Separation Anxiety

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A Part of My Condition That No One Talks About

Having cerebral palsy means a lot of things. For me, it means having trouble walking; unsteady balance; anxiety because of bullying, falling risks, potential treatment options, etc; and being misunderstood because I truly don’t “fit the mold”.

Cerebral palsy also includes having a higher risk for having disorders like scoliosis and central precocious puberty.
(According to my orthopedist, I have a very, very mild form of scoliosis.)

I also have had to deal with precocious puberty.

I was so young when my hormones “woke up” that I didn’t even realize it was different from how it was “supposed” to go. I was three years old, which is extremely young for that kind of stuff, especially because puberty happens for a girl when she is nine to thirteen.

Added to my list of doctors was a pediatric endocrinologist, who treats hormone-related issues of the endocrine system. Being a fairly private person, the examinations were hard to take—and being young, I had no idea why a stranger had to examine certain areas of the body.

I was told that I was “growing too fast” and had to go to the endocrinologist because of that. X-rays and shots were two of the treatments I underwent.

A third treatment was surgery. An FDA-approved drug implant called Histrelin implant (Supprelin LA) would be surgically inserted into my arm. The function of Supprelin is to stop the sex hormones.
I’d gone through surgery about four times before, but none that I really remembered. A hard part for me was being apart from my twin sister and waking up really early to go to the hospital, but the hardest part was having to go to the operating room without my parents.

My surgeon was (and is) incredibly nice, but I have separation anxiety. As I counted to ten, I remember a tear falling down my cheek. As I got a little older, I remember being afraid that I was going to die. The surgeries were never long, about thirty minutes to an hour, but I was scared.

When I was younger, kids were rowdy and the likelihood of them jolting or brushing my arm was extremely high. My arm was always sensitive after surgery, which caused me to isolate myself from the other kids to ensure I wasn’t hurt.

In the long term, my friendships didn’t suffer deliberately. I was different because of my CP and because I was experiencing so many changes that other kids hadn’t even heard of yet. I was always insecure about being so much taller than other kids, at least for a while, and the fact that my legs wouldn’t mold into “criss-cross applesauce” like my classmates’.

I considered my left side my “bad side” because my left arm is sensitive due to the implant surgeries and my left leg is tighter and weaker, often causing me to trip. My insecurity about my left side has not faded completely. I depend on my right side more because my right arm doesn’t hurt and my right leg is much more cooperative. Aside from the challenges in altering my mentality regarding my left side, going through surgery every year was both mentally and physically hard on me. I missed school for a day each school year, which led to make-up work, and my arm was sore for a while. I couldn’t get my left arm wet for a few days after surgery, which was challenging because I often use both hands to execute tasks.
Not to mention, it was hard to explain why I missed school because I didn’t understand the function of the implant.

Most teenagers haven’t had the experiences I’ve had, both with cerebral palsy and other things. Most teens my age haven’t gone through twelve surgeries. Some kids my age haven’t even had surgery.
My experiences differ from others because, for a while, I looked physically older. When my class was watching puberty videos, I had already experienced most things. I thought it was weird that other girls didn’t know some of the changes because I thought every girl went through puberty when she was three. In the end, it never really made a difference.

The summer I turned eleven, I had my last surgery to remove the Supprelin implant. I was nervous because I didn’t know how I would change.
Aside from getting one of the hugest bruises I’ve ever seen on my arm, I was fine. There’s really no evidence of what I went through unless you count my scar and its scar tissue.
My parents were told that I might not grow as tall because precocious puberty limits height in the long term, but right now I’m only an inch or two shorter than my sister. I’m having more physical therapy (this time on my arm) because it throbs randomly sometimes. I have quite the scar tissue buildup from six surgeries on the same arm, but I’m gaining more strength.

My experiences have made me so much stronger. The reason for writing this article was not to complain or to be pitied, but to talk about a possible aspect of CP that often gets overlooked. Precocious Puberty and other hormone disorders can happen as a result of cerebral palsy. I know it can be embarrassing, but I think we need to talk about it.
#CerebralPalsy

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Migraines, Life-Long (Suicidal) Depression, A Real Desire to be with my Lord and Saviour, More Debt than I can afford

Living with Life-Long Suicidal Depression since at least 4-years-old (mid 1970s); and Migraine Headaches that have been regular (at least 1 to 2 times a week [more weeks now are turning in to at least 2 days] since the mid 1990s) and many other health problems that are on and off weekly or monthly; Extra Debt that I was pressed in to; which can cause me to lose the house, SSDI so it is hard to earn extra money to get out of Debt; and with Life-Long Suicidal Depression, in addition to the Major Pains, I really have been desiring more to be able to go Home to be with my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

I would greatly appreciate any feed back.

