storytime

This draw was made for a dear friend of mine that requested a portrait of us.

STORY TIME:
Long time ago, in a small town in Italy, lived a young girl named Ivon. She was a very peculiar child. She was touched by the darkness at birth but she was in possession of a golden heart that protected her. The bringer of light. A precious artefact.
Since she was a child she was hunted down by shadows and sorrow but never talked about it with anyone because she knew that they wouldn't understand. She always felt alone and out of place. Her mind became lost and darker year after year. She will often want to never wake up at all but yet, her dreams were not giving her a break either so did have mush choices.
One day tho....she met someone that made her have hope again. He was a warrior of dark and light. A mix breed. A lone soul that showed her that you can fight the darkness straight ahead. He taught her how to be brave and fight back. He taught that the golden heart was giving her the power to use the light within her and amplify it to clear the path ahead. With his friendship and care he taught her how to trust and love again. Their bond was something special. Something new and powerful. Not love, not friendship, not a brotherly love...it was just pure and sacred love at his full power. Unbreakable was the bond by all means...even after they went their separate ways in life.
She became stronger and more in control and molded the darkness around her with the years. He learned that "good" and "bad" are just words invented from humans to control other humans. What's good for me it can be bad for you. All it's relative. From something scary, that world of shadows became a home. She was able to mutate something horrific and change it around her. She became her own safe place and that was the best thing she could ever learn.
Whatever will happen in the future, she will always be protected by the light of the artefact and viceversa.
The winged golden warrior still in her heart. They can always meet in the netherworld if they want. He was the first warrior of darkess and light she ever met. Since then tho, she met many more. All different and with different artefacts inside them. All special and with that same pure love inside them.

What will the future bring we don't know and it's not important right now. Live day by day and be grateful for every little thing and experience you can have. The good ones and the bad ones because those made you grow up and learn. Those made you stronger. Those made you the warrior you are.

I am a warrior of darkness and light.

#Art #ArtTherapy #friendships #Depression
#storytime

STORY TIME
Long time ago I was living in an orphanage in Bolivia. I was around 4 years old and I was a little fire storm. A rebellious kid that didn't like adult figures because "I don't need you. I can take care of myself"...true in my case but I also didn't know better but that's another story.

My hair were long and styled in 2 beautiful long braids. They were strong, tick and super straight. My pride. Part of me and my culture. Very important to me.
One day tho...two adults came to see me at the orphanage. I fast refused to see them. I knew what it meant and I wasn't ready to go. I had someone important to take care and protect there. I couldn't go away and abandon them to that place without protection. They needed me. I was the only protection they had from the cruelties of that place.
The nuns in that place didn't accept a no from me tho. They tightly locked their hands on both my wrists and dragged me out the door. They brought me in another room and slam me on the chair ready for me and then I froze. My expression went from anger to shock when I saw the big scissors in the hand of one of them. I snap out of it and started fighting like my life depended on it. Another roughly blocked me to the chair and I cried hard when my first braid was cut of. They even showed it to me with a smirk and throw it on the floor. I was shaking with anger, hate and sorrow when my second braid was gone. Then I just stayed still until they finished. I was devastated. After that they passed me to another of the sisters that brought me to one of the shower rooms. I don't remember much of those moments but I clearly remember the sensation of the cold water getting in to my nose and throat. I felt like I was I was gonna drown. She push me down in the water for 3 times consecutively and then I only remembered me getting to another place were they doll me up. They put a bow on my head, a stupid doll like dress and black shiny shoes. Then I was ready to see my future parents. I hated it. I was going to make it hell for them until they will go away. I was not responding to them or looking at them and there was so much hatred in my eyes.
My parents didn't deserve that treatment...I know but I was out of a very traumatic event and I hated the world.
My mum won me over tho eheh she gave me a little doggy plushy and told me it was for me and her smile was emanating such a sweet and sincere love aura that I felt my anger go away a bit and I relaxed. I never had a toy of my own. An act of kindness that I will never forget.

