Gooddays

About six weeks ago, I finally confronted my doctor about his poor listening and how very unsafe I had begun to feel with his caring for my mental health. He was (predictably) not terribly receptive, but he did finally agree to decrease my anti-depressant dosage. The high dosage had led to my inability to accomplish almost anything because I couldn't think or move or understand things. It was bad.

So tapering off was a painful period with physical, emotional, and psychological symptoms. But then I woke up last Sunday at 8:30am without an alarm clock and started thinking (with positive motivation) about the things I could do with my day. I had three days with this calmness and positivity. (Then things went a bit downhill again today.)

It makes me angry to think that I thought I was just super depressed when it was actually my medication making everything worse - and my doctor didn't do a thing to make sure to understand my experience. Even when I told him I had increased thoughts of suicide, had to contact a crisis line several times, and had to take time off work, he just responded with "ok, so I'll give you another three month prescription."

I am currently on a wait list to see a psychiatrist and another wait list to try to get a new doctor (big shortage of both around here). I see a therapist every two weeks (as often as I can afford) and I am so thankful that she was the one who helped me to see how overmedicated my brain was. Hopefully better things are coming.

#MentalHealth #Gooddays #Depression #Anxiety #Trauma #SuicidalThoughts #Medication #PatientAndDoctorExperiences

I just got back from the gym, I unpack my bag, and I look at my husband and think, today is not so bad. As soon as the thought popped in my head I felt scared. And relieved. And worried.

'What if I overreacted last week? How can I tell people things suck when sometimes they don't? Am I fixed, shouldn't I be working more then? What if it's just today, and tomorrow will suck again?'

So, last week I wrote something, and I didn't expect it to resonate with people this much. The comments were amazing and definitely helped me feel a bit better. We've had hard weeks, and I when I wrote my last post I felt it all.

Today, I don't know, maybe it's because the rain finally stopped, because people have been praying for us like crazy, because we have a new game plan, because I meditated properly, or maybe it's just luck. Today is not so bad.

I read a lot of things on The Mighty that are encouraging, but also a lot of sad stories that don't always lift me up. I thought, if I shared a bad day, I should also share a good day. Reality. And finding our way through this stuff either as a couple, or by myself is difficult on good days and on bad days. There's no tourist guide, no youtube video or podcast that can map it out for us. Maybe sharing about it together, right here, will help. #Depression #thanksforthelove #Gooddays

So, it started as a bad day as suddenly a toxic friend started reaching out to me to complain. My usual reaction is beating my self up and apologizing excessively and telling my self I am not enough. But I told my self today, I will stand up.

It was hard I was maybe shivering and too scared to cut people from my life. This time I found the courage and prioritized myself. I usually avoid conflict because it triggers me but I realized having toxic friendships is the wrong for my mental health. This person judged me, triggered me.

It took me years to not apologize this one time and express what I feel but it felt nice to finally say it. I was extremely anxious but no panic attack after a conflict it was something new. Felt like a little achievement. Felt relieved and nice.

#Gooddays #AnxietyDisorder

What is something you were able to do this week that was more than you thought you'd be able to?
I was able to work 3 hours extra past my shift end. It was hard, but I got it done!
I'm proud of myself. 😊 #Proudofmyself #Hardwork #Pushingmyself #Gooddays

Good days make up for the bad days. #TomorrowWillBeBetter#

well....today is the 2nd day in a row I haven't had a complete crying melt down spell. I'm going to take that as a win. but the heaviness still remains. I managed to get out of bed and clean and even took my kiddos to the park. another win. and today is my first day of therapy. #Depression #Anxiety #Gooddays

I remember when i had you. I was more productive. I was happy. You were there for me to help me do more and understand that i can do so much more than i thought i could that day. Organized and driven, you produced results and made me proud to be sharing the moment with you. Although i know we cant spend every day together, i still fantasized about spending the rest of my life with you. Thats what makes days like today so hard, i think.

Today you arent here and i didnt see you yesterday either. My life feels so much worse without your strength and kind touch to my soul, so unlike my #Baddays . They weigh so heavy and are so unkind to every part if me. They make me feel stretched thin, useless, and like im drowning. They tell me so many horrible things about everyone and everything that its overwhelming.

Thats why im thankful for you, #Gooddays . Somehow you've made a small bit of yourself known and present even on my bad day. The clothes i needed for today that i had forgot we had folded and organized just for today were waiting just for me right as my #BadDay told me to be anxious about simply a shower. Its like somehow you knew youd be gone a while abd i would need something, anything, a life raft, to get me through the day, the moment, a minute.

Thank you #GoodDay . Im so glad to have seen you today. Can't wait to see you again.

#Anxiety #GoodthingIhaveanappointmenttoday #Therapy #Counseling #dontbeafraidtoaskforhelp #dontbeafraidtotalk #MentalHealth #PositiveVibes #vibecheck #thingswillgetbetter