brokeness

At the beginning of the month, my therapist told me (via email, sent while I was in-patient) that she is “professionally incapable of providing me the support that I need”. Incidentally, this is the second time I’ve been told this. (The first time was last summer.) I thought it was hard hearing that for the first time. But the second time is significantly worse because now my brokenness is a well-established pattern.

In trying to find a new counselor, I set up three intakes over the past two weeks. Of those, one told me that she didn’t think she could help. And I didn’t seem to “click” with another. Even betterhelp.com told me that I wasn’t a good candidate for teletherapy and that I need to look elsewhere.

I’m starting to wonder if there is any hope for me. It doesn’t feel like there is any hope.

#CheckInWithMe #hopeless #NeedSupport #Counseling #brokeness

Have you ever thought in a million years that you would carry guilt,anger, hurt and emotional stress that it would actually break you apart to the point of where you cry, can’t eat and your mind just won’t shut off? I hate these feeling. I’m new to this sorry #pstd #brokeness #Cryingspells #Emotion

28 days ago, I asked a heartfelt question
Born of hurt and uncertainty, and full of desperation
6 little monosyllabic words, that aren’t very much to see,
Formed the simple, yet complex sentence, ‘What do you see in me?’
So as I strummed on my guitar, I repeated it like a mantra
Between tears of grief and sobs of pain, I felt as dead as cancer.
The words seemed stuck within a void, bouncing off the ceiling
The loneliness and isolation was an unbearable feeling.
Fast forward a few more days and I received an answer there
When reading a devotion and giving myself to prayer
This God breakthrough filled the hole. It made me so glad when
God told me I was His treasured possession, a beautiful to behold gem.
What joy!  What release!  At last, a truth that set me free.
To hear just what my Father God truly thinks of me!
And so each day, though trials still come amidst uncertainty
God pours out His blessing so much, it overflows the sea.
I desperately want more of this truth, I no longer will abide
With my constant companion, A.K.A. the King Lie.
But I will lay all my brokenness at the feet of the King of Kings
And see what trade He will make, we what treasure He brings.
But now I just need to praise, thank Him for all He has done,
And it all began on Calvary, with the sacrifice of His Son.
To think that He would die for me, at my absolute worse
To be a perfect sacrifice that would break the curse.
I’m free! I’m free! I’ve been redeemed! O thank You Christ my Saviour
Now you’re turning a tasteless life into 1 that’s full of flavour.
Please continue your work in me, every day, even when I’m old.
I want to be more and more transformed into Jesus’ mould.
And then 1 sweet day, I’ll be with You, for all eternity.
I can even imagine sitting on my Father’s knee.
So thank You for all you’ve done and all You’re going to do.
I can’t wait to live the rest of my life with You!

(c) Mark Bryant 2018

#Anxiety
#Depression
#Identity
#god
#salvation
#brokeness
#Feeling