cps

What a Mess! #cleaninginpain
No I don't have ocd. And if I did at least someone would "get me". I tried cleaning a file cabinet in a desperate attempt to find my child's birth certificate; I was careful and am on oxycontin 30mgs daily slow release and had on my tens system. Within 30
minutes my neck had more than enough and within 45 I could not move. The bag of recyclable unneccesary papers was over flowing and I found unused holiday cards. No birth certificate and flat out in bed with fast acting morphine and muscle relaxants. That was my accomplishment for two days. Other than using the embarrassing portable toilet and looking at my mobil/cell telephone in bed my spouse had to wait on me while working full-time from home during quarantine. This is not new. This is everyday quarantine or not. My spouse works fulltime, handles all household chores, pays the bills, comforts me, cooks, does errands, handles my meds and he does not complain. I feel guilty and miss our hikes in the forest, surprising my family with their favorite meal, I miss organizing and cleaning. I must be crazy. Who misses cleaning? I can not accept that my sheets need changing and the family pets need grooming. I can't accept that my best day is a walk with my rollater or walking sticks around our house two times. I hate my disease I hate, hate,hate it. A good day is rare and I remember them in detail because of their rare occurrance. I want to play in the dirt abd swim in the lake and yes,I want to vaccuum my own living room.
Andee in SWEDEN

Would you rather listen to Broadway Show Tunes or Heavy Metal? Alice in Chains or Celine Dion? Barbara Streisand or the best from "Cats"? Beyonce or Bach?
#DistractMe

I do not remember what it felt like to have no pain. That life seems like someone else's. I want people to remember me for my good spirit. I am aiming to generate inner strength and accept my fate. I want to be seen as determined and strong by my friends and family. I am tired of feeling defeated. Each day I will contribute something to make this world a better place. That is my goal.

It is a beautiful, sunny fall day; I am plagued with guilt from lying in bed. I woke, took meds, have on clothes and make-up for no one to see.
#keepgoing #