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Trying to Live

I am trying to live with a mind that's constantly high or low; with no in betweens! Sometimes it's hard to face myself. Sometimes it's just hard to live, period.

I wake up to fight the same demons that I fought yesterday; it's a daily struggle! I'm just trying to live in this world but I must admit that these suicidal thoughts paralize me sometimes.

I know that on a physical level I'm alive but on an emotional level I feel dead inside like I am ready to collapse because I'm drowning in my sorrow and pain. . . .

Being diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is very hard to accept because people judge you and try to make you feel like you're not normal; in reality normal doesn't exist anyway.

Having BPD and dealing with such intense emotions and struggling to even know who you are sometimes can make one feel hopeless honestly speaking but as a suicide attempt survivor I am not going to give up this fight!

Yes; trying to live with BPD is extremely difficult but I know I am not alone. I know I survived for a bigger purpose than myself. I know that I am more than my diagnosis. My identity is not defined by my mental illness.

I am trying to live, to do better, to survive, to have hope, to love again, to dream again, to fight, to be strong, and be brave in this life.

Because as long as I am breathing, there is life in me and that means there is purpose in me and I will never give up on that and neither should you.

We can fight this. We're in this together!

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Trying #Suicide #SuicideAwareness #SuicidePrevention #Life #SuicidalThoughts #youmatter #fight #notalone #keepfighting #NeverGiveUp #Pain #sorrow #despair #Depression #BPD

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Guide to being a SURVIVOR!

#ChildhoodAbuse #abandonment #Rape #terror #Depression ….

When I was a small child, my father #Abandoned me without a goodbye. Mother had #Manic depression, and we were left poverty stricken. My clothes were holey, #filthy and #Hunger was a constant.
I lived in #terror being 6 yrs old, alone and subjected to constant #Abuse by strangers in my house.
I knew I had 2 choices #fight or #Die if I was going to win the ring of #Horror that had become my life. I chose to fight, to do what I needed to do, just to buy a pair of shoes. I had none. To cut a long story short, I want whoever is reading this to know that no matter how horrible, #Terrifying your life is right now? Take back your #courage , and #fight for what you want.
I’ve done more than #survive severe #Childhood trauma, I’m a #MentalIllness survivor too. I’ve excelled on my own, through my determination to get out of the hell hole I was in: like: meeting and hugging Nelson Mandela. Raising money for victims of crime, importing and exporting art and furniture, travelling to most of the countries in the world, making friends and connections on my own. owning my many businesses, and selling them for profit. Studying and being qualified in the science of the addicted, mentally Ill brain. Qualifying as a mental illness and addiction counsellor, raising 3 kids who’re well balanced and happy .
I’m now a YouTube influencer, my channel focuses on mental illnesses. Now, I’m teaming with MIND uk, to raise money for the mentally ill people who can’t work.

You are a survivor, you’re a magical, strong, brave, fabulous person.
Go for whatever you want, because you can. You can, no matter what ‘they’ did or said.
Do it! Your life is yours. Please take it back.
I’m with you.

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Which emoji best represents your trauma response?

Everyone responds to trauma differently. That’s why I’m interested in knowing more about how you typically respond to triggers or trauma using the emojis below.

Fight: 🥊

Flight: 🛩

Freeze: 🧊

Fawn: 🦌

I’ll go first: I start off a 🧊 and then turn into a 🦌

You can learn more about the four trauma responses in this Mighty story:

#PTSD #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #Trauma #triggers #traumaresponses #fight #flight #freeze #fawn

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What are trauma responses?

We all respond to trauma in different ways. Most people are familiar with the fight, flight, and freeze responses. But some of us may experience a fourth response called fawn.

Check out Juliette’s story on the four trauma responses here:

Were you aware of all four trauma responses? Let us know what resonated with you in the comments below.

#PTSD #Trauma #fight #flight #freeze #fawn


Flossing my mind..

Read if you will.. or don't.
The struggle seems endless. Every day another #Battle .. I #Wakeup only to fight myself not to go back to #Sleep then I lay awake and #fight my way through the day. I live with my boyfriend, and every now and again he reminds me by saying things like he provides a roof over my kids' heads.
I had a home. I let it go for him.
I have a never-ending student loan debt, and Im unable to work because of the severety of my multiple illnesses.
I feel like I'm at a loss.
How do I get ahead if I can't seem to put one foot in front of the other?
I often want to leave but I have no where to go, and I was reminded of this the last time I stormed out at 3am in the cold northern weather.
I know there are far worst things going on in the world right now but I can't catch my breath. I want to provide stability for my kids but I barely have enough for myself.
It's hard. But I'm told to keep fighting and that it will be worth it.

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Who is somebody you look up to? Why do you look up to them?

Alanis Morissette. I look up to her because all she's ever done is fight. Fight for what she wants. Fights to have the ability to be her. SHE DOMINATED A MALE-DOMINATED INDUSTRY. And that is why I inspire to be like her. She never cared about what people were saying, she kept singing what she wanted.