#MentalHealth #Migraines #Depresion #SuicidalIdeation #Debt #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #BPD #Bipolar1 #BorderlinePersonalityDisorderBPD #BipolarDepression #BipolarIDisorder #BipolarDisorder #BipolarI #BipolarType1 #CheerMeOn #Bipolar1Disorder #BipolarDisorders #MigraineHeadaches #AutismSpectrumDisorder #AutismSpectrum #Autistic #SeparationAnxietyDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #IllnessAnxietyDisorder #SeparationAnxiety #AnxietyAttack #AdrenalInsufficiency #AnkylosingSpondylitis #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #DistractMe #Selfharm #PanicDisorder #PanicAttack #PanicAttacks #worry #highfunctioningautism #AttentionDeficitHyperactivityDisorder #DiabetesType2 #DiabetesII #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #IfYouFeelHopeless #suicidal

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Childhood Anxiety Disorder: A Guide for Parents

Part 1 of 2 As parents, our primary concern is to ensure the well-being and happiness of our children. However, when childhood anxiety comes into the picture, it can be a difficult and distressing experience for both the child and the parent. Childhood anxiety is more common than most, affecting millions of children worldwide. In this comprehensive guide, we will explore what childhood anxiety disorder is, its characteristics, how to recognize the symptoms, and most importantly, how parents can play an important role in helping their child navigate in this difficult time.

Understanding Childhood Anxiety Disorder

Childhood anxiety refers to psychological states in which a child experiences fear, anxiety, and panic attacks that limit their daily activities and enjoyment of childhood. It is important to recognize that anxiety is a normal part of life and acts as a catalyst protection of the device. However, when anxiety is severe and persistent, it can significantly affect a child’s emotional, social, and academic performance.

There are several common childhood anxiety disorders, e.g.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD): Children with GAD may worry excessively about a variety of everyday issues such as schoolwork, health, or safety. They often try to control anxiety and are too perfectionist.

Separation Anxiety: Children with separation anxiety experience intense fear and sadness when separated from their parents or primary caregivers. This fear can lead to severe distress and reluctance to attend school or participate in activities at a distance.

Social Anxiety: Children with social anxiety are very introverted in social situations and fear being embarrassed or unfairly judged by others. They may avoid socializing or experience physical symptoms such as shyness, sweating, and tremors.

Specific phobias: Specific phobias are intense fears and avoidance of specific objects, situations, or animals, such as high places, spiders, or darkness

Identifying childhood anxiety symptoms

Identifying the symptoms of childhood anxiety is important for early intervention and support. Keep in mind that every child is different and symptoms can vary. Some common symptoms of childhood anxiety include:

Excessive worry: Constant worry about everyday situations, even when there is no reason to worry.

Physical Symptoms: Abdominal pain, headache, muscle tension, or other physical symptoms without a medical explanation.

Sleep problems: Difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, or frequent nightmares.

Avoidance Behavior: Avoidance of anxiety-provoking situations or activities such as socializing, school, or extracurricular activities.

Perfectionism: He is troubled by his striving for perfection and his inability to meet high standards imposed on himself.

Anger: Unexplained anger or outbursts of anger, usually associated with overheard emotions.

Supporting Your Child with Anxiety

As a parent, you play an important role in helping to guide your child through his anxiety challenges. Here are some practical ways to help your child with anxiety.

Open Communication: Create a safe and open environment where your child feels comfortable expressing their feelings and concerns. Listen deeply to their feelings and amplify their emotions, reassuring them that it is okay to feel anxious sometimes.

Educate yourself: Learn about childhood anxiety to gain a deeper understanding of what your child is going through. This knowledge can help you respond with empathy and get the right help.

Be patient: Be patient and understand your child’s progress. Recovering from anxiety takes time, and there can be obstacles. Celebrate their small successes and encourage them to keep trying.

Avoid avoidance: While it’s important to respect your child’s boundaries, slowly encourage them to face their fears. Avoiding anxiety-provoking stimuli may provide short-term relief but can reinforce fear in the long run.

Teach coping strategies: Help your child develop coping strategies to deal with anxiety. Relaxation exercises, mindfulness techniques, and positive self-talk can be powerful tools for managing anxiety.

Set reasonable expectations: Avoid putting too much pressure on your child in class or in extracurricular activities. Set reasonable expectations and emphasize effort over perfection.

