In June I discovered my wife was having an “emotional affair” with a former co-worker. This person worked in another state for the same company and they went from work related conversations to personal. They then become Facebook friends and began texting, and speaking outside of work. In the summer of 2017 my wife began a self improvement regime. She lost over 70 pounds, got her teeth whitened and straightened, she began tanning and buying new clothes. These things raised red flags, but I was admonished for being paranoid and untrusting. I was painted as the bad guy for my concerns. I tried to put it out of my mind, but other things kept coming up. She started drinking and going out with her friends. She became very protective of her phone, it was never out of her reach and she changed her password that she had had forever. I noticed this former co-worker “liking” only pictures of my wife on Facebook, never a like on family oriented pictures. Then in May of this year my wife got a surprise trip to Tampa Florida with her sister. I did some Facebook snooping and discovered this former co-worker now lived in the Tampa area and owned a coffee shop there. I asked her about it and again was lied to and made to feel like I was doing something wrong by even asking. Well less than a month later I saw my wife outside on her phone. She thought I was sleeping, so I snuck out and eavesdropped on the conversation. I heard things that crushed my soul, culminating with, “l love you”. I could hear the voice on the other end was male. I immediately confronted my wife who still tried to deny it. She finally admitted to the affair, but insisted it wasn’t physical, which really didn’t make it that much better. During that conversation I heard her talking about moving to where he lives. Well she begged forgiveness and seemed to really try to make things better. The problem is my previously mild depression and anxiety became more severe. I’m hyper vigilant and untrusting of everything. My depressions became so deep and dark, I really don’t know how I made it this far. Well four months later my wife is again spending a lot of time away. And my questions are not met with understanding due to what I went through, but again anger and denial. She says my distrust and “mopey” moods (how she refers to my depression), are going to drive her away, that my fear of what might happen, will in fact CAUSE my fears to come true. I don’t know if I will make it through my next descent into #Readytogiveup my darkness. I need help, but I don’t know how to access it 😢
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