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Why did I stop my meds?

I guess I’m seeking support with taking my medications. Specifically my Vraylar for my #Bipolar1Disorder . You see, I stopped really taking all my meds around late October. For the first time prior to that, I was actually #stable and I fell for the lie that I was doing SO GOOD, that I didn’t need any of my medications. 😩 So here we are, after being unemployed since October, and becoming more and more depressed, letting my life just fall apart and not taking my medications.

I’m looking for some ways that work for YOU to help get yourself back on track. So far I have a 7 day pill box pre-filled for the week, alarms set on my phone and husbands for a Meds Taken Check In every day at 9am.

Anyone else have any suggestions?

FWIW: I also struggle with #Anxiety #ADHD #PanicAttacks

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Stronger #stable #risingabove #thephoenix #Healthy #Madness

I’ve struggled is a statement we have all used or heard someone use at some time. I didn’t know I was struggling until my kids were in elementary school. Sounds funny but it’s because I was so quick at learning ways to cover up and mask my emotions even at young age. I had an imaginary friend with me starting at age 4 for protection. She made my world were struggling was not a thing. When I was 14 I spent 18 months in a youth drug and alcohol treatment facility. Honesty was not my policy. I graduated from high school. I had my first daughter at 19, second at 23. I was using drugs and alcohol by this time to lesson the struggle. I didn’t identify the struggle. I truly thought this was the world and how things were. I didn’t identify with sadness or joy. I just was getting high or drunk making sure the girls and the house were running, but they weren’t. I had no clue what was happening with me or the world. When I was 28. I met people who had something that I didn’t have. I noticed joy and happiness. I became profoundly aware that my behavior and emotions did not match those of others. I became concerned and others expressed their concerns. I turned to my medical providers who diagnosed me with bipolar. I was horrified. I remember the first time leaving the pharmacy with the bag of medication. I was entering my 30’s with a mental illness, for sure a death sentence. For years I battled myself, not excepting the diagnosis. I was noncompliant with medication, suicidal, hospitalized, and went through ECT treatments for years. I went through therapists and therapies. I disliked all that they said and wanted me to do. I disliked myself. However, during this time I was able to graduate college, sum cum laude, maintain a teaching job, keep a marriage, raise my girls, and be a part in several capacities of an international motorcycle club. What changed me to end the struggle? I read this quote “ Strength is what we gain is the madness we survive.” and I turned 50, I realized I no longer wanted to be waking up not equipped to deal with what I would wake up to. I needed to have an adequate tool box and build on it, practice using those tools to face what bipolar will through at me. So, I did. I also, created a positive foundation of safe friends and family and to this day I still build on it. Continuing to do maintenance so it is strong in the face of storms. I developed a medication routine that assures I take the right medication at the right time. I see my doctor, always as prescribed. I keep a journal that if I write anything I write 3 things I’m thankful for. All of this and so much more I keep and analyze for its effectiveness.l strong and far more stable then I ever have. Even if an episode creeps up I’m prepared because I’ve practiced for the moment. I might not be successful at shortening or ending the episodes but I am able to call for help, adjust medications, practice self care and many other things. I’ve got strength!!!


#newbie #traumasurvivor #fawn ?

Today I am new to the group !! Hello I’m a 44 yr old Melissa … adopted / long story !!!
So ready to share my stories definitely have many to share have had many in and out of experiences I’m very lucky!! I think it’s awesome I found this site so I could start telling my stories of my anIcs and my and my ups and downs and my ups and throughout life and then I am this point in life where I’m absolutely bored on this #Medication that has me total #emotionlessness ##stable #nofeelings what do I do???


Has anyone with #CPTSD given up #Alcohol ? I feel like that would be the only way for me to manage my symptoms and live a more #stable life.


For now---penned by penelope

For now, i am happy
Stable infact
For now, i am happy
Hoping to never go back
Back to the days where the dark takes it's toll
Where It swallows and swallows and eats it all whole
Those days where i cry and i stress and i fear
Those days where i long to be anywhere but here.
But for now i am happy
Stable infact
For now i am happy
hoping to never go back
Back to the days where the light is too bright
Where i lie and i laugh while sleep eludes me each night
Where I'm risky and dangerous and fun some might say
But i cant find myself and lose track of all of my days
But for now i am happy
Stable infact
But for now i am happy
Hoping to never go back

When stability comes, with my grasp i hold tight
To those feelings im feeling where i am finally right.

#MightyPoets #Bipolar #BipolarDisorder #stable #MentalHealth