BTSArmy

🇰🇷When 2 Worlds Meet🇺🇲

Tonight I met my love in a dream. I saw him when I woke up, his flight to New York, and I know his attendance to the Jimmy Fallon show tomorrow the 21st is yet to happen. I know I wanted to win the contest through Z100 New York to meet with him and hang out at the Empire State Building. I wanted to attend a concert in Tampa to see him, and one in New Jersey if I could not make Tampa Florida.

None of these things have come to fruition... Except in my mind.

All my life I wanted to be like someone else so I can feel loved and accepted by their world. I often recall my life being like Ariel, pressed to live a life that I do not really want to live based on physical features and life limitations. Ariel was a mermaid, had no legs to walk the shore, and she also had obligations to her father King Triton's kingdom within the ocean.

Her voice was powerful in her skills and abilities. She was a collector such as myself. She collected the things she loved and still wanted to collect more. She didn't care about those things after a while. She wanted more. She wanted to finally be a part of that world.

I have thought long about the things I experienced over the years of my life. The song "Dream, Dream, Dream" by Everly Brothers is a song that sings with my heart. It was a reflection that I have spent many years dreaming my life because I have been unable to live my life the way I see it. My mind has a beautiful world, and the love that is expressed there is pure and dedicated.

SO... TONIGHT as I lay my head on the pillow thinking about my Jin... I say I love you.

Sweet Dreams.

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Hello Friends.

Today is a day where work was slow, but it also felt productive at times. Things do not always turn out how we want them to, especially when uncertainty lingers in the air. Imagine, working at your job and you know a change is likely to occur.

You see it like a hurricane off the shore, aware that it may come into your path. While you remain in the cone of uncertainty, your mind can dances between dreams and reality.

It is difficult to express this idea to someone who has not ever experienced it before. It is as though you are mentally preparing for an issue to happen, but also aware it could entirely miss you.

Similarly, I am storm prepping in regards to my employment adjustments. I don't know when things will change, what will change, or how they will change at my job. But I know how important it is to remain mentally prepared for anything that can happen.

As someone who has anticipatory grief, it is not easy to shake that feeling. Did you know you can grieve over the loss of a job, or a friendship because that part of your life may "die"? I think you have experienced this once before. I do not know of many who have not.

Life is beautiful, but there are times where it is just as scary. The experiences we have are not always good ones and the fear sometimes feels bigger than the faith. However, the inner strength does not come from external relationships or from external influences. Inner strength to cope with uncertainty starts from within.

If you ever feel like you don't have faith... Sit in a chair. 🪑 Literally... Think about your chair. You automatically have faith because you know it is going to hold you up. No one had to tell you today that it will... You already know. This is where our inner beliefs are important.

In my case, though I may be facing a hurricane 🌀 and standing in the cone of uncertainty, I am doing what I can to prepare. This includes searching for a new job (an exit route) or battening down the hatches (staying in waiting, preparing,) for something to happen. But through it all... Allow your faith to become bigger than your fear...

#BipolarDisorder
#BTSArmy
#MentalHealth
#AnxietyDisorder
#PanicDisorder

Some of the best things in this world can come from feeling successful in what we do with our lives. Our jobs do not define who we are, but help us discover parts of ourselves we never knew existed.

I find it challenging to think about all the losses I experienced, just as you likely do. Working hard is an activity that we try to do as we attempt to become the best versions of ourselves at our jobs.

These discoveries of positives and negatives (opinions of ourselves) can help us translate them into strengths and weaknesses. However, our weaknesses do not mean we are weak people in particular, especially when it comes to completing challenging tasks.

My heart breaks 💔 when I think about all my previous jobs. I felt as if jobs were like relationships, you date them for a while, and if it does not work well, you find another place. This nearly killed my approach to working, though, because it meant I was struggling to find the right place.

At 39 years old, I feel scared as though I have so many wasted years behind me. However, this is not true. Sure, I am unable to "start" my career still because of the great saying, "You need experience" in order to get any type of experience in that job. I am struggling. But I am not giving up.

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#PanicDisorder