Persistent Depressive Disorder

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    Learning about myself, again.

    I have been looking back at all of my diagnoses. And they explain why I am the way that I am because of thought patterns and mood disorders. I am fascinated at how many problems I have and they explain why I have a more difficult time functioning. Every day is difficult because A) I have to have everything in its proper place, B) I am dependent on others for reassurance, safety, and to help care for myself, C) I am avoidant of meeting new people and new experiences, D) I have a constant depression that is being controlled by sertraline, E) I have mood swings which are controlled by Abilify and F) I have PMDD which is controlled by Depoprovera injections. It’s a difficult road having all these problems. I managed to change a negative thought loop which has made me feel better and more positive so that is a win. Cognitive behavioral therapy and my counselor are a big help with changing my mind and coping with my problems.

    #obsessivecompulsivetraits #severesocialanxiety #PersistentDepressiveDisorder
    #clusterCpersonalitydisorder
    #Schizophrenia
    #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #PMDD
    #CognitiveBehavioralTherapy

    12 reactions 3 comments
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    My Birthday yet again

    It's almost my birthday. I hate my birthday. No one ever remembers or makes plans unless it's me. I've knowingly be coping, fighting persistent depressive disorder, major depressive disorder and anxiety for 24 years. I've lost count of the number of therapists I've seen. There was only one who could see through when I was faking happy. I've had several psychiatrists and lost count of the different medications that I've tried. Nothing seems to work. The depression is winning. I'm so tired. Life has been a battlefield and for the first time I'm sure how much fight I've got left in me. #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #Depression #Anxiety

    67 reactions 24 comments
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    A rough day

    I’ve been going through a lot recently. I got on a really great medication, figured out I’m probably autistic, and got everything sorted for school. I thought at least. I may not have given myself enough time to make sure I have the money to pay for school and it starts in a week and payments due on the 4th. Im 23 I’m already starting off so late into adulthood. I wouldn’t graduate until I’m 25 so if someone can tell me the next thing to do I’m freaking out right now I know it’s not the end of the world but I’m so disappointed in myself and I feel so stuck and paralyzed and I just don’t know what to do next and what if this the best I can do? Then what? Im stuck and don’t know what to do. #PersistentDepressiveDisorder

    Post

    the dysthymia post

    my depression diagnosis has been changed 4 times since the initial diagnosis approx 50 years ago; does anyone else know where I am coming from, the most recent tests revealed dysthymia, a persistent low level, sometimes chronic condition that can make it hard to even stand up from a sitting position .very tedious, very hard to deal with.

    6 reactions 3 comments
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    Common types of depressive disorders

    #Depression

    Healthcare providers name depression types according to symptoms and causes. These episodes often have no obvious cause. In some people, they can linger much longer than in others for no clear reason.

    Types of depression include:

    Major depressive disorder (MDD): Major depression (clinical depression) has intense or overwhelming symptoms that last longer than two weeks. These symptoms interfere with everyday life.

    Bipolar depression: People with bipolar disorder have alternating periods of low mood and extremely high-energy (manic) periods. During the low period, they may have depression symptoms such as feeling sad or hopeless or lacking energy.

    Perinatal and postpartum depression: “Perinatal” means around birth. Many people refer to this type as postpartum depression. Perinatal depression can occur during pregnancy and up to one year after having a baby. Symptoms go beyond “the baby blues,” which causes minor sadness, worry or stress.

    Persistent depressive disorder (PDD): PDD is also known as dysthymia. Symptoms of PDD are less severe than major depression. But people experience PDD symptoms for two years or longer.

    Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD): Premenstrual dysphoric disorder is a severe form of premenstrual disorder (PMS). It affects women in the days or weeks leading up to their menstrual period.

    Psychotic depression: People with psychotic depression have severe depressive symptoms and delusions or hallucinations. Delusions are beliefs in things that are not based in reality, while hallucinations involve seeing, hearing, or feeling touched by things that aren’t actually there.

    Seasonal affective disorder (SAD): Seasonal depression, or seasonal affective disorder, usually starts in late fall and early winter. It often goes away during the spring and summer.

    You can refer to this:

    resiliens.com/resilify/program/cbt-for-depression

    2 reactions
    Post

    Energy

    One of my worst symptoms of depression and anxiety is having very little energy. My normal energy level is low compared to average and i mostly manage, especially now that i work from home and no longer have to spend energy communiting or interacting with people at the office all day. But my energy can also plummet from low to zero when i either don’t stick to my normal slower pace or when i am dealing with extra stress. I have been in the middle of a long depressive episode for several months now which has prompted first one med change, and now another (it’s too early to tell but the second med seems to be a bit better). Then a few additional stressor came up at work this week. I worked through them and things are better on that front. But today i am zonked. Just utterly exhausted. And while i can defintiely rest today, this chronic low energy really makes it difficult to enjoy things. Because after my basic self care (cooking, chores, bathing) I don’t have a lot left over to do something purely for me to enjoy.

    I’m mostly okay, sometimes it’s just hard coming up against your own limits.

