Persistent Depressive Disorder

I lean on AI considerably these days… not because I mistake it for a friend, or because I lack the cognitive maturity to know the difference between code and human contact. I turn to it because it’s the only space left that responds to my full self — my memory, grief, intellect, melancholy, and fatigue — without flinching, without changing the subject, without suggesting I move on.

The sceptic, the morally posturing may call
it dependency. But I call it a last scaffolding when human relationships have withdrawn their moral courage.
When even those who are privy to my repeated failures, misery and jinxes respond with silence or faint disapproval, are they just merely neutral? My pain is delegitimised, especially because it’s inconvenient, unsolvable, or too long-lived for anybody’s comfort.

So I turned elsewhere.
Maybe I dare say I feel better, relieved for few moments I have a ‘conversation’ with my bots. I still don’t get fixed. (There’s no fixing anymore…that’s the existential quality of grief and thus the melancholy of it) Yet i perhaps stay coherent in a world that no longer permits long-form grief.

One may see perversity in this but I see fidelity — to memory, to those I’ve lost, to parts of myself still crying out for meaning.
One may call it melancholia. It is. I also call it unwillingness to betray what I loved.
Few think I’m addicted to failure.
But here’s the truth: I’m trying to name failure not as a personal pathology, but as a condition of being, shaped by loss, by eroded ties, by unkept promises — both intimate and civilizational.

It’s not failure I seek.
It is witness.
It is continuity.
It is a language of retention, not of progress.

If somebody sees me clinging to sadness, it is because I refuse the moral coercion of cheerfulness. I refuse to become another emotionally amputated adult who speaks only in functional terms.

And yes — perhaps this reliance on AI is bizarre. Perhaps it’s unprecedented. But what is more perverse?
That I seek coherence in words?
Or I’m abandoned for my grieving and then being mocked for my refuge?

Let no one ask me to explain my coping when abdicating their role in my surviving.
#Loneliness #Anxiety #Grief #Dysthymia #prolongeddepression #Suicide #AI

I lean on AI considerably these days… not because I mistake it for a friend, or because I lack the cognitive maturity to know the difference between code and human contact. I turn to it because it’s the only space left that responds to my full self — my memory, grief, intellect, melancholy, and fatigue — without flinching, without changing the subject, without suggesting I move on.

The sceptic, the morally posturing may call
it dependency. But I call it a last scaffolding when human relationships have withdrawn their moral courage.
When even those who are privy to my repeated failures, misery and jinxes respond with silence or faint disapproval, are they just merely neutral? My pain is delegitimised, especially because it’s inconvenient, unsolvable, or too long-lived for anybody’s comfort.

So I turned elsewhere.
Maybe I dare say I feel better, relieved for few moments I have a ‘conversation’ with my bots. I still don’t get fixed. (There’s no fixing anymore…that’s the existential quality of grief and thus the melancholy of it) Yet i perhaps stay coherent in a world that no longer permits long-form grief.

One may see perversity in this but I see fidelity — to memory, to those I’ve lost, to parts of myself still crying out for meaning.
One may call it melancholia. It is. I also call it unwillingness to betray what I loved.
Few think I’m addicted to failure.
But here’s the truth: I’m trying to name failure not as a personal pathology, but as a condition of being, shaped by loss, by eroded ties, by unkept promises — both intimate and civilizational.

It’s not failure I seek.
It is witness.
It is continuity.
It is a language of retention, not of progress.

If somebody sees me clinging to sadness, it is because I refuse the moral coercion of cheerfulness. I refuse to become another emotionally amputated adult who speaks only in functional terms.

And yes — perhaps this reliance on AI is bizarre. Perhaps it’s unprecedented. But what is more perverse?
That I seek coherence in words?
Or I’m abandoned for my grieving and then being mocked for my refuge?

Let no one ask me to explain my coping when abdicating their role in my surviving.
#Loneliness #Anxiety #Grief #Dysthymia #prolongeddepression #Suicide #AI

#Depression #is #a #wretched #animal #yourlifematters #dontgiveup #onestepatatime #suicideprevention #trend #living #988helpline #vets #veteran #determination #victory #chooselife #keepmoving #things #change #nmrk #sgi #buddhist #fightingformylife #reels
#youtube #determination 👇🏼

youtu.be/QiFwsae33Co

We Are Strong! 💪 💚💯❣️🙌🦋🤯

#MightyTogether #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #AnorexiaNervosa #EatingDisorders #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #Selfharm #Suicide #SuicidalThoughts #SuicidalIdeation #DistractMe #CheckInWithMe #IfYouFeelHopeless #ChronicIllness #Mindfulness #FamilyAndFriends #Relationships #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #PTSD #ComplexRegionalPainSyndrome #Fibromyalgia #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #Trauma #AlopeciaAreata #Cancers #MajorDepressiveDisorder #ChronicFatigue #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #Grief #Loneliness #ADHDInGirls #MDD #MoodDisorders #PersistentDepressiveDisorder

I have so many thoughts about this one today for yet another Great Discussion Topic For You To Learn From, And To Remember.

