imposter syndrome

Create a new post for topic
Join the Conversation on
imposter syndrome
2.2K people
0 stories
242 posts
About imposter syndrome Show topic details
Explore Our Newsletters
What's New in imposter syndrome
All
Stories
Posts
Videos
Latest
Trending
Post
See full photo

How Misaligned Feelings of Failure Can Hurt Self-Worth

Experiencing feelings of failure and underachievement can be frustrating and defeating, especially when you feel like you're capable of more, or you're doing what seems to be enough but are not feeling rewarded or appreciated for your efforts. When feeling like you're not good enough, or like you're failing at something -- a relationship, a job, etc. -- it can start to not only hurt your confidence, but can also hurt your sense of self-worth.

Feelings of underachievement, however, don’t always reflect reality. Even highly productive people may sometimes still see themselves as falling short, creating a disconnect between achieving and the perception of not doing (or being) enough. These persistent feelings of coming up short can make it difficult to experience success in relationships, work, or other aspects of life, and can actually lead to break ups, or self-fulfilling prophecies that can create the failure that you fear. For many, misaligned feelings of failure can lead to constantly looking for a better situation and repeatedly starting over, believing that the problem is external and not internal.

Perfectionism Can Cause Feelings of Failure and Underachievement

Perfectionism can be a double-edged sword. While it may help drive you to excel, it can also set unrealistic standards and expectations that actually set up disappointment and feeling like you're failing, even if you may doing enough in other people's eyes. You may constantly strive for an unattainable ideal, in the process overlooking your achievements along the way.

For many people, this can lead to a sense of imposter syndrome, and can make you feel defeated. You may start to doubt your abilities and feel undeserving of success, often feeling like you may not know what you're doing at work, or feeling like you're not enough in your relationship (which can create other relationship issues as well).

How Society Can Exacerbate Feelings of Underachievement

In today’s world, people are bombarded with images of others’ successes (or, at least the successes the others portray). This comparison culture can lead to feelings of inadequacy and failure, even when you’re succeeding in or your own life, making progress, doing enough, or being enough. Social media, in particular, often presents a curated version of reality, and for many people, comparing themselves to these images can make it easy to feel like they're falling behind or not achieving enough in their life.

A person's sense of achievement can also be significantly impacted by societal stereotypes and expectations based on gender, race, or socioeconomic status. This can create added pressure to conform or excel in specific areas, potentially overshadowing your own unique strengths and accomplishments.

Growing Up, Self-Worth, and Self-Esteem

There are a number of factors based on upbringing that can make people lean more towards perfectionism and feeling like they are constantly underachieving or failing. Issues with self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence can show up as part of family dynamics, difficulty socially, friction at home, being bullied at school, academic expectations, and so on.

When a child feels like they aren't good enough, or are struggling to make their mark at home with their parents, at school as a student, are struggling socially, or when things happen at home such as neglect, abuse, divorce, and more, it can be difficult to develop a strong sense of self-worth and self-esteem. For a number of deeper psychological and emotional reasons, when a person feels like they're falling short, or are not enough as a child, it often can lead as an adult to pushing harder to achieve in order to gain self-acceptance (and acceptance and approval from others). And, while you may actually be doing enough, it still can feel like you're really falling short or still failing because you may be carrying the emotional impact of your childhood with you.

Grass is Greener Syndrome

If you have read my other posts on Grass is Greener Syndrome (check my website if you're reading this elsewhere), you may have seen how perfectionism and feelings of not being enough can make it very hard to feel satisfied in life, in relationships, in work, or where you live (among other things). When you're not feeling like you are good enough and are constantly falling short with yourself, it can lead to feeling like things around you are also falling short of what you need. For many, this is a piece of the greater grass is greener cycle that can keep people in a loop of starting over and looking for the "better" scenario that's going to make them happy. However, when not addressing the deeper inadequacy leading to feelings of misaligned failure and falling short, this cycle of feeling like nothing is good enough can be hard to break.

Seeking Help and Moving Forward

If you notice a pattern within yourself that you're constantly seeming to come up short, or are at least often feel like you're not meeting expectations, or that others are disappointed in you, and so on, seeking therapy is a good place to start to work on this. If it turns out you are actually falling short, then it would be helpful to start to understand why this is happening and how to get you onto a better track. If you are actually struggling more with a sense of self-worth rather than actually falling short, then it would be good to understand this misalignment on the inside versus reality in the world so it doesn't lead to greater self-destructive tendencies.