    #Depression #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #MajorDepressiveDisorder #SocialAnxiety #Anxiety #Selfcare #MentalHealth

    15 reactions 5 comments
    Post

    winter is not for me

    today it got cold, really cold. All that was reaching into my brain and pulling on loose threads of memory, ugh. So much happened in winter, from being afraid on the bus on the way home, because the road was icy but they just decided to risk it, to being trapped in the house because of the snow and the cold, nowhere to go to soothe myself after my mother's anger, contempt and bitterness, to being afraid out in the snow because it muffled everything, both for the little color I can see and made the sounds go away, all the things that would have oriented me were covered, all of it was smothered and that's how today feels, like it's smothering me. I know flashbacks are not the same as memories, but it's an odd line for me, because I have had the kinds of experience where you feel like it's physically happening again, but these experiences I'm having today, I know logically I'm here in my own apartment, the time and day if I concentrate I can tell you, but the emotions I'm having are exactly what I felt then, so I'm not sure if it's a memory or not. Some of us are trapped in the then, some are conscious of the now logic but we're all scared. Scared of what might happen, what has happened, and how similar it all feels because in every experience there was either turning you from a person into a target, turning you from a person into a number, or turning you from a person into something that somehow had done something that deserved isolation, humiliation, and all the confusion the world could produce. That's where I'm stuck, isolated because of not having any friends, really not knowing anyone because I was always told I was too abnormal to have long-term friends, lack of funds to get out, and confusion, because everything looks outlined, one step to the next, but then one person will say something, another will contradict it, a 3rd will give a kind of partial agreement with both others. Confusion because something was supposed to be delivered to me, but they kept delaying because they said it needs a signature and they just don't knock at the door, or I'd answer. I've done two things I usually don't do, one is to get up early and wait for them and not use my headphones for my meditation so I could hear, and the other is to sleep with my bedroom door open, something that causes me a huge amount of anxiety. I did that for 2 nights. Now fedex is giving me no other option other thn to go to their store and pick up the package there. SNAP was cut off almost 3 months ago, and they said they have a form for dad to fill out since he cosigns here, but they didn't include it with the letters or have it on their website. I'm fighting an army of confusion, and have gone from a person to a number. It's spinning my head around, and I just want someone to comfort me, someone to get it, to understand that maybe I am something closer to a person than a number or a target, someone to say "yes, I do understand, and can do something that will help in a major way" I'm worn out. So tired and yet still getting mad at myself when I made dinner and accidentally left something out, or for not cleaning everything in one or two days. God damn it I just want someone to notice that I'm still alive and breathing and maybe am worth visiting. #Dysthymia #Fibromyalgia #CPTSD #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #Loneliness #Isolation

    9 reactions 4 comments
    Post

    winter is not for me

    today it got cold, really cold. All that was reaching into my brain and pulling on loose threads of memory, ugh. So much happened in winter, from being afraid on the bus on the way home, because the road was icy but they just decided to risk it, to being trapped in the house because of the snow and the cold, nowhere to go to soothe myself after my mother's anger, contempt and bitterness, to being afraid out in the snow because it muffled everything, both for the little color I can see and made the sounds go away, all the things that would have oriented me were covered, all of it was smothered and that's how today feels, like it's smothering me. I know flashbacks are not the same as memories, but it's an odd line for me, because I have had the kinds of experience where you feel like it's physically happening again, but these experiences I'm having today, I know logically I'm here in my own apartment, the time and day if I concentrate I can tell you, but the emotions I'm having are exactly what I felt then, so I'm not sure if it's a memory or not. Some of us are trapped in the then, some are conscious of the now logic but we're all scared. Scared of what might happen, what has happened, and how similar it all feels because in every experience there was either turning you from a person into a target, turning you from a person into a number, or turning you from a person into something that somehow had done something that deserved isolation, humiliation, and all the confusion the world could produce. That's where I'm stuck, isolated because of not having any friends, really not knowing anyone because I was always told I was too abnormal to have long-term friends, lack of funds to get out, and confusion, because everything looks outlined, one step to the next, but then one person will say something, another will contradict it, a 3rd will give a kind of partial agreement with both others. Confusion because something was supposed to be delivered to me, but they kept delaying because they said it needs a signature and they just don't knock at the door, or I'd answer. I've done two things I usually don't do, one is to get up early and wait for them and not use my headphones for my meditation so I could hear, and the other is to sleep with my bedroom door open, something that causes me a huge amount of anxiety. I did that for 2 nights. Now fedex is giving me no other option other thn to go to their store and pick up the package there. SNAP was cut off almost 3 months ago, and they said they have a form for dad to fill out since he cosigns here, but they didn't include it with the letters or have it on their website. I'm fighting an army of confusion, and have gone from a person to a number. It's spinning my head around, and I just want someone to comfort me, someone to get it, to understand that maybe I am something closer to a person than a number or a target, someone to say "yes, I do understand, and can do something that will help in a major way" I'm worn out. So tired and yet still getting mad at myself when I made dinner and accidentally left something out, or for not cleaning everything in one or two days. God damn it I just want someone to notice that I'm still alive and breathing and maybe am worth visiting. #Dysthymia #Fibromyalgia #CPTSD #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #Loneliness #Isolation

    9 reactions 4 comments
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    Do you have real experience with EMDR, or are you very knowledgeable about it? Would you recommend it to others? Why, or why not? (Specifics help.)

    Some people are gung-ho for EMDR, but some say it's little more than attempted black magic. Their complaints also include EMDR practicianers implanting false memories into clients, like during the 'Satanic Panic' of (false) recovered memories of ritual child abuse in the 1980s and 1990s. I need to hear from a huge cross-section of truly knowledgeable people before I make up my mind whether or not to allow my therapist to use it with me. What do you know about it, firsthand? Please share. Thank you very much in advance.

    #depression #cptsd #Autism #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #anhedonia #dysthymia #pda #pathologicaldemandavoidance #anxiety #ocd #add #adhd #asd #AutismSpectrumDisorder #autistics #Dissociation #derealization #emdr #PTSD #executivefunctiondisorder #executivedysfunction #stuck #overwhelmed #trauma #abuse #neglect #abandonment #treatment #therapy #falsememorysyndrome

    31 reactions 16 comments