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being independent

#Anxiety #Depression #OCD #PTSD #ADHD #Independance #growth #Sobriety #goals

hey everyone.. don't ever let your negative thoughts hold you back from achieving your goals..i have came so far within a year its unreal..just a year ago i was homeless staying in my ex shed that he didn't know about..i was cold,wet, was in the middle of winter..i had no one..i reached out to someone to ask for a ride to the doc and got up enough courage to ask him if i could take a shower at his house

and i finally told him my situation..that i was homeless but had a job in a warehouse living from check to check barely surviving..he then gave me a chance..let me stay w him rent free and without any sexual favors in first my ptsd got really bad bc of staying w guys in the past and them wanting sexual favors in return for staying w them..but not Reggie.

Reggie actually believed in me enough to help me get back on my feet..i then got extremely depressed bc this was before i got on Zoloft and had gotten fired due to my sugar problems and falling asleep at work due to my sugar problems so i gave up on myself.. didn't work for months worrying about getting put out.. started using cocaine again(not crack cocaine) just cocaine..

but he never gave up on me..i talked to my doc and told her about my MDD and she put me on Zoloft and that changed my life forever..i then got a full time job as a live in caregiver helping a dementia patient and making more money then i was used to

i started spending more time w my kids and taking care of them and just loving life again..i had some relapses before but never stayed w me.. I'm telling you this story bc i used to be a homeless addict and now i have a full time job, got clean, got my own place,and just recently got a car today.. anything is possible if you work towards it

it may feel like the end of the world and like your at the end..but God always gives you another chance at life every day you wake up..if anyone out there is suffering from depression..then please get help asap..its starts w that first step..i used to sleep all day to not live life..

now i wake up and enjoy my mornings.. there's always help out there..theres always support out all starts w are the first step..if i can do it..anyone can.. remember:YOU GOT THIS ❤️

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What can you do today that you never thought you’d be able to do five years ago?

When reflecting on our own personal strengths, there are two lenses we can look through: the ones we’ve only recently developed, and the ones we’ve practiced over time. The strengths and skills that fall into that latter category are a reflection of your growth!

Let’s think back to the past five years 🤔. What’s something you can do now that you’d never thought you’d be able to do back then?

Mighty staffer @xokat said she never thought she’d be able to endure more surgeries, but she recently recovered from two intense ones (#15 + #16 for her!). It’s a testament to the brave shell she’s been building up over the course of the past five years and she’s proud to be a survivor.

#52SmallThings #selfcare #growth #CheckInWithMe #CheerMeOn #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #ChronicPain #Caregiving #ChronicIllness #RareDisease #Disability

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Had a doctors appointment at an office I’d never been to before, and it happened to be located across the street from the Hospice House my father-in-law was at last Sept. These flowers were a flash of color and growth, while I faced the entrance to the Hospice House and waited for my ride to arrive.

#Grief #growth #artastherapy

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Comparison: The Thief of Joy

It was years ago when I broke up with a person, with whom I had been strongly attached, that I was thrown into a state of deep depression. To this day, I remember the depression and feelings of worthlessness after this person left my life. For the longest time, I kept running my life with the belief they would come back until ultimately my life changed.

One of the hardest parts of the process of letting go was learning not to compare myself with the person who left. It took strength and time to learn not to look for them and to change my focus on someone or something else.

After about three years, with support from others, my life changed and this person became just a memory. If I had compared myself to how this person was doing through those three years, I would have never made it through the difficult process of letting go and finding my new self.

There is a lot of strength in letting go, but there is even more strength in learning not to compare. Change, that is, true change, almost always happens inwardly and over a long time.

A friend of mine used a great analogy that I would like to share. At one point in your life, you may have been the water in the glass that was full, but once you were placed in a bigger glass and no longer filled it to the top, you became disheartened. Nothing truly happened to you, but the cup became bigger so you have more ways and room to grow.

It is important not to become disheartened in times of growth because God uses those times to groom, shape, mold, reveal, heal, and enlighten you. Be thankful that you now have a bigger glass to fill, and be thankful that you don’t have to compare your glass to the glass that is next to you #growth #Relationships #Memories

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Healer Pains

Healer Pains

Full of Anger and rage
Feeling like I’m a animal locked in a cage
My nature is so misunderstood
Perhaps it’s time to move on from the hood
But I Love my independent city
Even though the committee ain’t take no pity

Isolated and assets frozen
Although they don’t yet know I’m part of God’s chosen
Treated like a hardcore criminal
My poem are definitely subliminal
If you know me, you’ll get it
Ain’t the usual one to quit

I walked away for self protection
So, wouldn’t be forced into flexion
Straight forward as it can be
Though I did flee, At least I’m free
Self love is a priority
Even if I ain’t in the majority

That don’t stop us from doing as we please
Perhaps, why I’m a narcissist that is to be put in a freeze
From trauma and vulnerabilities we came up,
Banged up, beat up - yet we still worked hard and built up
So, why the hate?
And all the jealousy mate?
Took you for free spins and fed you during your worst

You were injured and I was the one to bring you back to health and nursed
And now I’m cursed?
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you
One day, you gotta regret it my boo
True love, acceptance and understanding- heck, gave even my soul
Now, all this hurt masking as anger and making feel like a burning coal

