Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome

Join the Conversation on
Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome
316 people
0 stories
26 posts
  • About Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome
  • Explore Our Newsletters
  • What's New in Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome
    See full photo

    Does anyone know who does AUTISM assessments for ADULTS in western NC, or east TN, or southwest VA?

    Hi. I am seriously interested in getting an assessment for ‘Autism,’ or ‘Autism Spectrum Disorder’ for Adults. I am over 60, and I don't need it to qualify for any kind of help or benefits at my age. I just need to know, so I can answer a thousand personal questions about myself. It's for my peace of mind, but it also has the advantage of being useful family medical information that I can pass along to my kids and grandkids.

    I have a ton of different diagnoses from as many doctors and therapists from over the course of my life. So many of these diagnoses have some of the same symptoms, and so many of the diagnoses seem to battle with others for ‘dominance’, that I don't know what to believe anymore. One doctor will say he's certain I have one thing, and five years later another will say he doesn't agree, and says it's something different. Meanwhile, both of them put me on medications for those things, and the second one is basically telling me I just wasted 5 years of prescriptions and therapy designed for the first thing. Not once, not twice, but many, many times I have gone through this.

    Because of all of that, I currently have a bushel of diagnoses that are supposedly correct and current, and a ton of prescriptions to go along with them. And I don't have the confidence that any of them are correct, like I so easily assumed when I was younger. Do you see my frustration?

    From my reading in the last few months, I have seen my traits (i.e. symptoms) and my thought patterns and thought processes turn up time and again under the detailed descriptions of Autism and Autism Spectrum Disorder. If that were found to be true, it would settle my mind, and it would give me something that I lost long ago, and assumed I would never see again: Hope. It would make such a difference if I could be able to focus on one true diagnosis instead of a jillion competing diagnoses. I could work on learning coping skills and workarounds for one thing. One.

    So, I need to find a doctor or a therapist who assesses for ‘Autism’ or ‘Autism Spectrum Disorder’ IN ADULTS  in the:
    1.               western half of NC, or
    2.               southwest area of VA, or
    3.               eastern part of TN.
    (A little outside of those areas could work, too, if they are good.) ***I have been told that “the MIGDAS-2 assessment” works better for those of us who have been masking for many years. What are your thoughts?

    I do appreciate you reading this far. I know that it was long. If you can help me find someone, please let me know. Thank you for your time.  I wish you Peace, and Joy, and excellent Health.  ♧

    #Autism #Depression #Anxiety #PathologicalDemandAvoidanceSyndrome
    #ReactiveAttachmentDisorder #SocialAnxiety
    #BipolarDepression #TreatmentresistantDepression #CombinedPresentationADHD #ADHD #AspergersSyndrome #AutisticAdults #Autistic
    #Hypervigilance #Hyperfocus #silent #EyeContact #Stimming #Suicide #PTSD #CPTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder
    #BodyFocusedRepetitiveBehaviors #BFRBAwarenessWeek #Parentification #Abuse #neglect #Insomnia #DermatiIlomania

    See full photo

    Nowhere to go from here

    My wife just blew up at me. We need to communicate better, she said. She has a habit of telling me what negative thoughts I am thinking and feeling, and then adding, "well am I wrong?" to it. This is years in the making. Essentially, it happens when she asks me a question or tells me about something, and my tone of voice sounds negative to her, or my face or body language looks negative.

    I have chronic pain as well as deep depression, so it is difficult for me to convincingly put on a happy face, or speak with joy in my voice. But I do try my best to speak in neutral tones at the very least, and I have thought that I have a resting face of a neutral mood or higher as much as possible.

    It has been building for a long time. I am struck out of the blue most times when she tells me what I am thinking, and how unfair that is, and paints me as the bad guy and her as the innocent one. In the early days, it would just shock me, and sometimes confuse me. In the last couple of years, it just makes me angry and defensive. We've had plenty of arguments about it, but no agreement. She doesn't see it as mind reading because she says "I 'feel like' you were disgusted by what I just said, and you shouldn't be", or "I 'feel' that you think I'm stupid just because I did X, or Y". She says since she uses the word "feel", she isn't mind reading, and so it's up to me to tell her if she's right or wrong. Well, I have been telling her she's wrong for over 40 years now, and that only makes her angry and defensive. I told her time and again that I get mad when people try to read my mind and put words into my mouth. I tell her to skip saying the part about what she is so sure that I am thinking, and just ASK ME what I am thinking, instead. Ninety percent of the time, I am not only NOT thinking what she thinks I am, but I am thinking about some other subject altogether. Then when she accuses me of thinking some negative thing, it hits me out of the blue, and I register it as an insult. I asked her why she can't just ASK me what I am thinking, or ask me how I am feeling. I would welcome both of those if they were honest questions. I would feel like I was cared about. That makes perfect sense to me, but she doesn't see it that way. She says that she's just being honest, and that she IS asking me how I feel, or what I am thinking, when she tells me what she feels like I am thinking. We can't get past that. So she got louder and more accusatory, and then angrily walked out.

