Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder

"Agoraphobia felt like a contradiction to who I was: solitary, unattached, proud. Too independent to be so incapacitated, but even while mobile, I stayed caged..."

The following link shares the story of my years-long, on-and-off battle with agoraphobia, and how I pulled myself out. (The article also features personal journal excerpts from as far back as 2012, which is kinda fun.)

I hope it's helpful:

Climbing the Slippery Slope

#Agoraphobia #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #MentalHealth

It bothers people when you won't fake it.I've realized the mask has to stay on and I'm not comfortable or willing now. After being sick, you dont care for https://fake.You see the players, actors and bullshit that people go through for https://nothing.I can grow without the stress of pleasing everyone else around https://me.I am not surprised at all the patterns of munipulation and sabotage now.it is pathological and wrong, what's been done, behind the guise of care. Why would people encourage him to be this careless and destructive, I will never understand or support what theyve https://done.If you pushed him to hurt me, my son and himself, get to out of my sight, my life and keep https://away.I have watched him self destruct over having to choose between us and his https://own.And I wasnt the one who put him there.no man, should ever, have, to choose but he decided to give in to gossip, triangulation and https://slander.A narrative to cover his own mistakes and put it all on https://me.I am sick and he does not want to care for me, I understand and I accept it now but to pretend, is cruel.to lie for revenge is cruel.to continue to avoid and arrange things, behind my back, is sick and https://cruel.Three years wasted, with too many involved and they don't even know how much damage they have https://done.But keep blaming me, as I sit here, in my house, minding my own business and staying in, my lane. Try it because you never know, I could get ballsy and show up at your door with some questions or answers. The point was to get me back out there, right? All those people, to push me off on...very Sorry you were involved, it is embarrassing and I apologize for https://them.I cannot imagine the things you were told, but, I will not forget this time. Sad, for all involved. Intention is Impact, look it https://up.The impact, wasnt good, at all, so the intention becomes obsolete, nothing, meaningless in the end.so yes, I'm ungrateful, extremely ungrateful at this point and it is valid. I am grateful for the sense to know the difference between munipulation and https://support.Two faced support with conditions attached, I no longer tolerate. I'll take my written lease https://now.Contracts in place of https://communication.That is, his choice.

It bothers people when you won't fake it.I've realized the mask has to stay on and I'm not comfortable or willing now. After being sick, you dont care for https://fake.You see the players, actors and bullshit that people go through for https://nothing.I can grow without the stress of pleasing everyone else around https://me.I am not surprised at all the patterns of munipulation and sabotage now.it is pathological and wrong, what's been done, behind the guise of care. Why would people encourage him to be this careless and destructive, I will never understand or support what theyve https://done.If you pushed him to hurt me, my son and himself, get to out of my sight, my life and keep https://away.I have watched him self destruct over having to choose between us and his https://own.And I wasnt the one who put him there.no man, should ever, have, to choose but he decided to give in to gossip, triangulation and https://slander.A narrative to cover his own mistakes and put it all on https://me.I am sick and he does not want to care for me, I understand and I accept it now but to pretend, is cruel.to lie for revenge is cruel.to continue to avoid and arrange things, behind my back, is sick and https://cruel.Three years wasted, with too many involved and they don't even know how much damage they have https://done.But keep blaming me, as I sit here, in my house, minding my own business and staying in, my lane. Try it because you never know, I could get ballsy and show up at your door with some questions or answers. The point was to get me back out there, right? All those people, to push me off on...very Sorry you were involved, it is embarrassing and I apologize for https://them.I cannot imagine the things you were told, but, I will not forget this time. Sad, for all involved. Intention is Impact, look it https://up.The impact, wasnt good, at all, so the intention becomes obsolete, nothing, meaningless in the end.so yes, I'm ungrateful, extremely ungrateful at this point and it is valid. I am grateful for the sense to know the difference between munipulation and https://support.Two faced support with conditions attached, I no longer tolerate. I'll take my written lease https://now.Contracts in place of https://communication.That is, his choice.

Counting on me leaving was,is weak, cowardly and typical for him. I won't be able to move on like every thing else I have.wtf is wrong with you, to push someone else emotionally into more isolation and https://issues.Thats sick and https://wrong.Who told you to do this to me? Who said it was ok to treat women like this? I was, am supportive.Wtf. Anything you wanted, I said go for it, what ever you want, praised you, asked are you good, https://ok.Nothing in return, but acting and sprinkles of truths covering all the lies from last https://year.I GAVE YOU OUTS, DAILY.

