Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder

We were borne of pain, but we need not die there. We have the right to recover, the right to be happy, even those of us who feel damaged beyond repair. We have the right to be okay with ourselves, as ourselves, forgive ourselves, and step out of our anguish.

I don’t need to drape sorrow around my shoulders to remember it was real, and I don’t need to prolong my agony for others to assuage their own misery or believe in mine. My written stories are proof of history. My continued heartbeat is proof of existence.

So Much Good

#DissociativeIdentityDisorder #CPTSD #Trauma

We were borne of pain, but we need not die there. We have the right to recover, the right to be happy, even those of us who feel damaged beyond repair. We have the right to be okay with ourselves, as ourselves, forgive ourselves, and step out of our anguish.

I don’t need to drape sorrow around my shoulders to remember it was real, and I don’t need to prolong my agony for others to assuage their own misery or believe in mine. My written stories are proof of history. My continued heartbeat is proof of existence.

So Much Good

#DissociativeIdentityDisorder #CPTSD #Trauma

Today's Challenge: End the week on a positive note.

#CPTSD #pstd #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Trauma

Today's Challenge: End the week on a positive note.

#CPTSD #pstd #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Trauma

We laughed and were happy until it bothers https://you.Our giggles made you https://mad.Talking and bonding wasn't celebrated,it was a https://intrusion.Every attempt we have made,has been met with defensiveness,contempt and a pattern of https://munipulation.We speak about the issues as they arrive, we resolve and move https://accordingly.And we revisit the issue if https://needed.There is a mutual respect and give and take, for there to be a https://relationship.I do not understand why a person would hold that much contempt, for the ones, that put them, first.to turn to the ones, that hurt https://them.We will always invite, include and stand up to support others, who supported https://us.But we wont be insulted, shamed and disrespected when we call out munipulation.Nope, not https://us.We have gone through this before, too many times.

We laughed and were happy until it bothers https://you.Our giggles made you https://mad.Talking and bonding wasn't celebrated,it was a https://intrusion.Every attempt we have made,has been met with defensiveness,contempt and a pattern of https://munipulation.We speak about the issues as they arrive, we resolve and move https://accordingly.And we revisit the issue if https://needed.There is a mutual respect and give and take, for there to be a https://relationship.I do not understand why a person would hold that much contempt, for the ones, that put them, first.to turn to the ones, that hurt https://them.We will always invite, include and stand up to support others, who supported https://us.But we wont be insulted, shamed and disrespected when we call out munipulation.Nope, not https://us.We have gone through this before, too many times.

My older sister texted me today with some sort of holiday greeting that I haven't yet allowed myself to read. I can't decide what's worse: hearing from a dysfunctional sibling for the sake of traditional ceremony or not being acknowledged at all. Am I glad for select holiday outreach once in a blue moon or am I more resentful that she texts me Happy Thanksgiving in order to fulfill her inner obligatory, "I'm-a-good-sister" voice? Neither is quite fitting. I am not pleased. My feelings skew toward the you-suck-for-needing-a-holiday-to-reach-out emotion. And don't think I don't see your attempt to make yourself feel better superseding a sincere wish for my enjoyment of a traditionally family-oriented holiday. Welcome to my tone-deaf family.

The last time I spoke with my older sister, about six months ago now, I was suicidal. I told her so, in so many words. She said, "that's heartbreaking" amongst other fillers. I cried. She tried to offer brass tacks advice. I showed raw emotion. She showed me her armor--her inability to be present with something that strikes her own childhood pain.

The call went on for maybe an hour. I regained composure. Then the furniture delivery she was was waiting on arrived. She apologized for having to run--the patio furniture needs to be brought in. I said I understood.

About three weeks later, she sent me a text apologizing for her lack of followup. She was worried about losing her job. Though I wish she was more worried about losing a sister, I also genuinely understood her lack of concern.

"Happy Thanksgiving," she said. I hear something like, "What a shame you want to die but hope you can enjoy your turkey and stuffing."

My sister follows in our father's footsteps in that he was a sweep-it-under-the-rug kind of guy. He did his best to dodge any real need any of us had. If it hurts, don't touch it. If it's messy or ugly or unpleasant, put it away or close your eyes. That was my father then. This is my sister now.

On this Thanksgiving, I'm grateful that I have the experience and self-care to know when to reject dysfunction, how to discern true compassion, and offer a genuine response deserving of the situation.

Nothing. I share these thoughts to give space to my processing. But I give my sister nothing. As despite whatever message sits in my phone queue, the contents amount to nothing meaningful for me.##

#CPTSD #Trauma #selfcare The sister who cannot see me

My older sister texted me today with some sort of holiday greeting that I haven't yet allowed myself to read. I can't decide what's worse: hearing from a dysfunctional sibling for the sake of traditional ceremony or not being acknowledged at all. Am I glad for select holiday outreach once in a blue moon or am I more resentful that she texts me Happy Thanksgiving in order to fulfill her inner obligatory, "I'm-a-good-sister" voice? Neither is quite fitting. I am not pleased. My feelings skew toward the you-suck-for-needing-a-holiday-to-reach-out emotion. And don't think I don't see your attempt to make yourself feel better superseding a sincere wish for my enjoyment of a traditionally family-oriented holiday. Welcome to my tone-deaf family.

The last time I spoke with my older sister, about six months ago now, I was suicidal. I told her so, in so many words. She said, "that's heartbreaking" amongst other fillers. I cried. She tried to offer brass tacks advice. I showed raw emotion. She showed me her armor--her inability to be present with something that strikes her own childhood pain.

The call went on for maybe an hour. I regained composure. Then the furniture delivery she was was waiting on arrived. She apologized for having to run--the patio furniture needs to be brought in. I said I understood.

About three weeks later, she sent me a text apologizing for her lack of followup. She was worried about losing her job. Though I wish she was more worried about losing a sister, I also genuinely understood her lack of concern.

"Happy Thanksgiving," she said. I hear something like, "What a shame you want to die but hope you can enjoy your turkey and stuffing."

My sister follows in our father's footsteps in that he was a sweep-it-under-the-rug kind of guy. He did his best to dodge any real need any of us had. If it hurts, don't touch it. If it's messy or ugly or unpleasant, put it away or close your eyes. That was my father then. This is my sister now.

On this Thanksgiving, I'm grateful that I have the experience and self-care to know when to reject dysfunction, how to discern true compassion, and offer a genuine response deserving of the situation.

Nothing. I share these thoughts to give space to my processing. But I give my sister nothing. As despite whatever message sits in my phone queue, the contents amount to nothing meaningful for me.##

#CPTSD #Trauma #selfcare The sister who cannot see me