Quite the toll, though I thought your love was free
Then, why the hefty fee?
Anger and rage on the front
Amidst a manhunt
Hurt and grief under the front
Perhaps, nows the time to get blunt

Yes, I am fucked up
And the only one who saved me is my pup
You were right, I was stupid
The only mistake I made was chasing Cupid
Don’t know my story yet think they know all
Destroying me so I forget to walk and can barely even crawl

Malicious prosecution and defamation
Think it’s a game of persuasion
It’s nothing more than a crime
To prevent me from the social and corporate climb
You think I forgot, that’s cute
I never forget a learned friend dispute

You know I’m better than you
And that’s a strong fact that’s more than just true
Don’t let simple nature and humble attitude fool you into arrogance
You caused me to lose my soul and become spiritless
The student is now the master
Now that deserves a round of applause and laughter

Karma is a mogul’s game
And though I don’t care for the fame, it ain’t gonna stop me from bringing the claim
Justice is overdue, stayed quiet for too long
Have come closer to being proven wrong
My only regret, had I spoken earlier
I would be worthier

Money is important but my people are my assets
They are the ones to get my out of bad debts
Got my back because we init for ride or die
They ain’t no supply, they real niggas on which we can rely
Now that’s a fact you cannot deny
My team here for the full and permanent long haul

And although right now, I’m back at the stage of crawl
I got the mindset and approach to stay resilient
Cuz I found out way too late that I’m more than just brilliant
Genius and gifted talent, that’s God’s chosen
So, let me give you a glimpse of my life in slow-motion
Watch out cuz this girl’s a tornado, not to be tamed

She won’t remain for much longer chained
It’s time to break free
And I think that’s something y’all agree #heartbreak #Love #Pain #growth #soulpain #selfhelp #SelfHealing #writings #Journaling #feelings #Emotions #validation #hurt #Grief #Loss #Rejection #abandonment #social isolation #punishment #Karma #sins #good #bad

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Throwback reflection

There are times when what has been becomes suddenly much more real then usual.
Not as a flashback - they're definitely different - but more like a realization that what's in my memories, in my patterns, in my body and mind has really happened, some time ago in my life.

What surprises me the most is:
I'm not fine, even though I'm better than in previous months and years, but, the hell, compared to before it's like I'm in Heaven.

It doesn't bring me the positivity and mood switch I might expect, it weights the same, most of the times, but it surely helps me redimensioning the whole picture.
I'm grateful, overall, for one thing: now, when I have my crisis, they're still bad and, sometimes, worse than other times years ago, BUT they're crisis: they happen from time to time. (I'm not talking about being on low mood; to me, before, it was much more than that: tentacles slipping out of my head trying to choke me and smash anything inside and around me).
I can feel my mind clean, and, yup, I'm now crying, all of a sudden.

I'd never wanna go back to before.

A week ago I was writing a post I've never shared and, when recalling the bad effects the thing I was talking about had on me, I realized the list was very very long and very very painful and messy.
What makes it often difficult for me to comprehend my patterns and problems is that I tend to hide them, and then forget about them, over the years.

Thing is, there has been terror.
I don't wanna include the details, because I'm aware that for someone they could be not nice.

I shared this picture (search for Riftress on Pinterest, if you're interest - I really like these works) because it is one of the pics I saved back then.
Something have sucked up my own self from my life and I think it was the exhaustion from that period.

Crying helps me too.
If now I'm crying, it means it really has been hard.
Since I tend to hide and minimize, since people shared their issues with me and rarely listened to me, always ignored the signals I was pointing out and since things for me often changed - environmentally speaking - I tend to forget.
To me, now, it feels like I'm based on a void past.
It doesn't mean I'd wanna linger on it: just that in order to understand why I am the way I am today I need to recall.

Times like this one, though, makes me wanna go back that before and erase everything. Why it had to be so damageful.
Again, though, I tend to hide: none really witnessed in person any free expression of my mental state, so, then, it feel more righteous to minimize it. This confuses me.

Though I think it's not fair to compair: the same trauma can have different outcomes on different people; that's why I think crying is helpful -> it spots out the fact that what I'm feeling and thinking about - recalling - has really been a hardship for me.

But it seems impossible that all the dark lump has really left. Did it?
Instead of feeling and expressing itself in dark and full of --- ways*, my mind's just flat. That's the new pattern, I guess.
I've been backfired.
* I don't really feel at ease sharing details, again, but I don't know how to express it.

I still have issues to work on, sometimes - often - I just can take my mind anymore, I often have no energy to live my life, but sure it changed. Time heals.
And I've understood myself and other people better, in the meanwhile, which has been another fundamental turning point.
And I can't express how grateful I am whenever I get to become more aware then before. I love understanding.
So - I still can change and for the better.
There's and I have hope in it.

#Reflection #throwback #Trauma #Crisis #time #Understanding #past #Memory #Pain #cry #Life #mind #pattern #backfired #Healing #Awareness #HealingProcess #exhaustion #Monster #illness #MentalHealth #growing #growth #Present #Hope #change #Grief #Energy

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Autistic people are often
misunderstood. Throughout my life, I can recall times I’ve been painfully aware when other people didn’t like me for one reason or another. Knowing what I know now, I can’t help but wonder how many of those
reasons were due to a lack of understanding…

#AutismAwareness #Acceptance #Neurodiversity #navigatingneurodivergence #Masking #Trauma # unmasking #Understanding #patience #growth

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