My anxiety is through the roof... my landlady is kicking me out so she can move in, which means I have had to send my cats to live with my mom for now. So after 3,5 years, I'm alone and having to arrange a moving situation, which is the thing that stressed me out most in the world. And the prospect of having to go back to my moms for now is literally making me want to throw up... I know it may seem nothing compared to what other people are going through, but I've had a few tough years and am hitting breaking point #Anxiety#anxious #breakingpoint #whyisitsoHARD#alone
What are some of your "atypical" symptoms that are not textbook for #Hypomania and depression? In having trouble articulating it to my loved ones, even after being diagnosed 15 years ago. #hardtoexplain #Bipolar2Disorder#whyisitsoHARD
I am in a constant battle with myself, my thoughts, my feelings. I can't control my mind. If my bf doesn't show me the proper amount of attention, which I'm not sure what the proper amount is btw, I fall to pieces and swear he doesn't love me anymore. Did he ever love me to begin with? Am I just a game or a sick joke? Am I even worth living? I feel an uncontrollable urgeto self harm. I haven't done that since high school. Drugs took the place of self harm. I try and I try to make myself feel differently but it never works. Idk how to even carry on a day when I feel this magnitude of worthlessness. I want to be wanted, I want someone to miss me when I die. As of now I'm pretty sure no one would even notice if I killed myself, or if I just died. No one would care, no one would even think twice about it. I have no family, I have no friemds. I have nothing, noone, and not a single person in my corner. Death would just be easy at this point. Idk who or how I'd get buried?! The only thing that helps with these feelings are Xanax, lots of Xanax and unfortunately I don't have insurance so I'm up shit Creek without a paddle, just being drug along by the current in which ever way it sees fit. My bf caught me cutting yesterday and threw my razor out the front door. I just wanted to feel something different. I hadn't cut myself since high school but puttin the blade thru my skin was a relief feeling. it only lasted a sec B4 the blade was gone. We all live just to die. why can't I just hurry up and die!? #SuicidalThoughtsAndTendencies#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder#Selfharmrelapse#Cutting#whyisitsoHARD#Worthlessness#unwanted#unloved#nevermissed#willitend#BPDMom#helpme
I wish I could do my life over with what I know now. I wish life would be more easy than it needs to be. I struggle with #Depression since my early 20’s. My biggest regrets is that I did not get to marry my first love and I could not have a family. I’m moving on with what I have but why it has to be still harder and be this way? What more can I do for myself? Those are my thoughts today I could not share on Facebook with my family and friends... Sighs.... #whyisitsoHARD
How can someone sit in a doctor’s appointment with you, hear a diagnosis straight out of the doctor’s mouth, and still not grasp the fact that the symptoms are from the condition, and NOT your fault?!? My father has struggled with accepting and/or understanding my ADHD since I was a child. He sat in my appointment when I was diagnosed with Bipolar. He met with my psychiatrist and discussed the symptoms and effects of my OCD, BPD, ADHD, and Bipolar. (I also have Fibromyalgia, Lupus, Osteoarthritis, and Diabetes 2.) He STILL continually grouches about my behavior and daily patterns. Currently, my 14 year old son (who also has and depression/anxiety issues) and I are living with my Dad. He has been a bit more understanding than he was before he recently started feeling his age (84). I think actually seeing how my pain cycle runs, and how I FIGHT to do the things I want and need to do has helped some, also. Still, there are days I just want to scream, “I’m trapped in this stupid body that hurts me and prevents me from doing the things I love, and NOBODY understands how frustrated I am with it because they are too busy being frustrated with ME!” I rage against the darkness that threatens to envelop me, but sometimes I get so tired, and so disheartened that the little voice in my head whispers, “You know, could just give in. No one would even notice or care.” (There are days I’d like to get ahold of that little voice, encase it in cement, and drop it into the nearest lake!) My only respite is that my best friend also has chronic conditions similar to mine. It helps SO much to be able to vent to someone who actually understands what I’m going through. I just need to find a way for my invisible illnesses to stop making ME feel invisible. All I want is to be “normal” again!!! However, since I know that’s impossible, it would be awfully nice to be seen and treated for who I AM, and not for the affects of the conditions I have. Ugh. ::headdesk:: #ADHD#BipolarDisorder#RapidCyclingBipolar#ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder#ObsessiveCompulsivePersonalityDisorder#ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder#BPD#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder#Fibromyalgia#Osteoarthritis#Lupus#why#whyisitsoHARD#Rage against the darkness
REMEMBER I'M NEVER ALONE, BUT I DO HAVE TO REACH OUT
How is it I feel alone in a crowded room. I feel alone just visiting my daughter and two Wonderful grandson's. If I'm home alone I feel even worse than around people, yet going out gives me severe anxiety attacks. I know I need to push myself hard, and just get up and get out. Small steps, can be huge progress! Trying to accept and forgive myself for this issue and work my way out of it as I can, without negative thoughts about my own progress! #lonely#alone#Depression#Anxiety#panic#reallife#MentalHealth#whyisitsoHARD ##IAmNotAlone#youarenotalone#MyChallenge2019 😃
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