Persistent Depressive Disorder

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My mood seems to be fluctuating a lot. #MajorDepressiveDisorder #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #TreatmentresistantDepression

My depression has gotten really bad over the last 2 years. The last month I have been in depths of the abyss of suicidal ideation, and then making plans for my future. I’m up, down, left and right. I have both major depressive disorder and persistent depressive disorder both are considered treatment resistant.

21 years of therapy, 19 antidepressants and ketamine have all failed to treat my depression. I don’t know what to do. I will not go back to the psych hospital. It was a waste of time and money. I got about 15 minutes of treatment. I need help. I don’t know who to ask. My psychiatrist doesn’t know. Therapist seem to have no idea. So who else is there?

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Doc does believe

my next visit he did a shot test and said yes u have ADHD but i want u to go thru 2 more test to prove it once and for all and he said then we can talk about stimulants. well i did those 2 test in 1 day 2hrs each then i get a call they want me to do 1 more test. i many somethin more than meets the eye. i am kinda scared of what else i have. i have Bipolar ADHD, OCD Cluster B personality disorders which are Borderline, Narcissistic (my fav) and Histrionic , Dysthymia (nka) Persistent Depressive Disorder. and under Borderline i can have a nasty temper. alot of people run from me. so i only tell bipolar thats why get my SSDI

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I’m new here!

Hi, my name is kansasmagic. I'm here because I have depression. I guess it’s hard to precisely diagnose depression, but what I have read about persistent depressive disorder (dysthymia), major depressive disorder, and existential depression all sounds familiar. I think I have PDD (rooted in my shy-introverted personality and tendency to ruminate), going back years or even decades, along with episodic MDD. Existential depression is along for the ride.

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression

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Negating self, its pain, its anguish…

Notwithstanding my severe lows over last few months and battling extreme loneliness, I still have to maintain my normality. This, so that I can have folks fraternise with me and I continue to have some human contact in a life so cruelly isolating.

My depression and grief is what my shrink has diagnosed as persistent depressive disorder or prolonged grief i have been battling over many years now. Of course to expect all or even a single soul to have the energy, patience to indulge any one with such continuous angst ( angst is how people see grief) is plain unrealistic.

But i discover that most in my circle of kins and friends (which itself is rather small) have not commiserated even a little but right away position their vibes & demeanor that expects me to have moved on, getting on with the world and straight away position their conversational pitch to matters more transactional. The zeitgeist of positivity and its heavy overhang, to display one’s coolness quotient and plain indifference I repeatedly experience in the little i try to strike conversations. No point in reminding one of their loss and therefore better to engage with other matters - so it is always. My grief, my loss, my struggle, my jinxes never gets validated or legitimate. And just so, attempt to engage with folks to battle my loneliness and despair I find the onus is more on me to indulge others, massaging their egos and talk about their jobs, family or some political issues, cinema or music they fancy.

Not just my grief, I just don’t appear anything other than an apparition and therefore my work, engagements and pursuits too are barely seen worthy of queries and interest. I experienced this twice in less than 24 hours.

Grief indeed is so lonely and dealing with it in such a instrumental world makes your pain and loss all the more agonising. #ComplicatedGrief #Grief #prolongedgrief #Loss #dysthemia #Guilt #Loneliness

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About Me

Hello everyone; I'm still kinda new to TheMighty and brand new to this Group, so I wanted to introduce myself and kinda explain what I'm doing here and what I hope to get out of this group.

My name is Ashlie. I'm from PA, USA. I turn 30 in 2 days. I'm divorced and have a boyfriend of 2ish years (we never really kept track of an anniversary date). I have an 8 year old daughter with my exhusband and 50/50 custody where she spends 2 weeks with me & my boyfriend and two weeks with her father at his mother's house. It's hard not having her for two weeks, but I'm also grateful for her relationship with her father and his family.

I work from home, overnight, as a supervisor at a call center, so it's a lot of metrics reports and presentations, employee development and evaluations, and answering questions if anyone needs help with their calls or tickets. Not super interesting, but entertaining enough; I like the data analysis side of it more than the employee evaluations, but I digress.

It's funny, when you start thinking of your hobbies, you start to realize that you're actually quite boring lol I like puzzles, normal jigsaw puzzles and also any sort of strategic puzzle games. I play a lot of single-player video games on my PC - a lot of the Fallout games, Satisfactory, Portal, Raft, Don't Starve, Cities: Skylines, stuff like that. Apocalyptical or city building type games. I like a lot of different tv shows; some things I frequently rewatch are Bojack Horseman, Doctor Who, Big Bang Theory, Smiling Friends, Family Guy, American Dad, Rick and Morty, House, Weeds, Archer, Always Sunny in Phila, Bobs Burgers, and honestly soo soo many more.

I am diagnosed with ADHD, Persistent depressive disorder (aka dysthymia), general anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and obsessive compulsive disorder. Undiagnosed, but I feel strongly that I also have Borderline Personality Disorder, but this is unconfirmed. I don't have a doctor that I actually talk to at the moment, just med checks. I take Vyvanse and Lexapro. My disorders are not currently under control with the current meds, but I'm having an impossibly hard time finding anyone to talk about it. Everywhere is completely booked. I use medical marijuana (it's only legal medically in my state) in addition to my meds to battle the symptoms.

I'd like a friend that has similar interests as me and understands my struggle with mental illness. I don't have any friends that share my interests. I have a lot of mentally ill friends, and we bond over that, but I found that I don't really otherwise have anything in common with them. I'd like a friend that likes what I like.

Wow, that was long, so I'm going to wrap this up! Thanks for reading if you got this far, hope to hear from you.

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Damn it!!

I checked my weight yesterday and discovered that all the weight I’d lost before the pandemic has returned, and 20lbs more. I am now at my heaviest - ever.

It took a long time, 2 eating disorder programs, and somebody being mad/disappointed at me to regain the weight. Add in Persistent Depressive Disorder, Spondylitis, and MS and I’m looking at a very long road to getting back to the pre-pandemic me.


Diagnosis Change

My diagnosis was recently changed from simply Major Depressive Disorder to Persistent Depressive Disorder. It's no wonder I'm on antidepressant 15 or 17. I lost count. I’ve been officially depressed for over 20 years. I always thought it would get better. Now I know for sure I will always have a black cloud above my head. Everything will always be a shade of gray. What do I hope for now? I don't want to be sad forever.


Late nights

So I finally started therapy during the pandemic and I was actually doing ok. Not great, but I was doing so much better than I had in a long time. This year was my senior year of high school so there were a lot of extra stressors in my life on top of just dealing with life in general but through therapy (especially EMDR therapy) I got through them. I was doing so well that my therapist told me that believed I no longer needed therapy. At the time I truly believed that too. But now I’m slipping back into depression and anxiety (I have persistent depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder). I am so exhausted all the time but when night comes I can’t asleep. I just lay in bed for hours upon hours not being able to sleep. Some nights my head is racing with thoughts, while other nights it’s just so quiet and lonely. I can’t do anything during the day because I’m so tired. But it makes me even more depressed because I keep missing more and more of my life. Even the days that I actually get myself to leave the house and do something, the night isn’t any different. It’s just exhausting being so exhausted.
#Depression #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #PersistentDepressiveDisorder

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