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    Hitting Bottom With Everything

    Hi everyone. I’ve been having a really hard time for a LONG time, and I need to get things out of my head tonight. As some of you know I’ve been having health problems for quite awhile, plus dealing with the loss of my Dad and now my precious baby Roxie. Well, I dont know if Ive mentioned it very often, but I also have a problem with overeating. Ive been doing it mostly since Daddy passed in 2020, and it’s become really painful physically yet I can’t stop. I barely remember the past two weeks since my sweet dog-baby passed because I’ve just been binging, sleeping, and playing my video games. I haven’t gotten real help for my grief over Dad yet, and now I see how Im doing the same thing with losing little Rox—eating myself into a coma and still not getting the help I really need. I know that at this point I dont consciously want to atuff my feelings down—-I WANT to think of Daddy and Rox and cry, really feel this emotional pain. But this other part of me, a part that seems almost like another person, takes over and somehow Im driving to the store totally on impulse, getting God knows what, then coming home and eating it. I hate this so much. I feel totally out of control, lonely as hell, and in incredible pain—every day and every night. Im actually afraid that one day my body will just give out and I wont even get the chance to get my health back or have a good life. Its hard too because I know I need a counselor and OA. But I haven’t made an effort to do either one yet. I have gotten OA books and have been reading them, which is good. But I haven’t reached out to anyone yet. I think maybe deep down Im afraid I wont be able to get better, and I know that I need to deal with the overeating first or else other health problems related to my stomach and huge weight loss wont be able to be healed. Im so tired of being alone with all of these problems I just feel overwhelmed. I want my life back, myself back, my weight back, my health back, my parents back, and my lil Roxie back. All of the losses and health problems have lead me into overeating and not taking care of myself at all. And I wish so much that I had people in my f2f life like you guys who could help me. I wish I were surrounded by people who were loving, patient, encouraging, respectful, and able to help me with things. I dont like to envy others, but its been so long since I’ve had these kind of relationships (if ever) that when I see or read about people who have good relationships with spouses, siblings, living parents, close friends, etc I just want to cry. When I look around here I see myself and my remaining pets. Thats it. Im alone when Im sick, at appointments, grieving, rushing pets to appointments, having the house and its issues to cope with——all of it. And I literally can’t take it anymore. In just the past two days I’ve had the heater go out, got a flat tire, and learned that my electrical system might need serious work. Im on a really tight budget and trying to get on SSI or SS Disability, so I definitely cant afford these kinds of things. 😔

    I dont know. I just had to get this out tonight. It helps tremendously to write in my journal and get thjngs out that way, but sometimes I need to let other people know whats going on in my life. I appreciate you guys listening.

    #Grief #ED #Pets #Bipolar #ADD #ChronicPain #ChronicFatigue

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    The Name’s Muck… Lord Muck

    Double post from me today because this photo from our dog walker was too funny not share! I think it’s the pug in him, but Lord Muck’s mantra is “if it’s a kind of water and I fits, I sits!” One time he did this, it was so thick I spent about 5 minutes just laughing at the state of him at the front door while the dog walker profusely apologised, all the while he just sat there looking very happy with his chonky boi self 😂

    Now it’s rainy season, we have to do near daily baths and the Duke is rather displeased and indignant about it all like “Jeeves… I worked very hard on rolling in that mud and fox / sheep poop so it would camouflage me. Now the other dogs are going to laugh at me tomorrow because of how stinky you’ve made me with this thing you call ‘shampoo’ except there’s not even any poo in it!”

    Us Jeeveses are fickle beasts like that 😆

    #Dogs #MightyPets #Laugh #funny #alwayslookouththelightsideoflife #TheLittleThings #DistractMe #Pets #ForTheLoveOfDogs #forthelols

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    Cat Dog Emotional Genius

    To have a pet and that pet feels your negative emotions and tries to absorb them all. But to have a stubborn cat or dog that pushes their negative emotions at you. Are animals really geniuses or is that a myth. Accepting that just like you have illnesses they do to. So who knows you may be a Genius.#Pets #Cats #Dogs #MentalHealth

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    Another Picture of my sweet love

    Hi everyone. I had posted about losing my sweet baby Roxie a few Days ago, and as I was looking at his pictures on my phone, I found this one and wanted to share it. He hadnt gotten old just yet, and looks so happy. This is my favorite picture of him.
    #Grief #Pets #Bipolar #ADD #ChronicPain #ChronicFatigue

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    the day suddenly turned into a funny beginning

    I came back from the city to spend the weekend at home.
    Today everyone has stuff to do, so I'm alone.
    Coming back from my alone life in the city to be alone again kinda felt a bit disappointing, for a while; at the beginning.

    I was rehearsing my to do list and checking my surrounding, ackowledging the presence of my pets, when I said to myself:
    "Ce, you have spent two years like this, alone at home. Don't you dare telling me you don't know how to engage in self-time".
    Eheh, it suddently has become funny.
    I may be laughing in tiny.

    I.am.alone!

