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One (RANT) DAY at a TIME

I’ll have #Gooddays & I’ll have bad, though I’m still constantly struggling with my #innerself daily. There are a lot of things I know I have to do, but either my #Anxiety gets worked up, or I’ll try to get it done, or I tell and/or give myself reminders & still somehow end up forgetting about it or I’ve become distracted.

I’ve noticed that my train of thought can now go all over the place. Which is why I now have a lot of notebooks that I could use if I needed to let it out.

When it comes to phone calls I need to make, or appointments to schedule… I spend hours worrying about the #Start - #during - & #End of the whole thing. Before I know it, I can’t call because they’re now closed. Of course now I’ve become #Irritated & #angry at myself.

It never used to be this hard. I know I need to find a job, even IF the job I had #terminated me in part of my #MentalIllness . I feel stuck with no #Positivity in site. & It doesn’t help that even with or without my anxiety ramping up, my #Pride will not let me ask for help.

•I give myself a ‘thumbs up’ daily for getting out of bed.
• I cheer when I have motivation to shower.
• I pat myself on the back, in my mind of course… when I do laundry & put them away.

I still struggle with driving anywhere if I’m alone. Hunter, who is my furbaby soulmate, but also my #esa is always by my side, & either one of my sons or sometimes both would join me so I’m not freaking out while driving on the road.

I feel #Guilt that I’m not being the mom that they need me to be. I feel bad every single time I ask them for help (when I’m getting #overwhelmed trying to tidy up the house). I am mad that my #breakdown caused me to fail in my performance at work & that I #Struggled to do the things they asked of me (because I was never informed from the start that there was info that they could show me & help me with #FMLA ‘cause it would’ve been easy back then to get things in order than it was a couple of months ago). I felt #invisible . I felt my #Voice didn’t matter. I tried… all by myself… in the end, the company I loved working at didn’t give a … about me.

I’m sorry for ranting about nonsense. :(

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Working on this one 🥺😢🌸🌈❤️

Tough times lately either really good days or really bad days and it’s tough fighting your head and body everyday

Finding a balance each day

Appreciate any positive vibes or prayers etc my way! :( and I’ll do the same for you! #Anxiety #struggling #Gooddays #Baddays #Selflove #tough #IntrusiveThoughts #racingthoughts #Trying #triggers #Shame #PTSD #MightyTogether #Tryinghard #tough #sucks #sad #Hope #Depression #SocialAnxiety #BPD #MentalHealth

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Three good days

About six weeks ago, I finally confronted my doctor about his poor listening and how very unsafe I had begun to feel with his caring for my mental health. He was (predictably) not terribly receptive, but he did finally agree to decrease my anti-depressant dosage. The high dosage had led to my inability to accomplish almost anything because I couldn't think or move or understand things. It was bad.

So tapering off was a painful period with physical, emotional, and psychological symptoms. But then I woke up last Sunday at 8:30am without an alarm clock and started thinking (with positive motivation) about the things I could do with my day. I had three days with this calmness and positivity. (Then things went a bit downhill again today.)

It makes me angry to think that I thought I was just super depressed when it was actually my medication making everything worse - and my doctor didn't do a thing to make sure to understand my experience. Even when I told him I had increased thoughts of suicide, had to contact a crisis line several times, and had to take time off work, he just responded with "ok, so I'll give you another three month prescription."

I am currently on a wait list to see a psychiatrist and another wait list to try to get a new doctor (big shortage of both around here). I see a therapist every two weeks (as often as I can afford) and I am so thankful that she was the one who helped me to see how overmedicated my brain was. Hopefully better things are coming.

#MentalHealth #Gooddays #Depression #Anxiety #Trauma #SuicidalThoughts #Medication #PatientAndDoctorExperiences

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A Funny Meme


Sometimes you need to laugh. Especially when it comes to mental health and working. It sounds strange to some, but there are times where you have to focus on the things that really are truthful.

Such as the photo above, a good laugh about a concept like someone telling you to have fun at work. Sometimes work can be fun, but sometimes it really is not. But! That's OK. Everything happens for a reason.

You will have #Gooddays and #Baddays but that is alright. Everyday can be just a day, and eventually whatever it is you're experiencing that day will pass. It's often times sad, but other times happy. But regardless of whatever emotion you're experiencing.. eventually things will boil down to just "I am OK"

So laugh today.
Cry if you need to.

Just Be You.


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Navigating when the sh*t is a little better

I just got back from the gym, I unpack my bag, and I look at my husband and think, today is not so bad. As soon as the thought popped in my head I felt scared. And relieved. And worried.

'What if I overreacted last week? How can I tell people things suck when sometimes they don't? Am I fixed, shouldn't I be working more then? What if it's just today, and tomorrow will suck again?'

So, last week I wrote something, and I didn't expect it to resonate with people this much. The comments were amazing and definitely helped me feel a bit better. We've had hard weeks, and I when I wrote my last post I felt it all.

Today, I don't know, maybe it's because the rain finally stopped, because people have been praying for us like crazy, because we have a new game plan, because I meditated properly, or maybe it's just luck. Today is not so bad.

I read a lot of things on The Mighty that are encouraging, but also a lot of sad stories that don't always lift me up. I thought, if I shared a bad day, I should also share a good day. Reality. And finding our way through this stuff either as a couple, or by myself is difficult on good days and on bad days. There's no tourist guide, no youtube video or podcast that can map it out for us. Maybe sharing about it together, right here, will help. #Depression #thanksforthelove #Gooddays

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Maybe a good day

So, it started as a bad day as suddenly a toxic friend started reaching out to me to complain. My usual reaction is beating my self up and apologizing excessively and telling my self I am not enough. But I told my self today, I will stand up.

It was hard I was maybe shivering and too scared to cut people from my life. This time I found the courage and prioritized myself. I usually avoid conflict because it triggers me but I realized having toxic friendships is the wrong for my mental health. This person judged me, triggered me.

It took me years to not apologize this one time and express what I feel but it felt nice to finally say it. I was extremely anxious but no panic attack after a conflict it was something new. Felt like a little achievement. Felt relieved and nice.

#Gooddays #AnxietyDisorder

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Sunday a great Day!

Honestly even though I didn't do anything really, it was a great day!
Letting go of anger, doing my sunday exercise routine, my plank challenge ( which is a challenge!) 2 laps around my block. I felt great! I woke up Sunday actually feeling refreshed first time in a LONG time! but it could have been all that sleep on Friday!
It was just a good day!!
Monday morning is not as great, I can feel that fatigue slipping in!! I will do my best to go to bed early early tonight!
Today, I am working, we are going to go for our morning walk after breakfast, get the kids to play while I do my plank challenge for the day!! When the kids go home, I am making an easy dinner tonight, go for another walk with Loki, try to meditate before bed! That is something new I am going to try!!
New month, new week, new day! Hope it is a good one!
#Fibromyalgia #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #Fatigue #Gooddays


I got it done!

What is something you were able to do this week that was more than you thought you'd be able to?
I was able to work 3 hours extra past my shift end. It was hard, but I got it done!
I'm proud of myself. 😊 #Proudofmyself #Hardwork #Pushingmyself #Gooddays


one day at a time is the 2nd day in a row I haven't had a complete crying melt down spell. I'm going to take that as a win. but the heaviness still remains. I managed to get out of bed and clean and even took my kiddos to the park. another win. and today is my first day of therapy. #Depression #Anxiety #Gooddays