Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder

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Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder
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What I'd ask#CPTSD #artheals #avm #apoligies #hypoinsomnia

How are you? Are you happy?
Have you been sleeping and getting enough to eat?Are you at peace.
Have you met with your family?Has your spouse been helpful? Do you have enough support,emotionally? Are you going to therapy or any groups? Have you given yourself grace? Have you questioned your motives? Have you looked back or ahead? How do you feel after seeing the end of an era?How do you see change?Where would you like to be and how would it be different?

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What I'd ask#CPTSD #artheals #avm #apoligies #hypoinsomnia

How are you? Are you happy?
Have you been sleeping and getting enough to eat?Are you at peace.
Have you met with your family?Has your spouse been helpful? Do you have enough support,emotionally? Are you going to therapy or any groups? Have you given yourself grace? Have you questioned your motives? Have you looked back or ahead? How do you feel after seeing the end of an era?How do you see change?Where would you like to be and how would it be different?

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Anniversary #CPTSD #artheals #avm

Today,was my wedding anniversary.it was not like the others.We have been apart for years.I went outside after begging and he threw in the towel before my Disability was approved.He thought I'd "be better" by now.I have an inoperable cerebral AVM that has been deconstructing for a couple years.I have some thing, that, does not, get better, just maintenance.He hates me for getting sick,not being able to bounce back I guess.I don't know.He literally has no care for me.I want to be cared for.is that wrong? Not coddled or babied but cared about,cared for.I stopped asking him for help.today I had to ask for money, talk about demeaning,I was beside myself, but I did it.I wish there were words that would help him understand, this is because of us.Not me, or my brain or the doctors, appointments or medications.it is Us.Am I waiting for a answer, no.A break, no.I have been in therapy for four years.If, he Is,Not, going to attend,what is my point in trying to rebuild? That,is my answer.it is not my job to teach someone what I am currently learning,is it? If I'm trying to navigate my own? I am going through it alone, still.He feels because he was physically here that I was not.I was, I am, alone in this.I have been, emotionally yes, spiritually no and that has been my grace to others.I am unable, myself to be there for some, I get the contradiction.But my spouse, it was brief and came with conditions from his mother.Not the anniversary I imagined.Tomorrow will be better Tomorrow is new and I will get through another week.

Forsætisráðuneytið

Verkefni forsætisráðuneytisins varða stjórnskipan Íslands og Stjórnarráðið. Málefni ríkisstjórnar, ráðherranefnda, ríkisráðs, stjórnarfar og fleira.
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Anniversary #CPTSD #artheals #avm

Today,was my wedding anniversary.it was not like the others.We have been apart for years.I went outside after begging and he threw in the towel before my Disability was approved.He thought I'd "be better" by now.I have an inoperable cerebral AVM that has been deconstructing for a couple years.I have some thing, that, does not, get better, just maintenance.He hates me for getting sick,not being able to bounce back I guess.I don't know.He literally has no care for me.I want to be cared for.is that wrong? Not coddled or babied but cared about,cared for.I stopped asking him for help.today I had to ask for money, talk about demeaning,I was beside myself, but I did it.I wish there were words that would help him understand, this is because of us.Not me, or my brain or the doctors, appointments or medications.it is Us.Am I waiting for a answer, no.A break, no.I have been in therapy for four years.If, he Is,Not, going to attend,what is my point in trying to rebuild? That,is my answer.it is not my job to teach someone what I am currently learning,is it? If I'm trying to navigate my own? I am going through it alone, still.He feels because he was physically here that I was not.I was, I am, alone in this.I have been, emotionally yes, spiritually no and that has been my grace to others.I am unable, myself to be there for some, I get the contradiction.But my spouse, it was brief and came with conditions from his mother.Not the anniversary I imagined.Tomorrow will be better Tomorrow is new and I will get through another week.

Forsætisráðuneytið

Verkefni forsætisráðuneytisins varða stjórnskipan Íslands og Stjórnarráðið. Málefni ríkisstjórnar, ráðherranefnda, ríkisráðs, stjórnarfar og fleira.
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Now #CPTSD #iremember #artheals

Now this is a diary vent, so I wont forget. Im upset, he takes my son and spends time alone with him after, this past three months of messing with our life.
Are you seriously thinking boots and dinner will erase what you and your mother have done? I am making sure he has access to a place before I leave.He was put in the middle again and I cannot have it go on.I cannot stay here for six more months.I will be gone.She will never understand what she's done.If I find out my family is involved, I don't know what will happen.I am devastated.I don't know how two people can do that to someone they care about.to phase someone out, to set them up for distrusting them instead of communicating, it is wrong.They never tried,not once.I told her too much and she played me the entire time.I will never forget that day and how it felt seeing him again.That isn't helping someone, that's malicious.Your son is a 55 tear old, let him be for once.

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Now #CPTSD #iremember #artheals

Now this is a diary vent, so I wont forget. Im upset, he takes my son and spends time alone with him after, this past three months of messing with our life.
Are you seriously thinking boots and dinner will erase what you and your mother have done? I am making sure he has access to a place before I leave.He was put in the middle again and I cannot have it go on.I cannot stay here for six more months.I will be gone.She will never understand what she's done.If I find out my family is involved, I don't know what will happen.I am devastated.I don't know how two people can do that to someone they care about.to phase someone out, to set them up for distrusting them instead of communicating, it is wrong.They never tried,not once.I told her too much and she played me the entire time.I will never forget that day and how it felt seeing him again.That isn't helping someone, that's malicious.Your son is a 55 tear old, let him be for once.

