Cancer

Hi, my name is alexandra_ruban. I'm here because I have been a breast cancer patient

#MightyTogether #Cancer

Hello! I am in the process of a official diagnosis of BP II. After a long stent of severe depression. My husband was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2019, and passed away in 2022. I had lots of depression throughout his cancer journey, and lots of anger as well. After he passed, things really changed. My depression was so debilitating and the RAGE. In 2 years I managed to run everybody out of my life but my mom, dad and 1 of 3 sons, work became entirely unmanageable. After many times of just laying in bed and calling my son and asking him to take me to the hospital because I don't want to live feeling like this, and eventually I put into plan to end my life. I finally opened up to a friend of mine that is a RN. I opened my heart and my shame to her. She told me I needed to get help, and down the rabbit hole I went.
I initially was put on Mirtazapine and OMFG, I felt like I was on meth, no sleep for about 7 days, running through the house thinking I was cleaning but instead it looked like a tornado touched down inside, I could not consetrate on any one thing without a flood of ideas just pouring into my head,the impulses, paranoia and then walking the tight rope of anger and rage.
I called my Dr. And they took me off of mirtazapine. So I am currently in the process of changing Dr.s, because that has been a whole other S**t show.
Now I am not on any meds, and have a multitude of both depression and mania. Hoping to get the ball rolling soon, because the mirtazapine really did help with my deep emptiness.
#BipolarDisorder

I used to be convinced something was wrong with me. It had to be something major too like heart problems or the big C (cancer) too. Basically, in my head, I was constantly worried about dying.

The concerns were a bit of a snowball effect of diagnoses that I did have. I have tachycardia (a heart condition) and I've had pre-cancer in my uterus. Neither one fatal, but my brain catasrophized these conditions. How scary is it to just decide you're dying and believe it?

Now, I know I'm sick. It's just a different kind of sick. Not sick from cancer but sick psychologically. Although my fears are slightly right. I am dying. I'm just slowly dying of old age like everyone else.