schizoeffective

Hello,
I am new here, not sure where to start. I joined Mighty because I could relate to the stories and wondered if I will be able to build friendships and an online support.
#Bipolar #Depression #lonely #schizoeffective

As a hairstylist, I'm interacting with people on a daily basis; and all up in my clients personal space. I have schizoefftive disorder; among other chronic illnesses including a compromised immune system. And to top it off, the salon I work for is a franchised, corporate salon. I have always battled anxiety and depression, to the point that it takes a physical toll on my finger nails. Due to the stress of this pandemic, my nails are down to the quick/ nail bed. I had nearly completely broken my nail biting habit by first getting acrylic nails for nearly 3 years. Changed it to gel once I knew I was good in terms of the biting habit. My own mother has a compromised immune system (which I inherited from her along with Hypermobile Ehlers-danlos syndrome) and the thought that I could bring it home scares me to the core. Her system is much more fragile than mine. my fiance also works with the public as a car salesman. So, for me the possibility of bringing home COVID-19, is more than a possibility but a reality.
This has caused my panic and depression and pain to flare in such a way that I'm so snappy towards my mother and my fiance that I have to apologize immediately after the fact. And while my mother is a nurse and has described how coronavirus spreads, and she tries to mitigate my panic; unfortunately it doesn't. I'm panicking more about my mother's health, both because of work and due to the fact that both myself and my fiance are dealing with the public. I'm also panicking because there's no precedent for a closure of any salon or car dealership with pay to the staff. So, if my salon and the franchise behind it close, I'm worried about my financial situation. I'm all over the place. My fiance keeps trying to show me something and I'm too panicked to even acknowledge him. I feel like there's no hope. But if I follow that trail to it's end I know I will be worse off, hence this post.
I'm posting this thought more for my own personal sanity than for any other reason. I hate the fact that I am barely acknowledging my fiance, and when I do I lash out. I hate the fact that even with my mother's medical background, I am still in a state of panic. The only thing that keeps it at bay is honestly reading novels and watching stuff on Disney+ and Amazon video and Netflix. As well as, when I am going to sleep, instead of just falling asleep, I meditate myself to sleep. Thankfully my fiance plays meditation music now when we are going to bed.
If anyone who has major depression, anxiety or panic attacks who also may work in some form of a public sector, has any tips on dealing with the panic, please comment. Anything helps.
And thank you to The Mighty and to everyone on here who comments.
#MentalHealth #EhlersDanlos #schizoeffective #COVID -19

#diagnosedat17 manic depressive when I was involuntary inpatient at my house 1st of many psych wards 7 1/2 months I assumed bipolar was my diagnosis still. Recently I was told by my current treatment team of the last 10 years, that they have me diagnosed #schizoeffective disorder. I swore I wasn't gonna research it in the least because #mydiagnosisdoesntdefineme . Now in here the first story I read I can see my actions make that an accurate diagnosis. Delusions, hallucinations, not knowing what's real plus mix in major depression and anxiety and there you have it. Over 30 years of #meds #psychwards #dualdiagnosis (10 years removed from 20 year heroin addiction and right now Im not doing well. I have never been tyis actively averse like I am now to regularly taking my meds. Much much more to story. I don't want to get better and i guess and that comes from the fact that I need to care about myself before I care whether i get better & the truth.. i don't care enough for me to help me.
That's enough for now. It's late for me. Thanks for letting me ramble. #lowselfesteem #passivelysuicidal