lostgrandparents

I see faces
I hear names
But they Lie
They all spy

My photos of life
All under the knife
Fading away quick
All I know is a life of pain

All these threads unravelling
Each by each life rolls away
Red ball of life like my mind
A ball I cannot rewind

The old hat on the hook I know faint
The old man in the grave gone by taint
The old house out in the countryside
All my life is here and what I know

My five gracious giggling girls all grown up
I meet grandchildren but forget the next day
Their pictures in frames I just wish I know names
They dance like my mind in grass acres playing games

Can they see
They are free
They do know
My mind blank

Slowly decaying
My life slips away
I keep hold on tight
More vanish each night
Don’t know those of my own blood
My mind a scary great flood
Don’t know the town which I live
All these strangers around me

In the mirror I see emptiness
They beg me to remember my name
I know nothing of no one or life
I should be gone then cause this much strife

The wailing of a sweet grandchild in my arms
I look out to the land of beautiful farms
No time left to see a sight better than life
A life full of joy and pain faded away

Grief tears rolling down faces as speeches are spoken
A beautiful box with red petals
Whilst waltzing Matilda plays
She’s lowered down
And covered

This is a poem I wrote about my nana Dot who passed from dementia and Alzheimers 3 years ago. She was often confused and thought everybody was lying to her. At her funeral waltzing Matilda was played as it was her favourite song when she remembered. three years later this is my way of grieving finally. Enjoy #Dementia #AlzheimersDisease #Grandparents #lostgrandparents #Love #Pain #MemoryLoss #Memory #countryside #outback #gone #Death #Funeral #FamilyAndFriends #Family #confused #conspircy

In my family suicide is more deadly than a heart attack. #lostgrandparents #orphanedfather
I’m the ‘lucky one’ to inherit this gene of bi-polar, anxiety, depression, etc. I always wondered why I only had 1 set of grandparents and was always told I wasn’t old enough to understand. I was 16 when one day I was in the car with my dad, did he tell me what happened to them. His mother was ‘manic’ as they called it back then. Up and down was all he remembers of her. After several attempts he didn’t understand at the age of 8. She finally pulled an electrical fan into the bath tub and electrocuted herself. Devistated by her loss a year later his father hung himself and my father found him.
My dad has overcome a lot and today he considers suicide a form of desperately trying to control your ill mind.
I’ve been in the hospital/mental wellness center twice, once by doctors orders and once because I knew I needed more growth, self compassion, tools and a retreat. My Dad had been by my side every step even more so than my husband. I’m a very lucky girl.
Furthermore AFTER CARE! So much is missing from the full equation for what happens next. It’s not always HIPPA hang ups which do suck but being turned out, back into the environment, lack of support there after.
I will honestly say my second hospital stay could have been prevented had I had proper aftercare.
#aftercare