Nojustice

So I'm in the process of being interviewed about ritualistic abuse I lived through as a child (I'll try to avoid going into detail of actual abuse and just stick to talking about my situation now)

Basically due to covid (an other reasons) the interviews were put on hold..
the second I wasn't being interviewed more and More memories started coming back again, then I found out they are angling the case Just towards my biological father and Not the ring of powerful child killers he 'worked' with, this leaves me very afraid for my long term safety.

Well now my brain undug at least two other perpetrators I was trafficked to.
it's like the police saying they are just going after him meant my brain had to release memories of everyone else that it Knows need to be held accountable for the things they have done!!

My biggest concern with them saying that (,well there are Many!) Is that the information that I gave them that they Don't want to ask me any questions about.. is the bit that includes all the murder crime scenes I was at or taken to at..
It's the bit that includes all the rich and powerful people, but it's also the bits where my bio father and others killed children!

I'm worried he will end up with just a slap on the wrist and his name on the a register.. when he and at least 15 other 'men' should be going down as mass murderers!!

How can they call this justice?
How can they try and make this Just a historical family abuse case?
How can the system hide such horrors?
How am I meant to battle this All alone?
How can the police put my life in danger and protect serial killers?
What is actually wrong with the world!?!

#Barelycoping #childhoodabusesurvivor #Nojustice #MeToo #Childhoodtrauma #helpme #NeedSupport #warriorsurvivor #WritingThroughIt #emotionalflashback #somaticflashbacks #scared #tired #stillfighting #twistedworld

Today is my dad’s birthday.
He’d be 68 if he were still alive.
I don’t feel an ounce of sadness today.
Rather I am a ball of pensive energy.

He was a witness for the defense, sworn to testify against me at the trial against my abuser.
Estranged from me most of my life, once I left.
Never accepting of any responsibility to his part of my destroyed childhood.

Dead when I was 25, nothing resolved.
No closure. No justice.
Just resentment and anger. Rage like.

Last night I dreamt of words, not images.
I dreamt of illness and struggle.
Of chaos and confusion.
Last night P T S D screamed in my head.

He doesn’t deserve this hold over me.
Yet he has it because he is my father.
A man I loved with all my being, terrified me as a child.

The damage he has done is extreme.
The wounds near impossible to heal.
I often long for days when his birthday was just a date on a calendar.
No emotions, barely an acknowledgement.

Just sweet dissociation.

#PTSD #ChildhoodSexualAbuse #Trauma #Poetry #poems #Acceptance #MentalHealth #Noclosure #Nojustice