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It’s hard to write when you’re pretending you don’t feel.

I told my therapist I don’t feel and she told me I’m lying to myself. So perhaps I’m pretending not to feel. I’m shutting down. I’m blocking as best I can. But I know this will only hinder my progress. ​

I need to feel.

I noticed something today.
I noticed a few things today.

But this will be about the one.
Maybe I’ll write about the other another time.

I realized that one of my core beliefs is completely broken. Most of my core beliefs are slowly breaking. And this one wasn’t any different.

I believed no one could love me because I was inherently unlovable.
Because I didn’t deserve love.
Because I was too broken.

I believed maybe people thought they loved me, but when they really got to know me they’d see the truth about me. And they’d run.
Maybe because I’ve always wanted to run from myself.

I had the help of others.
They loved me hard. They loved me when I couldn’t love myself. They loved me in my best and my worst times. They saw the most vulnerable parts of me.

And they didn’t leave.

And I learned I can be loved.
I learned that even when I’m breaking down and hurting myself, I can still be loved.
I learned that even when I feel too needy, I can still be loved.
I learned that even when I feel so much shame I want to disappear, I can still be loved.

I am still loved.

Not only can I be loved, I am even lovable.
There’s a quality about me that people are drawn to.
There’s good in me, and people actually see it.
And love me for it.
Even when I’m not that way.
Even when I’m not okay.

And breaking that core belief feels so freeing.

I can be and am loved.
And it feels amazing.
#MentalIllness #MentalHealth #MentalIllnessAwareness #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PTSD #CPTSD #c -ptsd #Healing #Recovery #Therapy #growth #changing


#changing hair

So I've always wondered. When I gou through a rough time or go into depression if this is when I want to change my hair Colour totally. This has happened to me twice already in my life no 3 times. I'm blonde then I suddenly want to change it to dark brown. Then it's OK for a week or so then the sDness comes and regret of why I did it. Then have to go through the whole process again. I've later realized that it had something to do with when I'm at a low point in life. I remember as a teen my boyfriend left me over night he said he doesn't feel anything for me anymore and the previous day he was al loving. So a week passed and I told everyone I really want to cut my hair extremely short. I did it and at the moment I loved it but it was more like in a way it soothed something In me. And the as time pass healling comes slowly and then you regret it.

Is this familiar to anyone? Is there a reason for this?


#changing of bipolar meds

Just when you think your meds are stabilizing you then bam you start the depression, paranoid feelings, crying, and suicidal thoughts. So here we going the med change which I hate because of side effects. Does anyone else feel this way? I’ve had so many med changes over the last 2 years that I can’t even remember what I’ve had

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How do you grieve/cope with with sudden loss/complete change?

February 2 I lost my bestfriend of 15 years suddenly passed away. In August i will be with my boyfriend, in my best relationship, for a year. My life and views on life have completely changed and I'm changing, what I yearn for has changed. What are the best habits/ coping mechanisms are best when al the feelings hit?0 #changing #coping #Goodmentslhealth


If someone can answer untill I satisfied it will change the outcome of my life #changing life

I want to know how people become happy in enjoyment of their live when so many are in pain and some even died in regret
Is the selfishness are a key to happiness?
Is it because we only lived once logic?
Is it their suffering are worth the sacrifice from our thoughts as long as we happy and fulfilled?
It's nothing personal!
#answer that may change my life


changing yourself changing #changing #perfectionism #IdeasForChangeCampaign

has anyone ever had you a loved one confront you on a flaw that you have and it made you feel like you had change for that person... I know some people like me, twhen they hear that they themselves have a flaw, feel like trash being tossed away because they feel imperfect... just recently my boyfriend took me on a walk and he pointed out 2 flaws.. that i was too clingy and how I can overact when things are perfect. during the conversation quickly starting crying because my brain was screaming your not perfect. and then I got mad as if I trying to fight back the truth. after the talk I went to my dorm room and calmed myself down and just recollected myself and pieces of conversation and I realized that it all true and I need to accept the truth and change to better my relationship... i tried to talk about to some "outside" they said the general saying "your fine!! you great the way u are!! dont change your self for a man!!" but I have a question if ur loved one asked you to change your negative flaw that could effect your relationship!!! (this could be aggressive attitude, clinginess, or anything that effect ur relationships negatively with this said. person)WOULD YOU CHANGE YOURSELF FOR THEM!!!


Positive #Postitivethoughts #changing #Feelinggood

I have accomplished something! I haven’t felt suicidal for about a month now and it feels amazing :) I’m still taking my medication but I’ve got a different outlook on life and it really has been mind over matter for me. For years and years I have battled with mental health and I feel like I’m finally starting to take control. I know it won’t get better over night but I am in the right path. I feel like sometimes we only focus on the negatives because we are so used to doing it but think of how far you have came 😀😀😀

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Life mann #blinkofaneye #changing

Life used to be so easy, well so we thought. Maybe it was or maybe we was so naive, so careless and so protected against the "big wide world." Maybe our parents were scared and knew they couldn't keep us safe forever. So why not protect us when we were little. Everything used to be so perfect but actually no, no it wasn't! We just were too young to understand how massive the issues really were because the most important problem was who had the best toys when we was little, right. We grew up too fast. In a minute we had it all, but in a second we lost it. We all just wish that we realised how special our childhood really was #