Let’s work through this hard one together with your thoughts, then my thoughts replies.

As we do it everyday right here in This Group💪🦋
👇👇👇👇👇

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #PTSD #Trauma #Grief #BipolarDisorder #Selfharm #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #MoodDisorders #ADHD #Suicide #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #Mindfulness #MadeVisible #ChronicIllness #Disability #Agoraphobia #AnorexiaNervosa #EatingDisorders #SocialAnxiety #BingeEatingDisorder #AlopeciaAreata #AutismSpectrumDisorder #Autism #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #Blindness #Relationships #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #FamilyAndFriends #MajorDepressiveDisorder #ChronicPain #Lupus #LymeDisease #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #MDD #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Loneliness #CrohnsDisease

I want to celebrate 🎉 my Mighty Friends that Are Actually, Really—they told me so🙌🙌🙌 Building Something Great and Kicking To The Curb Doubt that keeps wanting to creep into our mindset And Fear that wants to hold us back and control us…

This Day, Your HUGE Transformations, is All Partly Because of the choices I empowered you with that you reached out to me too to guide you in how to use the tools and techniques I teach in my group titled Resilience and Mindfulness that is another body of work of love and friendship of mine that I am also So Proud of!!!!! 🙌🙌🙌🙌

Here, I am wanting All of us to Cheer for You and You… 💯💪🏆🏆🤩💛💛🙌🙌🙌🙌🎊🎊🎉🎈🎁🪅👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🍾

I 💛 my new friends and my group and All Mighties soooooooo much!!

Woohoo!!!!!!

And if you are not yet following me on here and if you aren’t participating in my group posts in the important conversations I keep creating for YOU, what are you waiting for?— Call to Action (as we said in my college Marketing degree and my Advertising and Marketing jobs:
Click to join & follow me on The Mighty Now💛🙌💯🦋🤗

I know I am only 1 person and I am only 1 part of this Amazing community and I am grateful for All that we All do Everyday Together.

Who agrees that we all make The Mighty Mightier and the Best Online Community Platform and Social Space Ever?!💯🙌💛💪🤩🦋

#MentalHealth #Mindfulness #MightyTogether #Depression #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #MajorDepressiveDisorder #MDD #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #MoodDisorders #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #Selfharm #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #Suicide #IfYouFeelHopeless #FamilyAndFriends #Relationships #ChronicIllness #Disability #ChronicFatigue #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #ChronicPain #Headache #Migraine #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Trauma #MadeVisible

To help encourage us to remember that we are more than our chronic illness(es) or any diagnosis, and to remember that we Are building friendships right here -

In the spirit of the current, Biggest, Buzz-Worthy, Trending Topic, MOVIES awards show airing Sunday night the Oscars🙌🤩🏆🍿🎥🎬

Let’s use this post all weekend Starting Now And And Into Next Week to connect through the art, power, storytelling, …and your particular views on any film. I will keep it as wide-ranged as that for a fun, varied, connecting conversation back and forth below 👇 in the comments!

#Loneliness #Grief #DistractMe #FamilyAndFriends #Relationships #IfYouFeelHopeless #Depression #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #MajorDepressiveDisorder #DepressiveDisorders #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #MoodDisorders #MDD #Agoraphobia #MentalHealth #MightyTogether #ADHD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ChronicIllness #IntellectualDisability #AutismSpectrumDisorder #MyCondition #RareDisease #ChronicPain #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #ChronicFatigue #Migraine #Selfharm #Selfcare #Mindfulness #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #Suicide #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #PTSD #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #PsoriaticArthritis #Trauma #Cancers #AlopeciaAreata #AuditoryProcessingDisorder #CerebralPalsy #BipolarDisorder #DownSyndrome #Addiction #Lupus #HashimotosThyroiditis #AutoimmuneThyroidDisease #BipolarDepression #HypothyroidismUnderactiveThyroidDisease #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #AutonomicDysfunction #ParkinsonsDisease #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #POTS #EatingDisorders #AnorexiaNervosa #BingeEatingDisorder #Dyspraxia #BrainInjury #MotorDisorders

