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Incompetent Med Manager. HELP!!! #Panicking #scared #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #Fear #Medication #help #MentalHealth

I have an appointment with a scary med manager ive seen once...i dont know how to handle this...
I live with medication resistant depression, bi-polar 2, anxiety and PTSD. Over 30 years I have gone through about 20 medications as well as ECT and Ketamine. Nothing has worked. I am educated on the brain and drugs...because I have to be.

This is long, please keep reading!!!

I have to rely on 4 medications, including Klonopin, a benzodiazapine. It is not just for anxiety, it is for bi-polar.
I have tried 2 new med providers. In 4 months. The first one tried to kill me by prescibing tramadol when i am on an MAOI. I made the first mistake EVER, dang it, taking double klonopin based on her orders instead of looking at bottle. 8 days. I was dealing with Pharmacy and therapist and her lackey. Stupid, but for my system, felt nothing! I called immediately and thought, no big deal, been on this for 10 years!!! She refused to refill AND did not explain it wasn't forever, she would have done next month. But no one called me back after 4 frantic phonecalls!phonecards!!
I went through withdrawal and my therapist said ER. (I have no idea why she didn't help call Dr again). ER=drug addict.

I asked for a provider at my hospital and just took next appointment. He's an RN with Psych training(no offense but...) by end of first visit with clear explanation by me, he fully agrees to 1 mg 3xday, my normal dose. Lol, I make him repeat it 3 times!
Sooo . By now no Klonopin for 2 months and my manic is so bad I almost take my life!
He gave me 10 days of 1m tid. I assumed a mistake. He didn't refill on time so another 3 days without. Finally get it... .5 mg tid!!!.I am calling daily saying he made a mistake. Took a full week to find out he's titration me off. That @%$,- KNEW he was going to do this at our visit and LIED to me.
I've tried his supervisor, no response, spoken to another Supervisor who tried to reach her, nope. Made complaint to public relations, another message to MIA Supervisor.

HELP!!! I have an appointment with him tomorrow and DO NOT want HIM alone! Maybe someone watching would keep him from lying?
My son will be with me and I will record conversation.

Sob! I'm terrified that he has control of MY medications and can do whatever he wants! This benzo fear is out of control!!! My last Psych and the 2 before all said " you will HAVE to be on this, don't go off, it is part of a regime that is keeping me alive.
Also, if a Dr has 2 or 3 clients out of 75 on benzo, the government doesn't care. It's when 25% of your clients are on them becomes a problem.

I don't know how to behave tomorrow. Luckily for him its telemonitored. Do I grovel, cry, or give him the look that makes children hide and men cry? No matter what, I'm a druggie in their eyes. Why, how, I hate living here.

If I lose Klonopin again...I won't survive.


1 comment

#help #Panicking #patience

Why won’t it go away. I feel so hopeless. I’m so tired. I need patience that I don’t have.


please help me #Panicking

I feel like i’m not getting enough breath and i’m panicking

1 comment

being the mum friend to deal with anxiety.

i’m settling into uni. the girls in my flat are bloody amazing, and as soon as i opened up to them about what i was going through they really rallied around me. however i’ve noticed a few bouts of aggression i’ve been feeling - has anyone else had this? i don’t know if it was the need to harm myself or release built up adrenaline but i bang my head against my desk as a way of dealing with it.
back to my point - i am 100% the mum friend of my group. i am called mum a lot, get a lot of questions sent my way and generally just look after people. but i do this to help process my brain. i think i do this to gain affirmation from people - if i help them, then there’s more chance of them liking me, which reduces the chance of them leaving. it allows a distraction, but what i need to know is does anyone else do this? i’ve been doing it for years. hope you’re all well❤️ idk, i just guess i’m not coping as much as i’d like. #Depression #Anxiety #University #Panicking #SocialAnxietyDisorder #Paranoia


Worried about taking time off work #Anxiety #Depression #Work #Panicking

So back in may I took two weeks off and got a sick note for my depression. Then the day before I was due to go back my grandad died (whom I was very close with). I tried to go back to work the next day but could only get through a few hours before bursting into tears and colleagues telling me to go home (which I did and took the Wednesday off too). Then went back into work on the Thursday and was fine being back at work. (I worked Tuesday-Saturday as I work in a hairdressers) that week is been asked to work Monday and have Tuesday as my day off and went back on Wednesday (every Wednesday I go to college as in training to be a hairdresser so 4 days in salon and 1 day at college) but then I took Thursday as my day off and worked Friday-Saturday. This week I took Tuesday off for my grandad’s funeral and today was supposed to be in college but I claimed that my grandad’s funeral took more out of me than I expected. Although that’s true when I woke up today I just couldn’t get out of bed and just wanted to go back to sleep, to be fair I only had 4 and a half hours yesterday because I was too depressed/anxious to go to sleep on Monday night and I did get 9 hours sleep last night but I think my depression just got to me this morning. I know I need to stop taking time off and I’m going to try and be in for the entire week next week I’m just really really anxious about all this time off I’ve had recently and even my fiancé telling me I need to stop having time off “even though it’s for good reasons most workplaces won’t see it like that”. My mum works at a hospital as a training nursing assistant and she’s probably had more time off than me these past few months dog similar issues (it was her dad that died 3 weeks ago) and she suffers from schizo-affective disorder so she’s been quite suicidal recently and had sick notes off for that as stress often makes her worse and her workplace has been really understanding and my bosses haven’t really said anything and have been supportive but I’m worried they’re going to get tired of all these sick days has they have fired someone a while ago for taking so much time off (she’s also come back to work there now and continued her training at our salon but takes a lot of days off for her illness). Like I said I’m just really anxious that I’m going to get fired for taking so much time off as my fiancé’s made me worry more about it. I know he means well but sometimes when he says things like that he doesn’t realise how much that can panic me, he didn’t say I couldn’t be fired but it seemed like that’s what he was implying (he had said sorry recently for it but still has me worrying)