Schizoaffective Disorder

#SchizoaffectiveDisorder You say it’s not real—

That it’s all in my head.

But you don’t know how deep

Those thoughts can spread.

It’s not just a worry,

Or something I fear—

It’s as if the danger

Is truly right here.

When I’m in an episode,

My mind doesn’t lie—

It shows me the trap,

The watcher, the spy.

You scratch your cheek—

To me, it’s a code.

A message, a signal,

A path being showed.

A car could explode.

A room might be tapped.

I’m not playing pretend.

My mind has me trapped.

You tell me, “Relax—

That’s not really true.”

But my brain screams louder

Than reason, or you.

The world starts to twist

In a way I can't fight.

Even shadows by day

Can feel deadly at night.

You might have a thought

And just let it go—

But mine plants a seed

And demands it to grow.

I can't just dismiss it

With logic or doubt—

Because when it takes over,

There’s no easy way out.

I don’t want attention.

I’m not making a scene.

I just want some peace

Inside my machine.

Please don’t tell me

To “just stay strong”—

I’ve been battling monsters

All my life long.

If you truly care,

Then listen, just hear—

That when I say I'm afraid,

It's not just a fear.

It’s a storm in my chest,

A war in my mind,

And the world goes quiet

But never kind.

I know what’s imagined,

I know what’s true—

But when I’m in it,

I can't sort the two.

There are days I seem fine—

And you might believe it.

But silence and smiles

Can both be deceiving.

I laugh when I can,

I try to belong,

But the feeling of “other”

Has lingered so long.

When help comes in phrases

That miss what I mean,

It adds to the noise

Inside my machine.

“Just go for a walk.”

“Have you tried being grateful?”

I nod, stay polite—

But the weight is still fatal.

What I need is connection,

Not fixing or cures—

Just someone to say,

“I’ve been there before.”

Your pain has a name.

Your fear has a shape.

And though it may twist,

You’re not some mistake.

So if you’re like me—

In the dark with your doubt—

Know this: you're not broken.

You’re finding your route.

And if you're outside it,

But wanting to see—

Just sit here beside me.

Be quiet with me.

Hi, my name is Sixcentz. I'm here because

#MightyTogether #SchizoaffectiveDisorder

Hi, my name is Shane37137. I'm here because

#MightyTogether #PTSD #SchizoaffectiveDisorder

Feeling like this depressive slump will never ease up!
I've tried distracting myself with all sorts of stuff. Reading, crochet, colouring in, drawing, household chores, meditation. But I can't seem to concentrate on these tasks. My mind is all over the place. I try to just observe my mind and what it's doing, but I get hooked on the thoughts.

My mind is not my master, I am the master of my mind.
Well that's what I keep telling myself anyway.

So I have schizoaffective disorder. It's not a fun disorder to have. I feel like a surfer riding the waves of it. Currently in a depressive funk. I tends to hear and see things that are not there mostly shadow people and the voices have only recently just stopped. I put that down to the medication I'm on. My current issue is that I kind of miss the voices, I'm so used to them being there. Now that they are gone I find the silence a little unnerving. And I'm paranoid that the voices are going to come back ten fold and punish me for taking medication.
Any advice or well wishes welcome.