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Daily Fight for Life

Recently I have had a another rough turn with mental health. Some days are better than others. And some days everything decides to tackle me. I have been burned out at work with so much to do. My adhd has been scarily the least of my problems. Been having extreme anxiety with lots of work to do, having severe pain, and just living. I have started having nightmares and flashbacks to when I was a child and abused. My mind is spinning trying to figure out what to do and what is going on. It has become nearly impossible to live my daily life at times. Been a fight to not self harm being angry at myself for putting myself in this situation. And possibly the hardest and most frustratingly weird thing is I determined a while back there is 99% percent I die by suicide it is just a matter of when. But yet I still feel this need to try and fight. I do not wish to die just end the pain and hurt.

#ADHD #Anxiety #Depression #Suicide #Abuse #fight #MentalHealth

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'Tis the beginning of the season

The season is changing. Things are becoming more overwhelming. Things are beginning to start to darken more & more with lack of sunlight. The leaves are changing colors. Even though it looks like a abstract rainbow 🌈, it is the beginning of my fight to function. My fight to stay motivated & awake.
I struggle with #SeasonalDepression in the fall to winter season, as if I'm a bear going into hibernation. The issue? I have 4 #sensitive #empath boys. Two #HighlySensitive compared to the other two. All in the home with me & my combat veteran husband. So, Things can already be a bit challenging with my high spirited crew... then, you sprinkle on #SeasonalDepression issues and it doesn't help anything at all, it makes even more challenges.
I get cold easily and I have growing lights in the most frequented areas of the house. It helps some, I guess. But, the kids are all about #outsidelife #nomattertheweather and always want me to follow them in the fun. When I was a little one... that was okay. I have never been to thrilled, though, of the cold weather, but would play. As I have gotten older, this #SeasonalDepression affect has taken a hold of me more, and more as sneaky as a mink in the night. I don't go anywhere, unless is is really needed. We try to live off our land, so... more & more... there is NO need to go out in the cold.
Somedays, I feel like all the energy is completely drained from me, as if #energyvampire just attacked and drained the life from me. Those days, I just want to sleep. The hardest thing to fight, when you have littles depending on you. So, you #makecoffeeinhopesithelps & push through all the fog and muddy bog of the day. Even if it turns out to be a pleasant day, you are left wondering why you can't seem to fully be filled with happiness you'RE supposed to be feeling in that moment. It surely is #NOTalackofloveoforcarringabout anyone involved in that happy/great day that occurred. It is almost as if one is being #robbedoftheenjoymentoccuring and I have #neverknownhowtofix this issue.
Before my husband, I was left #Feelingbroken #wonderingifIcouldeverbelovedforme #flawsandall . #IfIcouldeverbeunderstood instead of #ridiculedandcutdown or #castasideandlostinacrowd . I'm still #unsuremyhusbandunderstands as often he thinks I am a #unsolvablemystery , which is #goodandbad . Bad because I long for him to #acceptandunderstandasmybestiedoes (16 year bestie) & good, because it can keep things a bit exciting still after #9yearstogether ... as long as he is still up for it.
We are have been doing #Marriage365 . We are using a #lovenudgeapp .. or at least I am. It incorporates #the5lovelanguages which can be #helpfulunderstanding how someone else operates.
I try to go do photoshoots with my long time photographer friend who has her share of struggles too. We did a Witchy shoot last month that was dressing up, pretending & a fun 2 hour break. Sunday's a family friendly Halloween Massacre.
#IGY6 ; #someoneunderstands #fight 🔀


Here I go again.

here we go again
another episode.
screaming loudly because rage
look how stupid you look.
Your insane
Your crazy.
Your an idiot.
Stop screaming already.
Everything is your fault because of the way you are.
suddenly self harms.
see don't you feel better
Because you know your a big piece of shit.
Show the world your crazy.
Show the world your no good
Just leave already.
goes numb.
Rage subsides.
Depression and suicidal thoughts begin.
youll never do anything with your life, you know that
Your useless
Your worthless
Your going to end up alone anyways
Everyone will abandon you.
no they won't
oh yes they will.
They can't stand you.
They always talk about you
Nobody truly loves you.
yes they Do.
Tears streaming down.
listen to yourself. You have hope?
Fuck your hope.
I will destroy every ounce of hope you have.
why are you like this.
im your mental illness.
Ill never go away.
I'm here to ruin you.
Ruin your relationships.
Ruin your life
Take your life
i will fight till the end.
To wake up and know I'll be okay everyday.
With or without you.
I have to fight you everyday.
That's okay.
We all struggle with something.
You are not alone.
That horrible voice in your head…
Don't let it win.
You are worth it.
You are priceless
You are not alone.
You get one life,
Live it. Fight for it. Love it.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MentalHealth #episode #mentalhealthbattle #StayStrong #Love #fight

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You gotta do it for you❤

Ive never walked away from anyone, but i cant tolerate the way you treat me anymore. I need to do what's best for me. #Hope #fight #strengthwithin #BipolarDepression