EnoughIsEnough

• " Today Is My 2 Year Anniversary For Working At T.C. And I Work Very Hard At My Job Alway's. But My Non Passion Is Dealing With Any Kind Of Human Face To Face... I Had People Insult Me.. Throw Thing's And Tantrum's At Me Over Food. And Worng Order's. They Don't Even Realize Thier Own Mistake's That I Alway's. I Have To Call My Boss For. To Fix... But It's Alway's My Fault In Everyone's Eye's. The Other Day My Boss Told Me To Stop Making Excuse's And Complaining Alot. Mind You I Was Simply Trying To Explain What I Go Through With These Entitled People.. And She Yelled At Me And Humiliated Me In Front Of Everyone... Telling Me That I Was Being Extremely Rude To Customer's. No I Was Not I Haven't Been Feeling Myself. Ever Since I Can Never Make Anyone Happy. But It's Not Place Or Job To Be Going Through So Much BS.. I Wanted To Hurt Myself Saturday Night. I Was So Upset And Retracing My Step's In My Head. And Came To The Conclusion. That It's Not My Issue's. People Are Just Plainly Acting Entitled. And My Boss Will Alway's Make Me Look Like A Lair No Matter What... I Have No Support Whatsoever. And Then They Keep Talking Behind My Back. And Trashing Me. I Do Speak Up And I'm Very Opinionated... So Idk I Just Hold Thing's Into A Bubble. Because Everytime I Open Up Or Speak Up I'm Alway's The Bad Guy And Worng... So I'm Not Saying Anything And More.. I'm Not Getting Any Kind Of Support.. I Have Kindly Asked To Be Removed From Doing Register... And I Alway's Get A NO!. " • ☆ SKAOI ☆ #Depression #Insomnia

I’m becoming frustrated and disgusted with a system supposedly designed to help I’ve tried to explain to my psychiatrist that unfortunately Ativan or known as as lorazepam is the only thing that seems to help and go figure wonders why people don’t trust authority figures anymore I mean seriously God please please do something

Im doing something I've been putting off due to negativity. Im starting to take care of myself in every which way. Like it or not. Im forcing myself to smile and be happy with life's issues and whatever bullshit gets thrown at me. Im tired of letting the negativity get the best of me. Its my turn to take back what belongs to me. I deserve to be happy and I'm getting that back on my own. #selflovemeanstome #EnoughIsEnough #Happiness #makingmyownhappiness #AFightWorthFinishing

#MedicalPtsd #EnoughIsEnough
For the last 5 years I’ve been through 9 major surgeries, 5+ dozen procedures, 80-90 hospitalizations, pneumonia 6 times, MRSA/Staph 4 times, had a feeding tube for about 8 mos, 5 PICC lines, 2 central lines, and a partridge in a dead tree. Pear I mean pear tree!! 😂 And to add to that, my home burned down to arson and I was the only one home, took care of and buried my grandfather with Alzheimer’s, dealt with a cheating and selfish narcissistic spouse, 2 major hurricanes, and countless other stressors that I can’t even mention. While we were evacuated for Hurricane Laura, I started having severe lower right abdominal and side back pains. Well, I kinda hoped it was just gas, constipation, or even a stressful tummy. Around 3 am at the hotel, I had to wake the husband up (who was angry because I needed to go to the Er in a strange town I’d never been in) to take me to the hospital because I thought it was my appendix. Hell, that’d been easy compared to this. I have a tumor on my right kidney that’s growing quite aggressively. I seen the regular urologist today. She’s ordered a stat MRI (that I have to be sedated for) and is sending me to a urological oncologist (I think I got that right). Apparently he’s #2 in all of UTMB oncology, and this is kind of his specialty. While I’m grateful she’s sending me to one of the best, it takes my anxiety to a whole other level. I even apologized in the room with her because I was rambling (I do that when I’m anxious) and dropped some papers. I told her “I’m sorry I’m just concerned and worried.” She said “It’s ok. You have every right to be concerned because I am too.” I almost lost it. I’m sooo tired of hospitals and tests and crap.

I am writing this as a reminder to myself that today is the day I decided enough was enough. That I will not let this chemical imbalance rule my life anymore. I am going to get help. Today is day one, and I am going to share my journey here to keep myself accountable. I hope that it will help me, and maybe in turn help someone else.

#BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #DayOne #EnoughIsEnough

I admit, sometimes I think that I'm a hypochondriac because every little thing throughout the day that feels "off" I ponder to myself "could this be something related to ___?" but usually I'm good at shaking that off pretty quickly. However, for the most part, the *Big things I notice throughout the days and weeks on end have left me barely able to remain "high functioning", at least not nearly what I was several years ago. But my symptoms have always been considered "almost enough" to be "something". Test results came back positive for autoimmune, but the symptoms I experience are not severe enough to pinpoint or worry, because I'm functioning. My mental health presents well enough that when I speak with professionals I subconsciously self-sabotage and minimize my symptoms so that my results say that I'm not enough any one thing for a specific diagnosis other than generalized anxiety and depression. (It wasn't until recently that I finally stopped minimizing and was taken mostly seriously about my mental health but it's still a struggle, I still have yet to be tested after coming out honestly). Anyways, my thoughts and questions here are:

"Does anyone else ever feel like their going crazy trying to understand why the feel a certain way that never gets a good explanation and often left feeling even worse than you came in when you go to the doctor because the doubt and disbelief coming off them is almost palatable?"

"What would 'Extreme Enough' for me even look like? Do I need to faint? Do I need to go to a psych hospital? Bleed from my anus? Pass out on my desk at work consistently like I want to but don't because I want to keep my job so I just take naps on my lunch break almost every day instead of eating consistently?"
What and when is "Enough" that I'm not feeling as though I don't know how to take care of myself and always feel heavy, helpless, and fake?

I want to stop worrying about my mental illness and I want to stop dealing with it being in the way. it’s crippling and I feel that it has impacted my life so much in a negative way that I would love to just blame all on the devil. He’s real and he’s just plain evil. I just want to focus on my family and stop with the bullshit things that my mind puts in front of me. #EnoughIsEnough #MentalIllness #Anxiety #MoodDisorder #ADHD

It has become a yearly thing. Stand in line at the DMV to take my permit test. Its been four years now, and I've watched a majority of my friends get their licenses six months into having their permits. I wish it didn't bother me so much... I know I will get there and that I will hold it in my hands proudly, but I can't help but be jealous how little time it took them. Most of it isn't my fault, due to car issues and modifications in the car, but its daunting to watch everyone celebrating the thing you desire most. On top of everything else, I have to go through a different process than everyone I know due to the modification to my steering wheel. It includes paperwork and interviews and it makes me look in the mirror at myself in disgust. I want this so badly, but being positive is hard. Each year that passes I feel more distant for not being able to meet my goal.

An intense feeling of “disconnect” or a dream like state has stuck with me for about the past 7 or so years never going away, (I’m currently 17) it started out as a very mild feeling and the years it has gotten worse. At this point in my life It’s worse than it’s ever been. Everyday is a struggle for me even with the littlest things. I will admit I have not tried to get help for this in the past as I just naively hoped it would go away on its own, I now realize that seeking help is the only option at this point as this disorder is consuming my life. Thank you for listening!