Seek Professional Help: If your child’s anxiety is critically affecting his or her everyday lifestyles and functioning, recollect looking for expert help from a certified intellectual fitness expert. Treatments which include cognitive behavioral remedy (CBT) may be very powerful in treating youth tension disorder.

Taking care of yourself

Suppor

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Renewed Energy

Made a Positive Mantra Prayer while walking home in threatening rain, and voila no rain or hail til I got home, groceries for sandwiches abound, even to use the cream cheese on bagels, even with bacon on them, and of course to make home made hummus with pita, however my house is sleeping, but it's nice to have them home, watching Green Witch and Cottage Fairy again, in honour of this week, and got a timy wreath to clear the energy, and flowers to greet the door, spent 16 bucks on garlands and a chocolate bar n bubbles to cheer up a too much sleeping girl, who can say when a good dollar is spent, then take-out at the bus stop which bus I didn't take, drinking tea from hosting elderly earlier, hmmm was that today, indeed, walking by the water, and Tim's and homemade delicious Asparagus soup, and then separation anxiety and longing for cottage country, and a lot of tired naps during the rice pudding making due to meds, and hippy clothes, and a coat of many tears, rather colours, duly noted on shopping trip, and drove one centimetre, while parking, and froze on walk, and watched hail, and now warm Irish rain, he was always cold but that land of gold seemed to hold him like a spell, and he'd often say in his homeward way that he'd rather live in hell, hmmm, when ya've got cheese ya make hang sandwiches, note to self, crouch down, crawl out of said invaded place, and finish yer drink, ooops, and that was Monday, Green Garland is Peace Spell, so RIP, I think I'm almost dead, this has been a productive day with 4 Seasons, the end

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Third time's a charm (?) – my break(s) up rant story

I ended thing with my (ex) partner for the third time now. The first break up was definitely me. My first committed relationship after 6 years triggered everything i had in my IPR issues plate (fear of abandonment/commitment, self doubts - people pleasing, second guessing my feelings and descisions etc etc) and i took a forced break to clear my head. Ended up breaking up with him then realising/regretting what happened the next day. Boo hoo that's on me!

The second breakup was after a month (or more) of emotional abuse on their part, to the extent where i felt trapped, was always walking around eggshells around my partner - they would flip any second, i would go over and beyond to squeeze out their affection. I stopped sharing even the tiniest of details of the relationship to my friends and family as my partner did not like that, saying they liked their "privacy". That ended with a break down and me almost jumping off their moving car to get away to escape the hurt (i couldn't be in their car for a while, it was physically traumatic), and them hating my friends for influencing me for the break up. They came back, apologies and all, saying - I feel so lost and alone without you, I will change. I wasn't sure at that time who was at fault. Maybe we both were.
We got back together this January after a month. Yay!

They did change but only for the duration when my boundaries were strong. When i started feeling more comfortable and safe, i put the boundaries away they started to distance themselves. Again comes the abuse wah hah hah! It was more soft and silent, different and more passive. Every time i asked for my needs to be met, or point out the things that hurt me, their response would come off as - but i did this and that for you? One time, i was out shopping, they asked for a present as a "gesture" after a long discussion of me sharing and making them understand my needs and expectations. The anxiety of buying someone a present, started seeing black spots yeesh..... I requested a gift too, that i specifically told them i needed as a 'grounding object' to feel their presence for the time they're away; this just makes me laugh now. This happened during our another break to take a pause from the romantic intimacy part of the relationship. Then i get a text at 1am - no i love you's, no i miss you's, no talking, come down right now. I was with my friends, we called people over for drinks. I cried after hugging them. Hah this is the most funny part, they said these exact words - Your emotions are valid and I hear you. This is the exact copy paste of my words from the last argument, where i said I don't feel heard yada yada. And i still did not feel heard, i did not feel comfortable, my body was stiff the entire night. The next day, i get asked if my friends influenced me for not staying over at their place. It felt more like a taunt, i just brushed it and explained why i can't do stay overs. A little slip at their part confirmed they hadn't changed, grown or gotten over my past mistakes. For 3 weeks i thought they were out of city, when they were right here, 15 mins away, lying their ass off when I'd ask - hey how's the weather up in the mountains? And contact me because they missed me?! Need for physical affection much?! I texted them that i need to know when you come back? The response was - Why? (and) But i surprised you – by coming to pick me up in the middle of the freaking night, telling me not to share how i feel seeing you after almost a month??!! I had to hold back tears, i couldn't tell the person i missed so damn much that i miss them? That i love them? And even after a huge argument about everything that happened, no apologies?