#perfectionism #fearoffailure #grassisgreenersyndrome

Most common user reactions 3 reactions
Post

Imposter Syndrome

Hey everyone! I wanted to check in and see if anyone else struggles with imposter syndrome, especially as a parent. Sometimes, I feel like I'm not doing enough or that I'm not good enough in this role. If you can relate, I’d love to hear your thoughts or experiences. It can be really debilitating and create a lot of negative feelings. I know deep down that I'm capable, but when I make a mistake in parenting, it feels like a validation of my doubts. ❤️‍🩹 #ImposterSyndrome #mother

Post

Imposter Syndrome

Hey everyone! I wanted to check in and see if anyone else struggles with imposter syndrome, especially as a parent. Sometimes, I feel like I'm not doing enough or that I'm not good enough in this role. If you can relate, I’d love to hear your thoughts or experiences. It can be really debilitating and create a lot of negative feelings. I know deep down that I'm capable, but when I make a mistake in parenting, it feels like a validation of my doubts. ❤️‍🩹

Post

Working while depressed

I'm on my third job and once again my depression and imposter syndrome are disrupting my life and my routine. Sometimes I feel like I won't be able to hold down a job for more than a year because my symptoms always get worse eventually. I feel desperate and I feel like I'm letting everyone around me down. I don't know what else to do to feel better. #Depression #ImposterSyndrome

Most common user reactionsMost common user reactionsMost common user reactions 71 reactions 18 comments
Post

Hello. Was recently diagnosed with ADHD in Feb of this year at the age of 22, and started meds aswell. It was a big relief as well as a disappointment because I know I would have excelled at school and finished film school(which btw I’m really passionate about). Please let me know if these are the things everyone goes through too:

.) You are able to finish tasks, but overload yourself with them because you think meds are a magic potion, and you have to finish as many tasks as possible. And get frustrated when you aren’t able to do everything all at once

.) Sometimes you think the meds are not working, even tho they worked they previous day

.) A big personality change. I was a huge introvert the whole time and people pleased a lot my whole life. Now I seem to be very confident and honestly could care less about relationships of any kind. As well as been noticing some kind of hyperactivity after the meds wear off for like a hour or two. And have more impulsive behaviours than I did before?? Like I blurt out anything that comes to my mind

.) Using coffee as a stimulant. Way too much of it because I think it helps me focus more

.) For some reason the doctor started me on depression meds aswell, even tho I told him the anxiety and depression was related to adhd the whole time, and wasn’t clinical. Has this happend to anyone else?

.) Imposter syndrome. When I’m doing good for awhile, I feel as tho I’m lying to myself and just need to push myself a little more. That it’s all in my head, even tho I have been to 2 different doctors and been diagnosed for the same

Please let me know your thoughts and insights. I’m very new to this. Thank you

Most common user reactionsMost common user reactions 6 reactions
Post

I'm new here!

Hi, my name is BohemianBluebird13. I'm here because I have chronic pain (and imposter syndrome) struggling to keep it together today

#MightyTogether

Most common user reactions 2 reactions
Post

5 Things Not to Say to Someone with Bipolar Disorder

You need to calm down. I mean, does anyone really want to be told this? Probably not, but it’s even worse when you can’t control how excited, loud or energetic you are. When someone is manic or hypomanic, this is definitely not something to say to them. Mania and hypomania can cause the person to speak more loudly, speak over people, have tons of energy while getting very little sleep, make them hyper focused on a topic or project, or cause really severe irritability. None of these things are controllable, and odds are, if they could “calm down” they would, they don’t need to be told.

Just snap out of it. This could be something said to someone during a manic episode, but I think it’s more likely to happen during a depressive episode. Depression is very poorly understood by a lot of people. They tend to think if you try hard enough to be happy, or do x, y, or z you can go back to being your normal self. That’s just not the way it works. Depression isn’t a choice, and it’s not something that just affects someone’s mood. It can cause physical weakness, problems maintaining proper hygiene, hypersomnia (sleep too much), grogginess, poor judgment, and a whole list of other symptoms. It’s not as simple as just, “snapping out of it.” Just don’t say it to anyone suffering from depression; it only adds to the guilt and hurt they are feeling.