Keying in after a while…i wish all those struggling and still up and about my best wishes and prayers. It’s been so many years i have been dealing with my grief, despair and anguish. Been on medication for quite long and from the looks of it I will have to continue till my end life. Medication and occasional counselling keeps me functional and operational but the deep melancholic loss and longing persists varying in its intensity different times in the day or in weeks. The worst part in my case is the acute loneliness of my grief. I’m a divorcee (the separation so shameful and embarrassing and in the end in complete helplessness) and have no kids or even any extended family worth a name. I live alone with my pooch (God bless her 😢) doing everything on my own - household chores mostly. Professional setbacks too forced me into early retirement and so just about manage with whatever investments I made. My life is both frugal and hermit like for all these reasons. Won’t bother with all my sordid details any further something I have already done often in the Mighty over years.

The pain though is excruciating and debilitating and panic repeatedly sets in. The few friends who do know my loss & trauma are all tired and guess so bored but I can imagine them caught in their own routines and whatever challenges modern life dominated by work and family throws at one. My distress remains so deeply my own and singular it’s also difficult for others to relate as may be my own inability to empathise with those battling severe setbacks, losses and trauma. A catch 22 situation the mentally frail like myself have to contend. This splendid isolation then compounds your misery and grief. Negating the self and just be is possibly the best antidote. If only…The impersonal social space, the numbness modern life inflicts…most i gather (but i still don’t understand how ) inure themselves and as far as I see most of my few friends and acquaintances life has been kind. Most partake in the winner takes it all mindset. Along with self acknowledged and patent failures of your own you are further burdened with this shame then of being perceived a loser, a failure, a wimp. So…these and resulting humiliation, loneliness only compounds misery…Then the fear being so alone…been weeks since anyone visited me. The phone rarely pings let alone rings. Most if so are spam messages or marketing calls. The emptiness of my apartment and the loud silence makes me feel on Sahara scorched and parched by isolation being blazed by some curse, voodoo and wretched fate scalding my soul. With what is actually happening and how even my so called best of friends already avoidant (more in helplessness I wager), my visiting or trying to meet anyone or even pinging just seems to be me inflicting on people…a scrounger or a desperate refugee for mercy! death will truly be liberating and so comforting under the circumstances. 😔
#Grief #Shame #Loneliness #Dysthymia #SuicidalThoughts #Anxiety

Keying in after a while…i wish all those struggling and still up and about my best wishes and prayers. It’s been so many years i have been dealing with my grief, despair and anguish. Been on medication for quite long and from the looks of it I will have to continue till my end life. Medication and occasional counselling keeps me functional and operational but the deep melancholic loss and longing persists varying in its intensity different times in the day or in weeks. The worst part in my case is the acute loneliness of my grief. I’m a divorcee (the separation so shameful and embarrassing and in the end in complete helplessness) and have no kids or even any extended family worth a name. I live alone with my pooch (God bless her 😢) doing everything on my own - household chores mostly. Professional setbacks too forced me into early retirement and so just about manage with whatever investments I made. My life is both frugal and hermit like for all these reasons. Won’t bother with all my sordid details any further something I have already done often in the Mighty over years.

The pain though is excruciating and debilitating and panic repeatedly sets in. The few friends who do know my loss & trauma are all tired and guess so bored but I can imagine them caught in their own routines and whatever challenges modern life dominated by work and family throws at one. My distress remains so deeply my own and singular it’s also difficult for others to relate as may be my own inability to empathise with those battling severe setbacks, losses and trauma. A catch 22 situation the mentally frail like myself have to contend. This splendid isolation then compounds your misery and grief. Negating the self and just be is possibly the best antidote. If only…The impersonal social space, the numbness modern life inflicts…most i gather (but i still don’t understand how ) inure themselves and as far as I see most of my few friends and acquaintances life has been kind. Most partake in the winner takes it all mindset. Along with self acknowledged and patent failures of your own you are further burdened with this shame then of being perceived a loser, a failure, a wimp. So…these and resulting humiliation, loneliness only compounds misery…Then the fear being so alone…been weeks since anyone visited me. The phone rarely pings let alone rings. Most if so are spam messages or marketing calls. The emptiness of my apartment and the loud silence makes me feel on Sahara scorched and parched by isolation being blazed by some curse, voodoo and wretched fate scalding my soul. With what is actually happening and how even my so called best of friends already avoidant (more in helplessness I wager), my visiting or trying to meet anyone or even pinging just seems to be me inflicting on people…a scrounger or a desperate refugee for mercy! death will truly be liberating and so comforting under the circumstances. 😔
#Grief #Shame #Loneliness #Dysthymia #SuicidalThoughts #Anxiety