cervicalcancersurvivor

Hi Everyone, I am new and looking for help for my husband, he is 45 and has had 6 back surgeries. He is in constant pain… and is struggling to stay with us. We have a young child also, he is normally very very active until the last surgery. I am desperately searching for ways to help relieve the pain he has and to keep our family. 😔 I myself am a cancer survivor at 30th old, I am now 44…I have arthritis and effects from my treatments yrs ago that also make it hard for myself, lymphedema, brain fog, fatigue, arthritis, fibro, and of course anxiety lol being a mom taking care of my little one and supportive of my husband who is declining has been a real struggle but trying to be thankful for every day we have been blessed with 💜 #chronicbackpain #cervicalcancersurvivor #SuicidePrevention #ChronicPain

Background: I've been in a long-term relationship with a man for 15 years and he has been my carer and basically only friend. He has supported me Emotionally, physically and financially with surviving cancer, alcohol & drug addiction, and lifelong severe psychiatric and neurological disabilities that have deteriorated to the point that I can't work, function and barely leave the house as well as SH, suicide attempts and long hospitalization. He has some serious health conditions himself that I have tried to support him as best I can and he doesn't take care of himself or take his meds without my prompting.

The problem: I have always known I was attracted to women but told myself (and others) that I'm 'bi' because I was afraid to come out and I tried to tell myself that my feelings for my partner were the real deal because I cared about him deeply and we had been through so much together. He even knows that I have had relationships with women, before him and during a trial separation. I even refer to myself as 'queer' but as long as I'm in a hetero relationship I have to hide the fact that I've known for a long time that I'm a lesbian and *only* romantically and sexually attracted to women.
I hate lying and desperately want to be authentic but I don't want to hurt him. I care deeply for him, especially after all he has done and we've been through together and I worry that he will become unwell again. And honestly, selfishly, I don't want to be alone with no support - my conditions make it highly unlikely that I could take care of myself, let alone ever meet another woman like me, and even less likely that they would want to be with me.

I don't know if my rambling makes sense but I don't know what to do. Come out and lose him and be alone or stay closeted and keep my best friend and carer? Does this make me a horrible, selfish person? Has anyone been through something similar/can relate?

#LGBTQ #Lesbian #Relationships #Bipolar1Disorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MentalHealth #CPTSD #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #SocialPhobia #cervicalcancersurvivor #FunctionalNeurologicalDisorder #TemporalLobeEpilepsy #MigraineWithAura #CognitiveDisorders #Isolation #Selfharm #SuicideSurvivor

#menopause is distroyed my life and I don't have any real friends and he is my bf, I lost my sex drive with the menopause about 6 months ago but he has ms and I know we still love and need each other so please has anyone experienced this and does everyone have a good idea 💡 or clue #cervicalcancersurvivor /manic depressive if I can survive that why can't I just have sex with the man who is my soul mate xxxx