    I don't know what to do. I am battling Major Depressive Disorder, CPTSD, Anxiety, ADHD and severe Chronic Pain. I am doing the very best that I can. I am on disability, and I fill my days and evenings reading books on my various diagnoses, learning as much as I can, so that I can better control, or adapt, or adjust to the reality of my life, and I do feel good about that. I have tried to share some of this with her, both verbally, and by sharing articles with her via email. She seems stand-offish about it, at best. When I ask her outright if she wants to learn more, she swears she does, but she has a life, therefore she just doesn't have the time or energy to read much about it. I told her a few minutes ago that I will stop burdening her with it, and will stop sending her articles and such. She rebuffed that idea, but added again that she just doesn't have the time. She said she is doing the best that she can in trying to deal with all my problems, and she doesn't have the energy or the will to do it any more. She's "had it."

    She came back and brought up another time recently that I was unreasonable, saying that she had told me something about her job, and I had reacted with sarcasm and disgust. I remember it well. It was just the opposite. She told me that her employer was giving $50 bonuses to anyone who got a Covid booster shot, and I responded "wow, that must be nice. Go ahead and do that." She and I both agree that that's all that I said. But she says I was being sarcastic, and spit the words out like venom, and I thought it was disgusting. I remember calmly saying those words, genuinely happy for her to get $50 just for getting a shot that we both were going to get anyway. The difference, more than likely, was the fact that during the time that she was unwinding after work and telling me bonus, as well as about the rest of her day, I was in a pit of depression, and I was in a ton of physical pain from my legs and my back. I know that had to have affected the tone of my voice, the look on my face, and my body language. But I don't talk about the pain, because it would sound whiney and redundant. I was just sitting there listening to her, and I thought I answered appropriately and honestly. Anyway, that night, after I had answered her, she responded by telling me what (she believed) I was thinking and feeling, and she wanted to know what my response was. My response was "that's not an argument I am willing to have right now." To me, I was angry that "it" was happening again, and I could argue about it like so many times before, or I could choose not to. I chose not to argue. To her, I had just insulted her, and said she isn't worth arguing with, and since I had not argued, then what she had thought about me must indeed be true.

    If (and when) she "reads my mind" again, and assigns various negative thoughts and feelings to me, we could bypass all of this trouble if she could just hold those 'mind-read thoughts' inside, and just ask me two simple questions, instead. First, "how are you feeling?" And second, "what are you tinking." I will gladly and honestly answer her. But I just can't take any more veritable accusations for thinking and feeling certain ways, and then be expected to explain or defend myself, meanwhile letting it roll off me like water off of a duck's back. It's not an argument I'm having anymore.

    Thanks for listening.

    #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #CPTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Anxiety #ADHD #Autism #BodyFocusedRepetitiveBehaviors #PathologicalDemandAvoidanceSyndrome #AutismSpectrumDisorders #TreatmentresistantDepression #TRD #ASD #anhedonia #ChronicDepression #ChronicPain #SpinalStenosis #GAD #Sadness #CombinedPresentationADHD #SmilingDepression #SocialAnxietyDisorder #Disability #MentalHealth #Insomnia #DiabetesType2 #Diabetes #Asthma #Hypertension #Hypervigilance #nerveandjointpain #HearingLoss #Grief #generationaltrauma #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #TraumaRecovery #Trauma #ChildhoodTraumaSurvivors #MedicalTrauma #IntergenerationalTrauma #Trauma #SexualTrauma #traumasurvivor #Survivor #EmotionalAbuse #ChiildhoodSexualAbuse #ChildhoodEmotionalAbuse #PsychologicalAbuse #PTSD #AdverseChildhoodExperiences #ChildhoodAbuse #ReactiveAttachmentDisorder #RAD #attachment #Childhoodneglect #attachmentdisorder #ChildAbuseandNeglect #FearOfAbandonment #abandonment #Suicide #SuicideLossSurvivors #SuicidalThoughts #SuicidalIdeation #PassiveSuicidalIdeation #suicidal #Depression #MajorDepression


    Eating Weird things

    My stepdaughter is diagnosed high functioning autistic (also ADHD and ODD). We've had an ongoing issue lately where she is eating the cat food. We leave the dry stuff out, in a certain portion that the vet has said is ok for the cat for the whole day. But my stepdaughter is eating it regularly. As in the whole bowl. We know it's her because the cat will eat some and make it last all day. She always leaves some. A couple months back, it started suddenly being all gone at weird times during the day. So we set up a camera on the cat bowl. On a hunch cuz we've caught my stepdaughter doing it before and now we have multiple videos of her stealing the cat's food. What do we do to stop this? Punishments don't work. Reward for good behavior doesn't work. She literally does whatever she wants and acts like we we are the ones who are the problem because we have the audacity to say anything about it. #Autism #OppositionalDefiantDisorder #PathologicalDemandAvoidanceSyndrome #Caregiving


    Working independently

    My stepdaughter, she's gonna be 12 next week, has been in ABA for about a year now. We have seen vast improvements in many of the areas we had concerns. Lying, stealing, massive refusals of even the smallest demands.

