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#EatingDisorders #BulimiaNervosa

I relapsed last Wednesday with my eating disorder. I’m struggling and not okay. Eating disorder recovery has been a lot harder this time. I have had a lot of emotions come up and crying just being one of them. Sometimes I just have to cry when everything is not okay. It may not get better overnight and recovery is not a straight line but I will get through this! #EatingDisorders #BulimiaNervosa #Depression #Anxiety #Crying #relaspe

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My therapist is too good at her job lol

I had a bit of a rough session on Monday and afterward I sent my theraapist a follow-up email explaining that there were some things I hadn't told her about and also that I don't really want to talk about them, I just wanted to explain that those things likely had an impack on why I reacted the way I did. But because I'm me I added at the end of my email "I really want to add that I'm fine, somehow I feel like you probably won't believe/agree with that. But like really I'm fine:) " AND THIS LADY responded with "I know you are "fine." AND it sounds like there are other feelings you have too that maybe we can talk through next session?"

Like ma'am, why is fine IN QUOTATION MARKS?! That's just rude 😂 Has my world completely changed in the last month? Yes. Am I overwhlemed and occassionally very passively suicidal? Yes. Have I had multiple selfharm relapses recently? Also yes. But those are all totally besides the point. It's fine. I'm fine. Everything is FINE. She doesn't seem convienced tho and I'm offended (said scarstically).

Like why do we have to go and bring emotions into the conversation? Those things can get stuffed into a box and shoved in a corner where they belong.

#Therapy #dbttherapist #DBT #Emotions #ImFine #SuicidalIdeation #Selfharm #relaspe #College #almostfinals #itsokaytonotbeokay #butnotmetho #Depression #Anxiety #ADHD

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It’s been a while

I drew/pained this today. It’s been a LONG time since I created anything with this dark a meaning. But it represents how I feel extremely well. I hate COVID-19. It’s ruining everything. My income, my education, my internship, any semblance of a routine I had, and my access to care for my multiple #ChronicIllness and #MentalHealth Right now my #Therapist hasn’t canceled face to face appointments, but I’m afraid they will. I’m scared to lose that accountability. I’m 3 years clean from #Selfharm but after some really hard events lately I’ve come really close to a #relaspe . My school, job, and internship were all large factors in how I have stayed selfharm free for so long and I’m really scared of the idea of barely leaving my house for 2 months. I understand why things are this way, but I’m scared about the backward step a LOT of people (myself included ) will take in mental health recovery due to being unable to participate in the things that kept them going.
I got a call from my pcp office today, telling me they are canceling my appointment for Wednesday that I scheduled 3 weeks ago. I was depending on that appointment because it was a follow up to my diagnosis of #ADHD and I REALLY needed to discuss medication options. But now that support has been taken away from me too. #CheckInWithMe #IAmNotOkay

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