Counting on me leaving was,is weak, cowardly and typical for him. I won't be able to move on like every thing else I have.wtf is wrong with you, to push someone else emotionally into more isolation and https://issues.Thats sick and https://wrong.Who told you to do this to me? Who said it was ok to treat women like this? I was, am supportive.Wtf. Anything you wanted, I said go for it, what ever you want, praised you, asked are you good, https://ok.Nothing in return, but acting and sprinkles of truths covering all the lies from last https://year.I GAVE YOU OUTS, DAILY.

Amazing how trauma breaks https://down.The memories flood and you have moments of https://doubt.But then, you recall how therapy taught you, write that shit down.Then,Your doubts, aren't https://feelings.They are the patterns you were taught, and fed.
And if you don't recognize them as they play out, you will continue to repeat them. Especially in an environment that is stagnant and refuses growth. Emotional growth, not https://wealth.And environments that punish you for speaking up. I've never liked those types.

Setting me up, the ways, all of you tried, will come back to you ten fold, if it hasnt yet... always does, ask around.
And especially when I https://know.Weird huh.

I showed vulnerability and trust, to backstabbing fools.

Yes fools.
I feel sorry for you all.
What do you think happens when you push and push the wrong person, who stands alone?
Really sit with https://that.Why is she alone?
Good luck, stay healthy and stay safe, but away from me, in all forms, do not think of me, discuss me or play me.

Grow or Go.

See, it is, that easy.

Amazing how trauma breaks https://down.The memories flood and you have moments of https://doubt.But then, you recall how therapy taught you, write that shit down.Then,Your doubts, aren't https://feelings.They are the patterns you were taught, and fed.
And if you don't recognize them as they play out, you will continue to repeat them. Especially in an environment that is stagnant and refuses growth. Emotional growth, not https://wealth.And environments that punish you for speaking up. I've never liked those types.

Setting me up, the ways, all of you tried, will come back to you ten fold, if it hasnt yet... always does, ask around.
And especially when I https://know.Weird huh.

I showed vulnerability and trust, to backstabbing fools.

Yes fools.
I feel sorry for you all.
What do you think happens when you push and push the wrong person, who stands alone?
Really sit with https://that.Why is she alone?
Good luck, stay healthy and stay safe, but away from me, in all forms, do not think of me, discuss me or play me.

Grow or Go.

See, it is, that easy.

It is, my environment and I am trying my hardest to move forward. But I recognize all the patterns. I know his game, and hers.Sad, it is a routine for him now, down to the week and is definitely, slowly killing https://me.I stay, because I have invested the last half of my https://life.I asked for time, peace and https://compassion.I was met with obstacles, devision and https://isolation.To use my weaknesses, my pain and anxiety as a reason to teach me a lesson, is non negotiable to me and I can't forgive people who do not acknowledge, anything wrong, in hurting https://me.I was supportive, kind and did show up.He, did not want me to or want to https://himself.I raised the bar and he threw it https://down.He can be alone now, without me now, how he, always preferred it, without me. I will not be a maid. The house, All his and he can keep claiming it. I'm argumentative, controlling, nagging and please demonize me all day, I expected more and it had zero to do with https://money.Keep your money.do not reach out to me again, please.

It is, my environment and I am trying my hardest to move forward. But I recognize all the patterns. I know his game, and hers.Sad, it is a routine for him now, down to the week and is definitely, slowly killing https://me.I stay, because I have invested the last half of my https://life.I asked for time, peace and https://compassion.I was met with obstacles, devision and https://isolation.To use my weaknesses, my pain and anxiety as a reason to teach me a lesson, is non negotiable to me and I can't forgive people who do not acknowledge, anything wrong, in hurting https://me.I was supportive, kind and did show up.He, did not want me to or want to https://himself.I raised the bar and he threw it https://down.He can be alone now, without me now, how he, always preferred it, without me. I will not be a maid. The house, All his and he can keep claiming it. I'm argumentative, controlling, nagging and please demonize me all day, I expected more and it had zero to do with https://money.Keep your money.do not reach out to me again, please.