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#brokenheart #brokenhearts #Brokenhearted #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
Do you think your feelings of a broken heart are actually your heart breaking?
What else can be causing so much pain? 🤔
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brokenhearts
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I don’t feel like myself anymore #fallingapart #Depression #Anxiety #AnxietyTriggers
The relationship with my lover was the only reliable, safe, stable thing in my life. I could doubt myself, but not the love we had for each other. One day, he decided to end it all. I can only wonder if it were not for my chronic depression, we would continue together.
He told me many things: that he loved me, that he wanted to start a family with me... his words gave me security and I decided to open my heart. I told him about my feelings, my problems, my fears. With him I was my true self. But he left me, that leads me to think that the real me is disgusting, that no one should see it.
I feel like this pain will never end. I miss him with all my heart and every day I look at my cellphone waiting for a message, a show of regret... I don’t get anything. I feel more alone than ever that I want to die.
With depression, anxiety and a broken heart, I feel like I am falling apart.
#Depression #Loneliness #fallingapart #Breakups #brokenhearts #Anxiety
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The memory of our first night stays with me. You stood over me like a lion watching its prey. A touch of passion and control. I couldn’t look away from your deep stare. The intimate frightening magical fire of that night will never leave me. You happily accepted my sudden obsession of you. You soon declared I belong to you as long as the sun burns. You put your life in my heart but mine isn’t in yours. With almost a laugh, you brutally ruined my worth. You break me like a breeze. You haunt me daily. I hear you. I see you. I taste you. I feel you. But despite my want you are nowhere. You exist only long enough to hurt me. The pain you gave runs through my veins like a derailed train. You smile with power knowing when you call for me despite my wounds I will run to you without a breath.
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Our “boxes” of feelings
On March 9, 2017, my 17 year old nephew was the starting point guard for the Muenster Hornets in the UIL 2A State Championship High School Basketball team. It was an incredible joy for our family. Of course, I wasn’t able to attend because I was having a ventricular brain shunt inserted. As I listened on the radio and my husband and I texted back forth, I was so caught up in the semi-final games. Luckily I was released in time to go home and watch the finals on television. My nephew played wonderfully. I couldn’t wait to see him. Unfortunately, I had some complications and was on house arrest for the next two months. on Saturday May 20, my husband and his brother had gone to play golf early and I got the worst call of my life. My husband said that Cal had been injured in a wreck the night before and they did not find him until 6 that morning. I jumped in the shower all the while pleading with God that our precious boy be alright but at the same time I could feel in my gut that he was gone. We arrived at the hospital running into my sister-in-laws arms and all she could say was, “there’s no brain activity She’ll. Can that come back?”. Now I am by far a doctor but I was the only person she knew who had been around medicine as much as I have in that room. The only words of assurance I could give her was that he was in good hands and more importantly he was in God’s hands. We set at that hospital from 8 am until 10:30 pm because they wanted to donate what organs they could. His entire basketball, baseball & golf team came along with many other friends, neighbors and family. We left that hospital with a huge hole in each of our hearts and our entire family. You see, my box is not full yet because I haven’t been able to put away all of his playoff t-shirts, programs & pictures. I think part of my holding on is because my husband and I were unable to have children so his sister’s two children and my sister’s two children we basically consider our own (except we spoil them rotten and send them home). So I pray you Rest In Peace my precious John Calvin York September 12, 1999 - May 20, 2017 # #brokenhearts #rip #Basketballstar #MuensterHornets #foreverinourheart
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