so that I don’t make an already-horrible-for-both-of-us situation even worse.

    Thank you for reading my long, miserable post. I appreciate this community so much.

    #Grief #Relationships #Sadness #relationshipanxiety #Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth #RareDisease #Spoonie #Spoonies #heartbreak #Love #BodyDysmorphicDisorder #BDD #unwanted #Trauma #Childhoodtrauma

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    Unwanted (Part 1 of 2)

    Please forgive me as I pour my heart out here — I’m not really sure where else to pour it out.

    Some of you who know me from around The Mighty may know that in spite of being a person who loves many people and is involved with many things which matter to me deeply, THE most important person in my life is my partner, and THE most precious thing in my life is our relationship. This isn’t because I’m lacking in identity or looking to him for things I lack, but because our love truly is precious to me, and everything else in my world matters much less in comparison to that.

    My partner and I have been separated since the start of quarantine, but last week, after three weeks of a hellish and dangerous ordeal for me, my partner came to pick me up. I am at his home now, slowly recovering from what was truly a traumatizing few weeks.

    My partner was sad to be separated throughout quarantine, and we both struggled with being apart. When I told him I’d need his help and care after this recent ordeal, he was THRILLED that we’d be together again and that I’d finally be visiting him in his new home. We were both excited to have each other close again, and he was particularly happy not to have to be alone anymore in a place where he knows almost no one and everything is closed and cancelled because of Covid.

    Imagine my heartbreak when, within 5 days, my beloved partner can scarcely stand the sight of me, was happier when he was alone than he is with me even though being alone caused him to slide into frequent depression, and seems to be currently reconsidering whether he wants to be in this relationship because his feelings for me are changing so drastically and rapidly. Meanwhile, I feel extremely in the way and am kicking myself for again being in a situation where I am a burden upon someone who, though ever-gracious, is sick of me. I love my partner with all my heart and soul, and if I allow myself to begin feeling the grief and devastation of losing this beloved person and relationship, I will have a complete breakdown and not be able to function or hide my pain — the LAST thing I want to do is leave my partner with that on his hands.

    I am struggling with feeling unwanted and feeling like a burden, with also the possibility of losing everything most precious and beloved in my life, looming over the horizon.

    My heart is breaking already. I look at all the pretty things I brought here to look nice when I’m with my love, and I want to cry. I think about all the fun things we wanted to do together while I visit, and my heart breaks. I think about what it will be like on the drive back when I know it’ll be the last time we see one another, and I want to wail with grief.

    #Grief #Relationships #Sadness #relationshipanxiety #Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth #RareDisease #Spoonie #Spoonies #heartbreak #Love #BodyDysmorphicDisorder #BDD #unwanted #Trauma #Childhoodtrauma

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    Last night

    Last night I had a mental breakdown, I cried for more than 3 hours, I texted my friend and she came and took care of me. I never call a friend when I’m crying because I don’t want anyone to see my weakness, but yesterday I did. I did because my head couldn’t stop overthinking. My head couldn’t stop the bad scenarios. My head couldn’t stop the unwanted thoughts, so I reached out to a friend.
    I feel like me showing my weakness for the first time, made me more vulnerable to my friend. I’m here, I have emotions, I have my bad days, I have my days where I can cry for hours and wake up with a headache.
    From now on, I will not be afraid to show my weakness. I will not be afraid to show my emotions. I will not be afraid to cry for hours and ask for help because I was so close yesterday to end my life but I asked for help.
    Overthinking is not easy, it can put us through tough times more like unwanted times. But my emotions are valid and as much as I hate overthinking as much as I loved the idea that my overthinking made me cry for hours.
    #overthinking #help #SuicidalThoughts #unwanted #Reachoutforsupport #Mentalbreakdown #Emotion

    Question

    Does anyone else have unwanted thoughts?

    I have bipolar 2 and have been having unwanted thoughts for a few months. I was diagnosed in 2002, and have been on alot of different meds since then, but have never had this before. I’m not sure if they are just part of my bipolar now or maybe from my meds (Lamictal) and I want to talk to my doctor about it but not sure when I’ll get see her, so I wanted to find out if anyone else has them and how you deal with them?

    Btw mine are always negative, intrusive, and always opposite of how I really feel about an issue or a person, etc. I really want them to stop, but the only way I’ve been able to do that is to not take my Lamictal and go into hypomania, which isnt good but feels good and my mind shuts up for awhile! #unwanted thoughts #Bipolar

    Post

    #alone #lonely #unwanted #Depression

    i am struggling today. it might end it soon. i just dont want this roller coaster of recovery and depression again and again.