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Please tell me I am not alone

There are so many things happening right now and that have happened to me in the past six years.
I cannot even begin to explain the level of despair I am feeling. I no longer feel like I am a person. I don’t even feel like reaching out for help any more.
I am not staying in a safe location. I have contacted countless people and agencies for help. But resources are stretched and somehow that makes it okay for me to not access resources to meet basic human needs.
My “friends” and “family” act like it’s okay for me to have to deal with it. I have had complete ptsd meltdowns and they have just stepped over me (sometimes literally) and continued on with their lives. When they tell stories, they talk about how they could never go to the hospital alone and how scary it is. But they never connect back with that to empathize with me when I’m in the ER for a migraine. This is one example of countless things that have happened just in the past year.
I am connected with community agencies and I’m not getting services. I have an awesome therapist and she is appalled by everything that has happened and how I have been treated. We are considering filing a grievance because I am about to lose my housing voucher because my case manager will not follow through on her part (I have already switched case managers a couple of times and gone up the chain of command to advocate for myself).
I don’t even know what else to say anymore. I’m feeling really hopeless and I’m experiencing a lot of depersonalization (both of which are highly atypical for me, which indicates the level of crisis I am in)
Can anyone relate?
#CPTSD #ChronicDailyMigraine #Agoraphobia


Anyone? #CheckInWithMe #CPTSD #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #ChronicDailyMigraine

Hi Mighty Friends,
I am in extreme distress and I am feeling really alone. I will be homeless at the end of the weekend and there isn’t anyone who is actually willing to help me, even for a night.
I have severe #CPTSD from #DomesticAbuse and I have been struggling to make it through the days for years. I have a therapist who is really helpful but she is only one person and can only provide so much. She has already gone above and beyond to try to help me.
I also have a case manager from a community-based service provider, but she has not returned my call.
I feel paralyzed, which is incredibly unfortunate, considering I need to take action now.
I don’t see a way out of this.
Please, if you can, share some positive thoughts to get me through the next couple of days and/or longer.
Thank you

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Musings #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #PTSD #Disability #ChronicDailyMigraine

One of my best friends came over this week. She has always been incredibly supportive and generous.
I am learning after almost every single interaction with even my best of friends, I am left feeling defensive, invalidated, or otherwise distressed.
However, this visit almost ended within five minutes. As we were talking about lunch, I expressed my preference to eat at home. Her response was immediately “Well, maybe we should try to go out of your comfort zone.” I immediately felt sick. I don’t even remember how I responded because it set off a trauma response in my head and I just wanted to leave the situation. I didn’t. I said something about how I am working on self compassion, as per my many, many, many therapy sessions. I spent the rest of the visit continuing to try to “prove” all of the things I try. And how I do everything I can, multiple attempts at trying solutions despite not having successful results. And how I do get out of my comfort zone (which I am about to be homeless- I have no comfort zone and if I did, this would be the most appropriate time to retreat to it).
The problems with offering these immediate, quick, one sentence solutions are many: it minimizes my problem by suggesting it is easy to solve my very complex problem with a quick fix, it implies that the respondent knows more than my team of professionals (including myself, also a psychologist and someone who has overcome previous traumatic experiences), it neglects to address the iceberg of problems beneath the surface.
These experiences build up. It takes several therapy sessions to get these thoughts out of my head. Even if I am able to reply coherently, I still find myself ruminating on their words later.
When I share these experiences, I often hear “well, just take them out of your life/ don’t talk to them,” leaving me feeling, again, like I need to defend my choices.
So maybe today I would like to encourage you to listen, not to respond, but to hear when others share stories with you. I also encourage you not to seek to offer suggestions or try to solve the other person’s problem. Lately I have been thinking that maybe when we communicate, we should instead try to accept. Accept other’s stories, accept that we cannot solve this problem, accept the discomfort that comes along with this.
I know that trying to solve my problems is a normal human response and it is more about the other person than their opinion of me. I just wanted to put this idea into the universe as another way we can all challenge ourselves in our relationships. #CPTSD #PTSD #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder


Holidays #CPTSD #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #PanicDisorder #ChronicDailyMigraine #Loneliness

Hi friends!
Does anyone else have a hard time with holidays?
As an extrovert, as well as someone with several problems that make it extremely challenging for me to leave my home, I often struggle with loneliness. It’s so much more painful during the holidays.
I have tried taking control and calling people during the holidays rather than waiting on them to call, but people don’t usually respond. I have tried accepting that this is just not something I can control, but it’s really painful. I have even tried talking to people about how I feel when I don’t hear from anyone on the holidays.
I don’t think there is anything I can “do” about this, so I am hoping I can reach out to know I’m not the only one experiencing this.
#Loneliness #CPTSD #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #PanicDisorder #ChronicDailyMigraine

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Art as an Escape

Been drawing and playing ukulele a little bit more. It’s nice to focus the energy into a creative outlet, give all my attention to something else for a while. Have you been getting into any creative hobbies while in self-isolation? #ChronicDailyMigraine #ChronicCreativity


Feeling Frustrated and Invisible

I left high school as a senior in November. I’d been struggling with chronic daily migraines for nearly 2 years and just couldn’t come to school every day anymore. Now the whole school is online due to covid-19, and they’re making their classes pass/fail. It’s selfish to be feeling bad for myself right now, but I was never offered any of these accommodations. So now I’m behind, going to be graduating late, and feeling very frustrated and disappointed. I understand that the need now is far greater due to the virus, but I’m still disappointed that I was not given this kind of understanding and flexibility. Feeling frustrated and invisible right now. #ChronicDailyMigraine #InvisibleDisability



I was going to go prom dress shopping today and have dinner with my godbrother, but once again, #ChronicDailyMigraine has changed all my plans. Not surprised, just discouraged.


What do you wish healthy people understood about being a teen/young person with chronic pain?

I’m 16 and have had chronic migraine for the last 2 years. I wish healthy people understood that I’m not going to be cured in the foreseeable future, and I wondered what you all thought. #ChronicMigraines #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #ChronicDailyMigraine #ChronicMigraineSyndrome


Any funny brain fog stories? #BrainFog #ChronicDailyMigraine

Brain fog diaries:

yesterday i knocked on my bedroom door before walking out into the hallway. why? i couldn’t tell ya.

today i picked up a bottle of hand sanitizer and looked at the back for nutrition facts. yeah. i don’t know either.


Feeling Isolated

Since I’ve been chronically ill, my friends have all seemed to distance themselves. They never check up on me and barely ever invite me out. I always see posts of them out at fun places or having sleepovers. I feel like they just don’t know how to talk to me and don’t care enough to try. #isolated #ChronicDailyMigraine

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