Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder

Hi everyone,

I just joined yesterday and I am really hoping to find a feeling of connection on here. But I have to admit, the thought scares me, too.

I have been struggling with mental health breakdowns for a long time, almost 20 years. The past 8 years have been a constant up and down with a big focus on the down. For the past 4 years I've been chronically ill, at home, unable to work and really unable to stay in touch with friends and family. To speak in diagnoses: cPTSD, ADHD, autism, some depression sprinkled in as well. The big trauma and neurodivergence thing I only found out about within the past few years.

I feel so isolated in the world of my brain, thoughts and feeling, it feels like no one will ever really get it. I get angry, annoyed, exhausted, when I am staying in touch with friends, but I also really crave connection. Do you get it?

I know I am mighty powerful and resilient. I keep pushing forward and standing up. I can take a lot. But I also just wish I wouldn't have to do it all on my own. Well, not entirely alone. I have a wonderful partner. But he is healthy (thankfully!), and therefore his brain operates a different way. And I? I don't want to talk to people. I don't want to open up. I don't want to commit. I don't want to promise friendship. I don't want to give. But, I also crave finding my tribe. I have to find my tribe. I want to find my tribe. So I can be understood and not have to explain anymore.

Will you have me?

#Trauma #attachmenttrauma #EmotionalNeglect #CPTSD #PTSD #Autism #ADHD #Neurodiversity

Hi everyone,

I just joined yesterday and I am really hoping to find a feeling of connection on here. But I have to admit, the thought scares me, too.

I have been struggling with mental health breakdowns for a long time, almost 20 years. The past 8 years have been a constant up and down with a big focus on the down. For the past 4 years I've been chronically ill, at home, unable to work and really unable to stay in touch with friends and family. To speak in diagnoses: cPTSD, ADHD, autism, some depression sprinkled in as well. The big trauma and neurodivergence thing I only found out about within the past few years.

I feel so isolated in the world of my brain, thoughts and feeling, it feels like no one will ever really get it. I get angry, annoyed, exhausted, when I am staying in touch with friends, but I also really crave connection. Do you get it?

I know I am mighty powerful and resilient. I keep pushing forward and standing up. I can take a lot. But I also just wish I wouldn't have to do it all on my own. Well, not entirely alone. I have a wonderful partner. But he is healthy (thankfully!), and therefore his brain operates a different way. And I? I don't want to talk to people. I don't want to open up. I don't want to commit. I don't want to promise friendship. I don't want to give. But, I also crave finding my tribe. I have to find my tribe. I want to find my tribe. So I can be understood and not have to explain anymore.

Will you have me?

#Trauma #attachmenttrauma #EmotionalNeglect #CPTSD #PTSD #Autism #ADHD #Neurodiversity

Another night of no sleep because the pain won't give up.
I spend so many nights not being able to fall asleep when the meds don't help.
I tried for 2 and a half years trying to get my doctor to listen to me.
This started in 2019 with a list of things I wrote down and tried to tell my doctor.
But he insisted on only letting me talk about "the worst thing", which was diarrhea and stomach pain.
I told him that those symptoms were only one percent worse than the rest of the things on my list, but that didn't matter to him. For dozens of appointments with him, four different GI doctors, and seven emergency room visits, nobody would let me talk about anything except the stomach problems.
Dozens of tests with no idea what was going on.
After I stopped seeing my primary care doctor because he wouldn't listen, I tried four other doctors with the same result, nobody would listen to my list.
Finally, in 2014, I found a new doctor who still cares about her patients, and she listened to me and my list.
They ordered an xray of my stomach, and accidentally found a compression fracture in one of my thoracic virtabra.
Then she ordered an MRI for my thoracic portion of my spine, and saw that there are actually 3 fractured virtabra in my spine.
All of those things on my list are all connected to the same thing, including the stomach problems.
Thanks to the doctors who refused to listen, nothing can be done to fix the nerve damage in my abdomen, and the compression fractures are so bad that it will take a major surgery to fix.
But being on Medicaid, they won't do anything about it until it's a life threatening issue.
So now, I get to live with all of the terrible pain for who knows how long.
Aren't doctors who won't listen to their patients awesome?
Doctors have destroyed my quality of life because they refused to listen to me, and a psychiatrist destroyed my mental health.
What does a person do now 🤔?
Why is He not letting me die so everything stops hurting?
I pray for the exact same thing every night, but I keep waking up anyway.
What did I do to piss God off in my past lives?
When there is no quality of life, you can't live and enjoy everything life has to offer you.
I can't do anything I used to enjoy so much, so what's the point 🤷?
I can't make it end because of my youngest son and what it would do to him 😪, but I can't keep going like this anymore.
I don't want to keep going like this, I want it to end.

But, I also want to be able to live again.

I’ve been recently diagnosed with complex post traumatic stress disorder and I’m learning how to deal with it day by day. Some days are very hard and I try to remind myself : ‘this too shall pass’.