    I'm preparing a 1l kettle of tea, I'm gonna take a shower (when I'll feel ready to, though), fix my hair, I'm gonna try and reply to my penpal's letter, study a bit, take a walk, maybe with my dog, try and take some autumn pictures again, listen to some music and sing along; I have two biscuits and a little bunch of chestnuts to eat and my cats. Plus, I could come up with many more activities, so, yep, I'm finding it funny that for a moment I have been feeling sad at the idea of spending the majority of this day alone.
    Now I can't wait to do all of these stuff while being alone.
    [I'm so used to be alone that this is obviously the reason why I was feeling sad. But between this and stating that I don't know what to do alone there's a huge gap; I wasn't paying attention ^^]

    I'm gonna enjoy myself and any thing I'll have around.

    yAy

    :)

    #alone #Loneliness #Metime #ME #Pets #Hobby #Selfcare #Alonetime

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    Another Loss

    Hi everyone. I’m having THE worst time right now with grief. Ive been grieving for my Dad for awhile and will for a long time, but now on top of it I’ve lost my beautiful, precious dog Roxie. I feel like I’m going to die myself (not suicidal or anything but just worn out from the pain of it) because he’s been such a huge part of my world for his whole little life. I just cant get my mind around the idea that he’s really gone. He had diabetes for many years and had gone blind years ago, but did so great at adapting to it. Im still so proud of him for that. Unfortunately in this last year he started having problems with being up and down with his insulin (needing different amounts, being lethargic sometimes, etc) but he always bounced back and did great. For all of October he did really good, and had gotten old for sure (he was 13 and 1/2) but still scampered in the backyard when I let him out to go potty and drug his bed around with his teeth before chewing on it. He was just himself. Last Tuesday it was the same, acting normally, eating and drinking well, etc. And I was so happy because there had been no lethargy or anything so I thought it meant that he was stabilized again. But that night out of the blue he had a seizure. It was horrible to see but worse for him. He looked so scared it broke my heart. I took him to the er vet and they gave him anti seizure medicine, which helped, and I brought him home. He was very tired the next day but did eat, drink, and go potty. Then that night he had another one. I got him to the er again, and the poor love was foaming at the mouth. I realized this was going to continue, and though it killed me, I had him put to sleep.

    Now Im just sick to my stomach and in shock still because this was the last thing I expected. To think he was doing okay and then have this happen has just torn me apart. He was the great dog love of my life, and I keep looking for him to walk in here so I can scratch his back and cuddle with him. I just honestly don’t know how Im going to get through this. 😔
    #Grief #Pets #Bipolar #ADD #ChronicPain #Undiagnosed

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    Happy Furriday!

    Spare a thought for my two little fluffy overlords, who cannot escape the pupparazzi and have a Mighty Weekend all 🖤

    #MightyPets #Pets #Dogs #ForTheLoveOfDogs #TheMighty #MightyTogether #FamilyAndFriends #MightyWeekend #mightyfriends

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    Some people have dogs…

    I have a quasi Jedi Master who uses his force to fight zombies!

    They are apparently all around our house, most active at night—and this being October and all, darkness is spreading across the land, the midnight hour is close at hand... Zombies crawl in search of blood, to terrorise our galactic neighbourhood.

    Hence his need for many naps.

    Like Anakin Skywalker before him, The Duke is also in favour of embracing his Dark Side, especially when us Protocol Droids malfunction, and do not adequately anticipate or cater to his needs.

    But the moment he senses something lurking in the dark and the beast about to strike, he rushes to my side like “Halp me Mom-Kenobi, you’re my only hope!”

    Yappy Halloween 🎃

    #Dogs #Pets #MightyPets #MightyTogether #TheMighty #Fun #Halloween #MightyLaughs #Humor #humour #happyhalloween #ChronicIllness

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    Meet HRH The Duke of Bork

    I am his emotional support human 💛. He has a very tough life what with being stuck with us, his insubordinate servants, Jeeves 1 & 2. Here I am giving him some cuddles because he decided he desired dinner 2 hours before serving time.

    Being a pug bichon mix, it is an additional burden for him that we do not keep him in the style he desires… that of the lavish life as it was at Versailles!

    Marie Pugtoinette borks “let me eat foie gras cake” at us daily, yet we continue to disappoint.

    Feel free to boop ye royal snoot 👑

    #dog #ForTheLoveOfDogs #Pets #MightyPets #MightyMoment #humour #Humor #Laugh

    #ThisIsMe #ChronicFatigue #MightyTogether

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    Meet HRH The Duke of Bork

    I am his emotional support human 💛. He has a very tough life what with being stuck with us—his insubordinate servants, Jeeves 1 & 2. Here I am giving him some cuddles because he decided he desired dinner 2 hours before serving time.

    Being a pug bichon mix, it is an additional burden for him that we do not keep him in the style he desires… that of the lavish life as it was at Versailles!

    Marie Pugtoinette borks “let me eat foie gras cake” at us daily, yet we continue to disappoint.

    Feel free to boop ye royal snoot 👑

    #dog #ForTheLoveOfDogs #Emotionalsupport #Pets #MightyPets #MightyMoment #Humor #Laugh #ThisIsMe #ChronicFatigue #funny