EmptyInside

The the last couple of months, most of my dreams have portrayed my innermost thoughts and fears. Everything from being abandoned by others, being unable to speak up when in trouble, even shouting terrible things just before waking up. I’ve spoken to my therapist about all of these things, and yesterday I cried during the whole session. I finally opened up about how felt small when it came to my mom and that in my last dream the last thing that she said to me was that I was a disappointment. The thing about this is that she never said this outside. I remember having a dream years ago and the last thing that I said to her before waking up was that I hated her. I think the worst thing is that I never felt that I was enough. I never felt that I did enough even if I did get praise. I feel like I have a gaping hole that just can’t be filled no matter what I do. Love can’t even fill this space. At the moment I feel empty inside... I honestly don’t feel a thing. Maybe I cried everything out, but this kind of emptiness is different from the past times I’ve felt this way. I brought up to my therapist that with all of my experiences has caused me to feel that I am a waste of space and that I don’t deserve to be here. I’ve just about given up at this point, I’m very tired. #MentalHealth #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #imtired #givingup #EmptyInside

So I was in a relationship with a wonderful woman I stopped cold turkey using drugs but I drank a lot. My personality had changed as I started going through the worst of my worst with my mental health, she left me after four months and got into a relationship right away. Why am I in love able why does everyone leave me... #EmptyInside

TW: self-harm mention.
Honestly I’m emotionally broken at this point. I’m not saying that in a self-deprecating way, just simple acknowledgement.
I’ve been repressing my emotions for so long, and to a much greater extent recently thanks to anxiety, that now I can hardly feel anything. Most of my life I’ve automatically repressed some of my emotions, just because it was how I was brought up, but recently anxiety has made me purposefully repress my emotions more than I had previously. It stopped me from self-harming, but now it’s almost impossible for me to feel anything. I look at my friends, and even when I’m actively trying to feel the love I know I have for them, it’s just outside my grasp. I miss self-harm simply because then I could still feel things, I still felt alive. Now all I feel is nothing but a void, an echo of what once was.
But I’m also afraid of my own emotions, so afraid that I don’t know which I want more. For my emotions to slowly begin to live again as I spend more time with my friends, out for me to fall into old habits of self-harm so that I can maybe feel alive again without having to truly combat my emotions. I hate this, because I haven’t self-harmed in months, and gods help me, I don’t want to relapse, but I’m terrified of my own emotions.
*sighs* I know myself well enough to know that I won’t relapse any time soon, but I hate how emotionally broken I am.

#Depression #Anxiety #Stress #scared #Selfharm #emotionallynumb #numb #EmptyInside #FeelingEmpty

How should you feel ?

there is suddenly someone who tries to empathize, who knows what you’re going through and that’s when you start to feel a little less lonely ,you feel that now that someone will understand ,you won’t have to cry alone in pain ,but then there is a sudden realization that the person is gone the person no longer understands he never did and you feel as empty and as hollow as you ever did and you no longer know how to feel because you still have no one.

I’ve had some good days recently, I’ve even started on some goals that I have. Then there are days like this were I feel empty, I feel like it really doesn’t matter if I existed or not, and that I don’t matter to anyone. I feel like there is a hole in my chest again. I don’t really feel like myself either. I want to cry, I feel like screaming, and I wan to sleep. I have both appointments with my doctor and psychologist this week, so this will be interesting. I’m still on meds, but lately I don’t really feel like taking them. Lately, I’ve also been feeling like all that I’m good for is making others feel good about themselves to where they leave me for other people. I feel like one really needs me, but there’s always someone who says otherwise. I don’t know how anyone sees all the “good” parts of me when all I see is the bad parts of myself. Yesterday, I was driving in the parking lot and my mom was yelling at me for driving on the wrong side and I was triggered. I couldn’t think straight and I didn’t say much after that. I know that she meant well in the area of criticism, but I hate when she yells because I got yelled at quite a bit as a kid and even as an adult, I will emotionally shutdown. When this happens, I’m on the verge of tears, but as I got older, I literally will tell myself not to cry and to make myself emotionally numb so that nothing else happens and that I don’t have to say much. I spent time in my room after that. This morning I was feeling pretty good, but that feeling changes mostly around the middle of the day. It’s exhausting sometimes. Sometimes I wish I was someone else, but I’m still here. #MentalHealth #Depression #EmptyInside

You ever get the overwhelming feeling of dead inside. Nothing makes you happy. You want to be alone, but not alone. Your soul feels gone. There is a hole in your chest. All the past mistakes you’ve made are flashing before your eyes. You want to die, but not at the same tine. You want someone to hold you, but you don’t know how to ask. Being depressed, what I realized, isn’t just being sad anymore, it’s feeling an overwhelming amount of emptiness and dead inside. I feel like a zombie just wanting to lie down to rest. Nothing seems to get better. Nothing seems comfortable. Nothing seems easy. It feels like you’re getting in your own way. You just feel nothing... I just feel nothing and I wouldn’t wish this pain on my worse enemy anymore. People who joke about this are lucky because the actual pain is hell. #BipolarDepression #BipolarDisorder #Depression #deadinside #MentalHealth #aloneinlife #Anxiety #EmptyInside

I feel empty from all of the negativity she’s thrown to me #EmptyInside

So depressed I can’t even explain what happened. Im empty and numb and wish I’d just die. I’m going to bed.

How to explain emptiness when you cant touch it while you feel it , how to count it if when you go inside it you ruin it, engrossing, draining and a lot of other word thatI could look for but any of it describe it and confine everything that emptiness means
Doesn’t matter if it is existencial , emotional , fisical o imaginary this disease causes more chest pains tant any other nuds in the throat, , and tears in the eyes , hard to diagnose and harder to treat and cure
Emptiness is a condition that we dint wish it to anyone to have it , and if you have it there is no going back,when more you decide to figure it out more intelligent It would be ,egnimatic, complicated,and simple this emptiness is looking for victims to the most vulnerable people that cant live with its own sorrow, treatment: ti write, read, talk
Cure: none disponible #Depression #EmptyInside #Emptiness #WritingThroughIt