I’ve never seen you depressed or manic, so I don’t think you’re bipolar. Leave the diagnosing up to the medical professionals. Just because someone thinks they haven’t seen someone with bipolar either manic or depressed, doesn’t mean they haven’t. People with any mental illness can get very good at masking their symptoms. Seeming perfectly okay to others while absolutely falling apart on the inside. Statements like this also feed into imposter syndrome which a lot of people with bipolar disorder suffer from. Imposter syndrome can take on different forms, but in bipolar disorder it usually means that someone feels as though they aren’t actually sick, or don’t actually have bipolar disorder. This is the main reason a lot of people with bipolar disorder will stop taking their medications at some point in their life. When they’re well or manic, it’s easy to think everything is good, that they were just faking their illness, and they’re not actually bipolar at all. Statements like this make it even harder to push those thoughts to the back of their minds.

Try harder. This kind of goes hand in hand with, “just snap out of it,” but it is different. This directly implies that depression or mania are within the person’s control; that’s just not true. Yes, there are things people with bipolar can do to reduce their symptoms, but nothing is going to cause someone to come out of a depressive or manic state aside from medications or time. Others may argue with me on that, but that’s been my experience.

Your life isn’t bad, you shouldn’t be depressed. This statement says to the sufferer that their depression is based off of life events; that’s not the case. Depression is cause by a chemical imbalance in the brain. There can be a catalyst that starts a depressive episode, but someone could have the best life ever and still become depressed. Depression is out of everyone’s control. No one can just smile more, or think happy thoughts and cure depression.

Most common user reactionsMost common user reactions 10 reactions 2 comments
Post

Open Letter

“Are you okay?”

How do I explain to you that the answer to that question has never been “Yes?”

I don't know what okay means. I have spent my whole life, as much of it as I can remember, trying to convince myself that I was okay, that the screaming hole of emptiness, of alienation, in my head was my imagination, that I was ungrateful for all I had, all I'd been afforded the opportunity to achieve and experience, if I thought of myself as anything other than “okay.”

But I'm, as My Chemical Romance say, not okay.

And all those times that I seemed okay to you, all those times that I appeared to be able to manage things and life seemed to be going well? I was not okay then. I had guilted and shamed myself so much for struggling so much that I shoved it aside, I carried it in my heart and my head, and I put on a mask of what I thought “okay” was meant to look like. But I was not okay. I was teetering. I have been for as long as I remember.

How to describe it?

I've called it Imposter Syndrome about my existence. I've called it a black hole in my soul that sucks everything in. I've called it BPD, ADHD, PTSD...I've called it Tom. This is just how I have always been. I have never felt good enough, despite repeatedly being told, and shown, that I was. I have never felt loved, or part of a group, despite the wonderful and vast array of friends and family I have been accepted into over the years. I have always felt like a letdown to the people around me, like I have not lived up to the potential that everyone else sees in me. I have always felt like a burden to be around, like I am included because it would just be too much trouble and drama to finally tell me that I'm not really wanted.

Even with my family. Sometimes especially with them.

I am not okay. What I've just written barely contains the daily torture of my mind. I don't believe the language exists for me to properly describe what it's like. It's good that it doesn't. It would be too much.

That was about as honest as I have ever been about anything.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ADHD #PTSD #Depression

Most common user reactionsMost common user reactions 13 reactions 3 comments
Post
See full photo

New Episode Alert! Am I Actually Neurodivergent? 🤔

There’s a joke somewhere about four neurodivergent people walking into a recording booth and attempting to focus on the topic at hand. In this episode, Ashley (hi 👋) is joined by @camararollin, @jwertman, and @skyeg as they dive into the wide spectrum of neurodiversity, imposter syndrome in relation to identifying as neurodivergent, and how neurodivergence can often be misunderstood by the people who are meant to be the most helpful in supporting those individuals — namely doctors and educators. Additionally, find out how stacking diagnoses can feel like Pokémon evolutions (and of course, stick around to hear our favorite ones!).

Grab your headphones, your favorite beverage, and subscribe to Table Talk With The Mighty to hear more topics like this every Wednesday!

bit.ly/tabletalk_10-04-23

#Podcasts #neurodivergent #Neurodiversity #MentalHealth #ADHD #Autism #SensoryProcessingDisorder #chronicmigraine #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #BipolarDisorder

Most common user reactionsMost common user reactions 7 reactions