PDA

It’s a specific kind of hell to live with Pathological Demand Avoidance, when you want to be productive.

When you have PDA, anything your brain sees as a demand triggers a survival mechanism, you go for fight, flight or freeze mode. The brain wants you to avoid that demand at any costs, and demands can be as simple as getting out of bed, switching tasks or even doing something you absolutely love… yet as soon as it becomes a demand, it gives a major anxiety attack, it feels like you can’t breathe properly, you freeze and it interrupts the entire flow of your day. For me, even if going to sleep feels like a demand, I get anxiety from trying to sleep, and take more time to fall asleep.

I’ve stopped studying things I really enjoy because my parents kept pushing on their topics and made me see them as a demand. I never watch or read recommendations from people if they keep asking me. And nothing of that is being difficult, spoiled or a brat.

It’s a kind of feeling that people whom don’t have PDA usually can’t understand. It gives a kind of sense of dread to push through, and it makes the daily life be really hard and often unproductive.

As I’m trying to build better and healthier habits, I know part of that means pushing through something until it becomes a habit, so it becomes automatic, and that’s really hard as tasks become demands. I often try using self care apps that remember me of what I have to do, in a non aggressive way, that allows me to not freeze, but I’d argue PDA is very debilitating.

And when I consider my case… having multiple disabilities and comorbidities related to the disabilities, make everything harder! Despite the hashtags I added, it’s not only AuDHD; I’m also legally blind and physically disabled. I don’t require a wheelchair, even if it would be very acommodating sometimes, but I live in a lot of chronic pain absolutely everywhere in my body, and have very loose ligaments, so it’s easy to get hurt, and my interoception is messed up, and that makes me not know I’m hurt sometimes. So not only do I have to adapt demands to something that doesn’t trigger my brain, but also I need days when my pain isn’t so bad.

Yesterday was a great day in the pain sense, it was still present but mild, so I got to organise a lot around my house. It felt so good, and helped me on not getting so tired. But that doesn’t last long, I woke up in a lot of pain today, so if I had to do physical tasks today, it would be an immense amount of suffering… and why would that be related to living with PDA, you might ask. But that has a lot to do with PDA, as bad pain days make it that my body and brain trigger survival mechanisms even more often, and it’s even harder to basically function.

I wanted to talk about it since it’s on my mind at the moment, and also to put it out there, because I’m sure many people with PDA might be judged as spoiled or bratty for not acting and completing tasks. Know that you are seen, even if that’s only a stranger on the internet, you’re not spoiled, you’re not a brat, you just need that the habits and tasks you have, don’t become demands, so you can keep doing them naturally.

PDA Workbook for Kids:

www.amazon.com/Pathological-Demand-Avoidance-Workbook-Strate...

#PathologicalDemandAvoidanceSyndrome #PDA #Autism

#Autism #ADD #PDA #HEDS #Anxiety #Skin Picking disorder #Isolation #parental shame
#chronic Illness

I am so worried about my 5 year old daughter. She will be 6 in November, and is on the autism pathway waiting for assessment. Potentially she has PDA, ADD and a genetic disorder I have called hEDS. She has only recently gone full time at school but they still won’t let her finish at the same time as her peers and I have to pick her up early from the office. Her school friends often overtake her home though, as she walks slow. Often her friends go to the park together or have arranged play dates. They are almost always in pairs. Other parents barely talk to me, let alone arrange play dates. I know my daughter has been feeling increasingly isolated.
Yesterday I picked up my daughter from school and she was already feeling very sensitive, she was crying and fed up. She was passed by several friends talking about their play dates they had arranged. She wanted to go to the park, I also had my 3.5 year old son in a pushchair (he potentially has ADHD and also wanted to go to the park) but it was 30 degrees and I worried it was too hot, and she had already started crying and getting upset. (Of course other parents didn’t care about this). All of this resulted in a full on breakdown of epic proportions. She was so upset and so overwhelmed she struggled with her breath, she couldn’t stop panic crying. Other parents overtook us on the way home and said nothing, didn’t ask if she was ok. My daughter is well-loved at school even though she is very quirky and I find this behaviour from other parents so isolating. I honestly feel so alone sometimes.

We got home and the continuous crying continued for about an hour. She wouldn’t let me touch her. She then proceeded to bite her fingers until they bled. She has been biting her fingers for about 10 months now, since she started reception year. She now has lumps on her fingers caused by scar tissue and infections. I am taking her to the nurse today, thinking she will get diagnosed with skin picking disorder (we are UK). Not sure how much they will do to help her as they continue trying to blame my parenting. I have done 6 parenting courses. Parenting SEND children is honestly so difficult, so thankless and no one helps you.

I am wondering what is going on at school and why she leaves so sensitive. I wonder if it is a build up of trying to fit in over the day and masking. I worry she is being bullied by a couple of kids also (she tells me she was pushed at one point and called a baby by one boy). Also I think the isolation she feels from leaving at different times and being unable to make those connections is finally getting to her. It upsets me so much to see her like this. I have chronic illness (hEDS, fibromyalgia and a blood clotting disorder). Last week I was in hospital with a ruptured ovarian cyst, today I have the migraine from hell (I get bad pain, nausea, aura, blurred vision and unusual smells) and I feel like I can barely walk. Hubby is at work, I have no family near to help. I have to get my daughter into school with my 3 year old in tow. She doesn’t really want to go. Her attendance is already very poor (less than 60%). We are awaiting an EHCP assessment.

I just feel so alone with it all. I am struggling with my own health, my children’s extra needs. How do I calm my daughter’s anxiety? How do I make my GP give us extra help? I have considered taking her out of school and homeschooling her but I feel I am not well enough or capable of that. I am worried about her biting her fingers and causing herself serious infection as her fingers look so scarred and awful and her hygiene is not good (she impulsively touches herself down below and always plays in dirt) and I am forever trying to get her to wash her hands and nails.
My anxiety is through the roof. Just looking for support really also as in very short supply from other parent/carers from her school.

If #PDA is negatively impacting your child's education, consider switching to computer-based learning. For my child, removing the human teacher from the equation completely circumvented his demand avoidance. And there's never been a better time to try it. You can read more about our experience in my article on Medium: medium.com/@PodnarWriting/why-computer-based-learning-could-... #Autism #PathologicalDemandAvoidanceSyndrome

I have #n .E.A.D,#Fibromyalgia #chronic PAIN,P.T.S.D,#BackPain , I'M A MUM TO A #Autistic #PDA #SPD BOY.

Life is a daily struggle flooded with #Fatigue #Pain and constant #battles I'm so #Drained #mentally #exhausted and no #fight left in me, how am i meant to get through another #Challenging #year 😪😪😪😪😪😪😪