Feeling Betrayed: The world flipped upside down, but our past didn’t go away, they just were created in differents. My life still sucks and my between my family and my illnesses, they will forever be the reason why. Oh, can’t forget losing my best friend this time My Fur Baby Chief”.
#AutonomicDysfunction #potssyndrome #CIDP #Depression #Anxiety #fakesmile
Prime example this week. I called in sick on monday because I was awake for 34ish hours (due to insomnia). Not sleeping also triggers my other conditions like migraines and RA flare ups.
Anyway, this is a prime example of why I always regret telling my coworkers (or anyone) about my insomnia at work. Its so damn frustraing to get responses like these from people when the know i have chronic illnesses
Me: sorry i didnt come in. I was awake for about 34 hours and didnt think it was safe to work.
Coworker: have you tried warm milk with garlic? Works for me every time.
Coworker 2: Lush has this lotion that helps me sleep. It smells so good
NO KAREN. IVE HAD INSOMNIA MY WHOLE LIFE AND NEVER THOUGHT TO TRY WARM MILK BEFORE. AND I CANT TRY THAT LOTION BECAUSE SCENTS TRIGGER MY MIGRAINES BUT COOL, THANKS FOR YOUR MAGICAL MILK AND LOTION CURES THAT'LL CHANGE MY BRAIN CHEMISTRY FOR SURE
#Insomnia #RheumatoidArthritis #frustrations #Migraines #Anxiety #ignorance #ignoranceisnotinnocence #CheckInWithMe #ButYouDontLookSick #Cantgetoutofbed #Cantalwaysplayalong #fakesmile #fakeittillyoumakeit #healthcareworker
I constantly pretend to be happy when in reality it’s far from the truth. I’m always depressed and get anxiety attacks pretty often. However I have a reputation with my friends for always being happy. Idk how to stop acting all the time. I feel crazy at times though bc it’s like I’m living a whole other life. My mom suggests I should let my friends in on my depression, but I’m bad at letting people in about my depression. I’ve learned from my past no one really understands mental illnesses. #Anxiety #Depression #fakesmile #alone
I was meant to have an appointment yesterday, but my psychologist was sick. It’ll be another two weeks before I get to see her...
I’d needed this appointment. I’ve had a bad few weeks at work. I’d been back home visiting my parents and that often brings stuff up.
I had people commenting while I was home about me being happy in the city I’m living in, and all I wanted to do was scream and tell them just how unhappy and anxious and depressed I am! I work to hide it from everyone, but I also just wish they’d see past the fake smiles and the trying to be polite and not bring the mood down...
A friend posted a photo of me and her from before one of my best friends committed suicide. I could see the genuine happiness in my face, that I haven’t had for so long. The photo was from the last weekend I saw my friend that died.
It’s almost 18 months since then... and I’m just as broken. And nothing is improving. And I’m tired of fighting. #SuicideLoss #Depression #Anxiety #fakesmile
I feel like I'm too needy for anyone...
Or that all I give to others is not enough, but what I requires is too much.
I'm afraid my boyfriend will leave me when he sees all the scars I have both physically and mentally. I'm afraid he'll think I am not worth the time and energy and love to repair.
Y'know, my old therapist once told me that it is ironic how much love I give to others, yet I don't give myself near enough. I care about old homeless strangers more than I care about myself.
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