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They won't stop#CPTSD #Dissociative

I have pleaded, cried,bargained and screamed.Ive begged.I am being gaslit,munipulated and lied to daily by my spouse.Im not doing well and he won't stop.I have spent two years trying to navigate a new way of life and I'm being Set up to be phased out in order for him not to take care of me.He has made it clear he will not be taking care of me,does not want to be trustee or conservator of my care.What the hell did I get married for,seriously! I would have taken care of him, I did take care of him, for years.I am not staying now.Everytime I have clarity, I see the big picture.I am not getting better physically and emotionally, this home is killing me.He took my joy, out of here.He sabotaged everything I love and my animals, all of it,out of resentment and spite.To hurt me, to push me further from peace of mind as possible.He ruined it, for nothing.A few extra laughs with his Boys.His boys, who have never been a part of our life before I got sick.
You can't get back from that,ecspecially when only one person can admit fault.I will fine, I have before and I will again.I have more trust in a stranger than my own and that was his plan.Sad.All he had to do was talk, be honest with me and discuss our situation.He brought everything and everyone into it.Isolation and munipulation, I really don't know, anyone anymore.My bad.Not again, never, again.

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They won't stop#CPTSD #Dissociative

I have pleaded, cried,bargained and screamed.Ive begged.I am being gaslit,munipulated and lied to daily by my spouse.Im not doing well and he won't stop.I have spent two years trying to navigate a new way of life and I'm being Set up to be phased out in order for him not to take care of me.He has made it clear he will not be taking care of me,does not want to be trustee or conservator of my care.What the hell did I get married for,seriously! I would have taken care of him, I did take care of him, for years.I am not staying now.Everytime I have clarity, I see the big picture.I am not getting better physically and emotionally, this home is killing me.He took my joy, out of here.He sabotaged everything I love and my animals, all of it,out of resentment and spite.To hurt me, to push me further from peace of mind as possible.He ruined it, for nothing.A few extra laughs with his Boys.His boys, who have never been a part of our life before I got sick.
You can't get back from that,ecspecially when only one person can admit fault.I will fine, I have before and I will again.I have more trust in a stranger than my own and that was his plan.Sad.All he had to do was talk, be honest with me and discuss our situation.He brought everything and everyone into it.Isolation and munipulation, I really don't know, anyone anymore.My bad.Not again, never, again.

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Planned#CPTSD #artheals #Support

My personal space was fair game and I wasn't aware until recently.My mother in law and a past friend.They were given access by my husband and it took me over a year to remember everything.I had confronted him, multiple times and each one escalated to where he flipped it on me being the aggressor. .And each time, took a massive toll on me emotionally and physically.

Thespace and bin of items were so personal, that not even my son, husband or friend knew in any context,what happened.
I'm not embarrassed, I'm shook.Every peice of old memories was gone through.The bin was in a room that had been a dark place for me. A mess, like my mind at the time. A disaster of two storage rooms.I stopped cleaning, organizing,painting, I stopped bothering.

The jobs were endless.I had been trying to rebuild and I had no idea he was stopping me from completely them, on purpose.

The bin, had a diary.From when I was seventeen to twenty.Over thirty years old.That is, was my first real heartache and turn.I was in a bad place.IT had old mix tapes and CDs.The bin was A bin of precious years.It, Does not represent me as a whole or even close to a seed of this being.I will never get over the disregard and disrespect shown to me by the people I looked up to.I pray for her,she will hurt over this,in her own heart.He is already sick and decided to do that to himself instead of wanting to live.I am living in a highly dysfunctional home.im shocked that I did not see this, prior to four years of DBT CB Therapy.I did but oh I did, I am remembering why.

I will never get used to this.I knew, we faught about it and then,I'd have another bleed, forget, restart, and over again.That is, my life.no deep sleep for days, hypo every thing and then a microbleed, then I sleep for days.
Then, what happened again? REPEAT.
I can plan, write it down and I will still forget,start over and try again.

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Planned#CPTSD #artheals #Support

My personal space was fair game and I wasn't aware until recently.My mother in law and a past friend.They were given access by my husband and it took me over a year to remember everything.I had confronted him, multiple times and each one escalated to where he flipped it on me being the aggressor. .And each time, took a massive toll on me emotionally and physically.

Thespace and bin of items were so personal, that not even my son, husband or friend knew in any context,what happened.
I'm not embarrassed, I'm shook.Every peice of old memories was gone through.The bin was in a room that had been a dark place for me. A mess, like my mind at the time. A disaster of two storage rooms.I stopped cleaning, organizing,painting, I stopped bothering.

The jobs were endless.I had been trying to rebuild and I had no idea he was stopping me from completely them, on purpose.

The bin, had a diary.From when I was seventeen to twenty.Over thirty years old.That is, was my first real heartache and turn.I was in a bad place.IT had old mix tapes and CDs.The bin was A bin of precious years.It, Does not represent me as a whole or even close to a seed of this being.I will never get over the disregard and disrespect shown to me by the people I looked up to.I pray for her,she will hurt over this,in her own heart.He is already sick and decided to do that to himself instead of wanting to live.I am living in a highly dysfunctional home.im shocked that I did not see this, prior to four years of DBT CB Therapy.I did but oh I did, I am remembering why.

I will never get used to this.I knew, we faught about it and then,I'd have another bleed, forget, restart, and over again.That is, my life.no deep sleep for days, hypo every thing and then a microbleed, then I sleep for days.
Then, what happened again? REPEAT.
I can plan, write it down and I will still forget,start over and try again.

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