temporal lobe epilepsy

In my home we have a shopping list of invisible illnesses, and they are nearly impossible to manage all at once.
The Ringleader (me) suffers from some sort of metabolic disorder that is going undiagnosed, an ongoing epileptic disorder that is going undiagnosed, C-PTSD, PMDD, Social Anxiety, Bi-Polar, Borderline Personality Disorder, Asthma, Migraines, joint pain, bulging disc's in the back, Auditory Processing Disorder, and Executive Function Disorder
The Circus Bear (my husband) has C-PTSD, DID, Anxiety, undiagnosed arthritic joint pain in knees, right elbow, and back, Seasonal Affective Disorder, and withdraws from society as a response to Suicidal ideation, Post-Traumatic Arthritis.
The Unicorn (daughter) has C-PTSD, fear of abandonment, Generalized Anxiety, Clinical Depression with self harm, Anorexia, and a profound sense of justice/injustice, if you betray her, are a hypocrit, or break a promise, you are dead to her.
The Fire Drake and Ice Dragon (son) is Autistic, has severe suicidal depression, especially when bullied at school, Social Anxiety, Executive Function Disorder, C-PTSD, all negative emotions start as anger
Finally, The Weeping Willow Dryad (mom) C-PTSD, Has endured 2 back surgeries that failed, chronic pain, Agoraphobia, Skleroderma, Raynauds, Rheumatoid Arthritis in her hands, Osteoarthritis in back and knees, Social Anxiety, Clinical Depression, and an emotional reactive disorder that has gone undiagnosed.
As Ringleader I am in charge of making sure everyone takes their medications, at least tries to get to some sort of therapy, drive everyone to appointments, physical and mental. Know everyone's favorite foods, cycles of physical and emotional needs, understand who is feeling ill when. Get all meds for everyone from the pharmacy. Attend 90% of appointments. Get food for everyone, that they like. Listen to the complaints of every single one of them.
When I finally speak about the negative behavior that is effecting people in the household, I get attitude.
From screaming, to blowing the comment out of proportion.
If I say "please stop answering people for me"
I get "I will never talk again, you never have to hear my voice ever again"
If I schedule a much needed test on the wrong day, I get guilty about it.
If I say "I would have done _____"
I am accused of telling people how they did it wrong.
I am trying to manage my home and the people in it.
All I really want to do is run away.
I dream of tropical places, and travel, and being responsible only for myself.
I feel like I am holding the whole place together, and without me no one will be able to function. This has been proven many times.
I am so tired, so empty, burned out.
The light I have always had is getting dimmer and dimmer, and I lost so many people because I had to protect myself from them in order to manage my home.
I know this is all a ramble...rant, maybe none of it makes sense.
I just needed to let it out somewhere.
#ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #BipolarDepression #ChronicDepression #Anorexia #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #FearOfAbandonment #Autism #Agoraphobia #SocialAnxiety #ExecutiveFunctionDisorder #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #PMDD #TemporalLobeEpilepsy #Epilepsy #SeasonalAffectiveDisorder #EatingDisorders #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Arthritis #Skleroderma #RaynaudsDisease #ChronicHeadaches #ChronicMigraines #InvisibleIllness

#TemporalLobeEpilepsy

Hi, my psychiatrist thinks I have epilepsy. I’ve been having olfactory hallucinations for months. I’ve also had visual hallucinations over the years.
A couple of years back I had a horrendous time with what I’m now wondering might have been focal seizures with fear.
It was a recurring thing. Has anyone experienced this & if so, could you describe it a bit? Thanks, Zel.

#TemporalLobeEpilepsy

Background: I've been in a long-term relationship with a man for 15 years and he has been my carer and basically only friend. He has supported me Emotionally, physically and financially with surviving cancer, alcohol & drug addiction, and lifelong severe psychiatric and neurological disabilities that have deteriorated to the point that I can't work, function and barely leave the house as well as SH, suicide attempts and long hospitalization. He has some serious health conditions himself that I have tried to support him as best I can and he doesn't take care of himself or take his meds without my prompting.

The problem: I have always known I was attracted to women but told myself (and others) that I'm 'bi' because I was afraid to come out and I tried to tell myself that my feelings for my partner were the real deal because I cared about him deeply and we had been through so much together. He even knows that I have had relationships with women, before him and during a trial separation. I even refer to myself as 'queer' but as long as I'm in a hetero relationship I have to hide the fact that I've known for a long time that I'm a lesbian and *only* romantically and sexually attracted to women.
I hate lying and desperately want to be authentic but I don't want to hurt him. I care deeply for him, especially after all he has done and we've been through together and I worry that he will become unwell again. And honestly, selfishly, I don't want to be alone with no support - my conditions make it highly unlikely that I could take care of myself, let alone ever meet another woman like me, and even less likely that they would want to be with me.

I don't know if my rambling makes sense but I don't know what to do. Come out and lose him and be alone or stay closeted and keep my best friend and carer? Does this make me a horrible, selfish person? Has anyone been through something similar/can relate?

#LGBTQ #Lesbian #Relationships #Bipolar1Disorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MentalHealth #CPTSD #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #SocialPhobia #cervicalcancersurvivor #FunctionalNeurologicalDisorder #TemporalLobeEpilepsy #MigraineWithAura #CognitiveDisorders #Isolation #Selfharm #SuicideSurvivor