Hi! I'll attempt to keep this one short, unlike my other posts.
I grew up a non-smoker in a very much smoker family (everyone, including the teens, smoked except for grandma and me). We all live in one big family house which has three floors. Each of us, or I guess each "family unit" has their own flat, complete with the bathroom and kitchen etc. The smoking family members would all gather in the second floor hallway and chainsmoke with the window only a little cracked, pretty much using the place as a balcony.
As a kid I grew up with my emotionally neglectful & abusive grandmother who lived on the second floor, but very close to the stairs leading downstairs, away from the part of the hallway where they used to gather. This was ironically ideal as at least I didn't smell it as much back then and the only thing bothering me back then was the cat hair on my clothes I got bullied for and the feathers in my bedding I was allergic to, oh and I guess also grandma but that's besides the point. :P
Afterwards something happened that made my dad move me upstairs, and I remained there since then. This upstairs flat does not have a bathroom or a functioning kitchen, so I always have to walk down the stairs, open and close the door leading to the stairs and move through the second floor hallway if I want to go to the toilet, get kitchen appliances, literally just leave or move freely throughout the house.
As a kid it was really bad because, as I said, there were about 1-5 people smoking there at any random moment and I needed to power through that. Plus I couldn't have said anything to them either because they'd get mad I'm straying away from them or defending my health (lol fuckers).
Now at least most of the people have moved out and only two sometimes smoke there, so it's better. Still definitely not ideal, but better! Except for when some of them visit, like the teens that are now adults that now have a partner of their own who also smokes and that fuckass annoying baby they like to expose to second hand smoke that I have to pretend I find cute, even though it always reeks of smoke and shit and will probably end up with a shit ton of problems in the future. And then they all gather in the hallway and ruin the air again and again. The new people always seem to use the worst smelling brands, too, and I have to pretend like I appreciate their presence at all, which drains me to no ends. Can't wait for when they leave.
It bothers me a ton, because I have to time my actions throughout the day constantly like going to take a dump, taking out the trash, talking to people downstairs if it's needed or if they want me to etc. and it's annoying to do that and then miscalculate and end up with potential smoke in the hair/clothes/SELF and then just the feeling of not feeling clean and worrying about getting cancer. Plus the clothes were expensive, and just freshly washed.
It's also annoying when I time it juuust right, after they just smoked and I can still smell it in the air. I try to hold my breath but it isn't doing much. I always run upstairs really fast afterwards and get a tissue to blow into, I guess to reassure myself that I'm alright now.
A trip from the hallway and out of it usually takes me about 4 seconds because again, I try to be really fast, but running up the stairs while holding my breath all while the smoke is still seeping into the rest of my skin exacerbating my skin problems and possibly creating new ones in the process takes longer, around 7 seconds. My question is, how likely is this to impact my health?
I was toying with the idea of going to the cardiologist and telling him about all of this (except for the part where I'm inconsiderate about my family of course), so that he could maybe write a fake note telling them my issues got worse and that a potential culprit could have been their smoking, so if they please couldn't smoke outside instead. Corrupt, but it could work, I think?
Then again, the house is my grandma's, and she doesn't really care about any of this even though she is a non-smoker as well, so it's probably not accomplishable. Doubt she'd make an exception for JUST me either. Seems unbalanced.
Anyway, thank you for reading, and I will be glad for any responses. :)#CPTSD #EmotionalNeglect #Smoking #cigarettes #help #MentalHealth edited for the tags
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