grateful

It’s been a long time I posted here.. It was due to my exam result.. Yeah,my final result.. And, I did graduated from my college and also with an impressive grade.. Yeah, I mean I didn’t even expect that the result would turn out so good. Cause my depression started for this and the whole year I passed having extreme anxiety and depression.. Cause I was in such stage where I was confused if I can actually sit for the exam or not.. If I look back my past posts here, I would see my fear,anxiety, depression, panic attacks and suicidal attempts and thoughts just because of this exam.. Cause it’s final exam and I had to do it cause I didn’t want to take a break.. I never did.. So,now I am thinking if I could see the 18 years old me, I would have told her that come on, it’s goona be okay.. Yeah, it would be.. You can do it.. I mean just for this, I had to tolerate so many things that I can't express.. I remember my exam was in the next day and I couldn’t even open my books.. I was listening from my friends that they have started before 3 days and here I wasn’t able to do it though the next day was my exam.. It was horrifying.. I still remember I was pulling that thin rubber band and then letting go of it.. It was very painful but that moment I didn’t feel any pain or something.. I still have that picture from that time when my hand was full of red marks due to it.. Also,not to mention, those days where at one point I wanted to give in but I didn’t.. I feel very very proud of myself for not giving up.. I was so insecure and my illnesses was also getting worse at that time.. I mean, diagonised with Major Depressive Disorder just before 2 months before my final exam was never easy.. Also to adjust with it’s medicines, it took me like a month.. And after this, there were just 15 days left for my exam... Oh, I still remember when I used to motivate myself. More likely convincing myself to go for the exams.. I was literally dying at that time.. Yeah, every day and every night I felt like I am dying.. I was not even okay during my exams days cause somehow MDD just made it worse.. So, what should I say.. I am at loss of words.. Also,having this grade was really surprising cause I know how hard it was for me.. Well, I always believed that life is unpredictable.. Yeah,completely... I mean if someone asked me that time, I would've probably cried and said I don’t know.. I am not sure😩.. It was a fight.. And I fought it.. It’s not like I am showing off and all. No, I am not.. Mighty and the mighties have been my part of this journey from the very beginning and that’s why I am sharing this.. You know what if someone asks me about that time, I choose my answer that I Couldn't.. No, it was never that I didn’t.. Rather It was always I couldn’t.. I feel these two things have a very significant meaning.. And, also a very impressive way to get over from your insecurity and the lack of self-confidence.. Also to stop the torture we do to ourselves when we didn’t do anything.. It’s an illness and we can't just skip it.. It’s a part of life.. And I choose to live with it.. I hope sharing my messed up story would help someone who has been going through something like this.. Cause I have faced the worst yet I choose to fight against it.. I just didn’t wanna give up no matter what.. One thing I always believed that people like us can live, can dream and can go for it.. We can cause we are the strongest ever.. Well, this would be my reminder that I am not goona give up and I would fight against the whole world for myself.. I would go for my dreams no matter what and everything.. Cause this illness can't just snitch our rights to live, to dream and to be happy... Dear 18, I did it.. Yes, I did.. And, I believe we all mighties can .. Cause we were always the champions and still we are.. Hope it can be a bit helpful for someone like me... Also,I am grateful to everyone here for being so supportive and amazing💝.. Thanks for being the part of this.. Love and support for everyone 💐💐💐.. #Depression #MentalHealth #Anxiety #MajorDepressiveDisorder #self -appreciation #grateful #mighties