I was gaslighted, blamed, lied to, disrespected, made to sit around like a wilting house plant to be watered juuust enough so it doesn't die the entire on and off relationship. And yet....i still question my decision. I miss the idea of the person they were, the happy moments. I have noticed specific memories being triggered when people say anything minutely related to them that won't even be related to them?? I'm still not sure if it's my body screaming DANGER! Or my slow stupid brain thinking LOVE. I accidentally called him last night...... Well deleting his number did nothing... because i remember it.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #EmotionalAbuse #Depression #Relationships #SeparationAnxiety

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Moving on from a self sabotaged relationship

Has anyone ever had a great connection with a genuine person but let their own insecurities and trauma get the best of you, and now they’re gone and you can’t reach out? How can you move on?
#checkin #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Depression #SeparationAnxiety #selfsabotage #OnlineDating #Relationships
#tired #CPTSD #self -sabotage #Dating #Love #stuck

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Relationship Anxiety

I am diagnosed with GAD amongst other things. I’m in my first healthy relationship (we are long distance) and for some reason I’m having a lot of anxiety. When we are together all my worries fade away but when we are apart I question our compatibility, my feelings, our love. He is also one of my only friends so I am having some separation anxiety because we are apart. Rationally I know this is a healthy relationship and I love him but I can’t stop attaching myself to the feelings of anxiety. I’ve tried to search up how to deal with this relationship/separation anxiety but I haven’t found much. Does anyone else struggle with this, if so what did you do?

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Separation Anxiety

I am dealing with separation anxiety with my kiddo. He is attached to my hip. I have to leave for work extra early and sit in the parking lot and wait because of I don't leave before he wakes up, it is traumatic. I have to stay with him until he falls asleep and then sneak out of his room. That wouldn't be a big deal if we didn't have sleep issues, because I end up awake with him most of the night. Any tips on how to handle separation anxiety? This is one exhausted mama right here. The hubby tries to help, but my kiddo just won't take it. It has to be mama. Feeling frustrated and tired

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Triggered

today I was full blown panic, separation anxiety and having a borderline moment. on my way to my grandma's house, my grandma missed her turn to follow me back to her house and i waited she never came back to find me, so I kept going, my mind kept screaming at me " my dog, "my dog" on repeat to the point I've become obessed and no one not even me can get me off of repeat. Anger raged, extreme sadness flooded me. all I could think of is I can never be separate my dog ever again and she's dead. half way their calm came over me until my grandma's truck wasn't their, panic, crying and screaming while walking back and forth on the street. I couldn't calm myself and in that moment, I wished I had my new medicine to calm my system because it kept screaming at me. I wanted to call my honorary mom like I use to because my mind kept telling me and I kept repeating over and over again out loud " I'm scared " I'm scared. I'm scared but also I felt extremely alone. I wanted to call my therapist like I use too. I wanted to call my mom, but it would of resulted in more pain, more aloneness. The book I'm reading talks about how trauma rewires our brains, I can see how it's true. my brain always reacts to percieved abandoment and now I can easily get triggered and I use to get rarely triggered. while I was watching a movie, I got triggered by a dog dying, I needed to walk outside in the dark until I could calm down. trauma and depression changed me so much. i use to watch movies or shows that have emotion to them because i liked sad movies, you've learned so much from them but now i can't watch much with emotion in it. I watch mindless shows. I was able to kayak for the first time by myself but I think its because I cried out every emotion of my dog and the event today that I actually enjoyed it. my book says trauma breeds more trauma I believe that the evidence is in my life. so many people walked away from me or ghosted me. I don't blame them the borderline personality monster within eventually over takes who I am underneath, my mind is fractured and broken. They've called me manipulative, all the while I was loving them deeply but the monster within me comes out and the real me is silenced, you can't hear her, her screams for help, you can't see her try to push the monster down and let her real self out. she's buried underneath the trauma, the monster. someone once told me love is never enough, that's my strongest point. but the monster shadow's it, blocks the light out, doesn't let all the good parts of me shine. so I hide within the shadow begging and crying to get back everything I love so deeply, but thanks to the monster the victims remain beautiful. one thing I know for certain everything I've ever overcome, pain always remians, I can have genuine happiness and wonderful thing's happening to me but the pain is always their under the surface following me through life. it's like the pain is my closest friend, it's always their for me, it tucks me in to bed, it follows me through the streets. it tells me how much it loves me, when I forget that it is even there. I find losing relationships to be the most traumatic experience, over death. I choose to be thankful for life, because I can love more people with my whole heart, selfless to the best of mine ability even if more walk away. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #mentaillness #Depression