    The problem is this: because of all the one on one she has been getting, she seems to have lost much of her ability to work independently at home (things like cleaning her room and such). It's been in the past couple weeks that I've noticed it, but with nearly every task we give her to do at home, she refuses to do it (not like a tantrum or anything like she used to,but she just waits until we leave the room and goes back to whatever she was doing before, basically just ignores us) unless we stand there and point out each individual item or step. And that is just not realistic in our situation. I'd assume they've noticed that at her therapy place as well and that's part of why they're moving her to a more independent work environment. She used to do things on her own, though sometimes after much screaming and crying about having to do it.

    I'm hoping some of the changes they've made to her program will help this, but what is some advice for us at home to help her work more independently? #Autism #OppositionalDefiantDisorder #PathologicalDemandAvoidanceSyndrome #ADHDInGirls #ADHD


    Stealing again...

    I've posted before about my stepdaughter's stealing issue. She's 11,gonna be 12 next month. The short of it is she steals stuff even of she doesn't intend to use it for anything. Food, items off a shelf, whatever she seems fit to take at a given moment. We've talked with her therapist about it and they had the problem occurring where she gets her therapy as well. But that has largely stopped there. And we had made a ton of progress at home too. It used to be every day and literally time she was left alone, even if we'd just step away for a moment to use the restroom. Things were better, though. We went from every single moment being on watch for that to it happened maybe once in the span of a month. We've gone full reverse in the past couple weeks. Just every day worse and worse and worse until this weekend, we literally couldn't leave her alone for two seconds and she was getting into things. She wasted all the taco shells (she took them and just tore them into pieces and played with them). Wasted my coffee creamer. Stole all kinds of pieces out of various board games and just squirreled them away under the couch. She rode with her mom to do some deliveries (her mom does flex delivery for Amazon from time to time) and even though her mom got her a happy meal from McDonald's before they left, while her mom was delivering a package, she drank her entire hot chocolate. The list goes on and on. Even when she was doing better, she still just doesn't seem to understand the idea of something belonging to someone else. It's almost like she just sees everything as her's if she decides she wants it. #Autism #OppositionalDefiantDisorder #PathologicalDemandAvoidanceSyndrome


    Some positives in a really bad few weeks

    The past few weeks have been absolutely terrible. My wife lost her job cuz the lady in charge of fmla filings at her work refused to file it at my wife's request so they pointed her out. She's been calling lawyers to find some legal advice and no one in our area so far takes those kinds of cases or is taking on any new clients. So we're scrambling to reorient our budget to make sure we don't lose our home.

    But some good things have been happening. Today my wife gets the results of testing she's been getting to figure out why her anxiety is going through the roof and is so up and down like it is. Hopefully there's something to it that she can find treatment for.

    And my stepdaughter, who is on the autism spectrum, is in ABA. And she is responding well to it overall. I took over the biweekly meetings with the leader of her therapy team from my wife so she'd have less things on her plate. And I met with her this week, and we have started bringing strategies home to help manage her negative behaviors. And I was able to work out a compromise with regards to her school too. The therapist wanted us to pull her from school entirely and put her in ABA only. We aren't okay with doing that. Cuz she is passing every class for the first time ever. And in talking with her therapist, I was able to explain our reasoning and what we're doing and she came around to see what we're seeing and is helping us figure out the 504/IEP stuff.

    But I'm really dang exhausted and need some time to myself something fierce. 😭
    #Autism #PathologicalDemandAvoidanceSyndrome #OppositionalDefiantDisorder #MentalHealth #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder



    I'm just exhausted... My stepdaughter is ASD, ADHD, ODD (though her behavior seems to line up more with PDA, but here in the States that's not a thing). My wife is probably bipolar. And suffers from debilitating panic attacks. She's making an appointment with a place who can give her a proper diagnosis so she can get the treatment she needs. And I'm effing exhausted. Work has been rough the past couple weeks and I've not felt like I can talk about it cuz Liz, my wife, is dealing with her stuff. And my stepdaughter is 11 and there's a lot to unpack there if you've not read any of my previous posts about that and that's not helping matters. So I feel bad if I talk about some rude patient (I work at an eye Dr office) cuz my bad day is nothing in comparison. But I just feel like I can't do it anymore... Just in general...and I don't know what to do about that... #BipolarDepression #Autism #OppositionalDefiantDisorder #PathologicalDemandAvoidanceSyndrome #PanicAttacks #tired #Loneliness