I had written a long post on here about feeling awful. Cold sweating, mild derealization, cloud headed, depressed, achey. I didn't think that my lack of sleep was the problem. I still don't, exactly. But let me explain.
I have a habit of assuming that my bipolar II depression symptoms are just my baseline, but that is only sometimes true. When things really bother me, there is a difference and I need to get better about recognizing that.
I couldn't sleep last night and didn't know why. But I realized a minute ago that my lack of sleep came after a day of intense anxiety and ptsd symptoms.. and even after that, I had become depressed about the fact that my dad's birthday was tomorrow, and he's dead, and he never loved me...and all the feelings that went with that had spiraled into a whole self-hating, lonely thing.
Even when I stopped conciously thinking about it, I think my subconscious held on to it because I definitely had bad dreams in my half sleep. Bad dreams about not being wanted, or conversely about being wanted in a sexual manner, which for awhile was the only thing I felt I was good for.
So my lack of sleep was started by the depression, etc.
I think that I carried over into today. I feel physically and mentally awful. But that's what lack of sleep and heavy bad mental health symptoms and taking your meds late because of them does.
I don't know the mechanics of it, but at least now I know there's probably a reason.
#MentalHealth #PTSD #selfesteemissues #Bipolar2Disorder #Depression #Mysteryillness #mentalhealthisphysical
#Insomnia #CPTSD #Multiplediagnoses