Recently I've been feeling some rage. I have realised that many, many people have not had to fight for their safety like I have. I have had to fight for my safety in pretty much every area of my life - at home, family, work, the bedroom, friends. I've faced abuse and discrimination, mostly because of my sexuality and disability. This has had a huge impact on my sense of safety and optimism that strangers will be nice, which has an impact on the decisions I make in life generally. I'm irrationally angry that I've had these experiences and other people get to not live with PTSD type of fear. Other people can't relate and don't care. I have had to put SO MUCH work in to learning self love and therapy and all that, a HUGE amount of my time and energy has gone into that, and the abusers and bigots don't do any of that. Think what I could have done with that time and energy if I didn't have to spend it healing my wounds.
My rage also feels like passion and love - I know the anger is showing me what's important. I don't know what to do with it yet. I would like to know if anyone else feels the same way as I do.