CONCLUSIONS
All this story to tell that my hair have a really deep meaning to me. Cutting them is never something I love but now I understood that my strength is not only on visible and tangible things so it's ok to let go sometimes.
I hope you enjoyed the story time eheh
I hope you all will have a great day 😊❤️

Btw did you learn a new skill during lockdown too?

#Depression #Anxiety #warrior #Memories #storytime #smile #learnfromit #loveyourself

Did anyone asked you today? How are you hon? How was your day?
My day was kinda bad but I kept my smile and I'm kinda proud of myself eheh.
Dialogue inside me for all day:

ANXIETY: the smoke of the factory is there waiting for you. Your lung will get sick. You will need to wear the mask again in the house today....bla bla bla

DEPRESSION: Stay in bed darling. Rest more. Your attempt to make your situation better are useless so why try? Another thing will come out even if you solve this. Just stay here and sleep. You need more rest.

ME: *I feel so tired...i wanna stay in bed more...*

FEMALE VOICE: "What time is it? Time to get up. Come on Ivon. You need to go to Giant to buy the materials for seal the top part of the windows. Remember?

ME: *snaps out of it and check the time* I gotta shower, have breakfast and then go out. Let's goooo!! Eheh

ANXIETY: *Starts shooting pain at my back, ribs and make my muscles ache as soon as I get out of bed* What is that? Your health is at his worst. Your ribs...mmm...what if you got covid? Are you going to be paralyzed? Bla bla bla...

ME: *Ignoring it and planning my day and what to do next. Plus I videocall my husband in Singapore.*

ANXIETY: *Pissed off shoot more pain at my lower back, upper back and left knee and trigger my health anxiety*

ME: *triggered but I refuse to bow down so I summon all my will power and keep calm and decides to focus on the sexiness of my husband doing his morning training* *those boobs and abs mannnnnn!!!*
ME: *proceed to comment and catcall my husband and made him blush* Ahahahahahah

DEPRESSION TEMPORARILY LEAVES THE CALL

ANXIETY: *Keeps on trying during the whole day* You will not get rid of me ☺️

ME: *Finally relax a little and on the music. Start singing my lungs out to decompress form the stress and bad thinkings*
ME: *Smile*

FEMALE VOICE: "Tomorrow lets do a good job for the windows! Be more careful with the portion of your food also, ok?".

ME: "Sure I will do my best. Tomorrow they will be back but I'm not gonna let them prevail on me. I might be in pain and maybe effected by them also tomorrow but they will not manage to take away my smile. I will be ready. I choose life".

CONCLUSIONS
1)Having a schedule to respect is really helpful. Do a list of the things you need to do from the most simple to the most difficult and chose one or more simple to do a day (if you feel confident enough). Choose one of the difficult ones to do in the week. Don't worry if one of the weeks u can't do it but try your best at list to do one of the simple tasks a day. Make it as the OBJECTIVE OF THE DAY. Whatever it is...be proud of yourself when you finish it and check ☑️ the to do list.

2)MUSIC IS LIFE!! Whatever type you like put on some music and allow yourself to get lost in it. SING your lungs out like when we was kids. Smile or cry everything out but do it.
😎😜🤘❤️🎶🎧🎤🎸🎹🎷🎻🎶🎵

#Depression #Anxiety #smile #storytime

STORY TIME: Let's share a little bit of me.
The draw on top was one of my last draws during one of my worst periods ever. Suicidal thoughts and self harm were a daily thing. Just a month and half ago. Incredible, right?

People see me as a very shy, sweet and respectful person. They just see my smiles and enjoy my care and affections.
All my life is been like this for me because I used to think that show my struggles was a the worst weakness and dishonour. I was disgusted by it when I was younger. Noone ever saw me cry outside of my mother and father and even then it was rare. I used to hide lot of things and problems even the most dangerous one. I needed to deal with it myself because, in my child's mind, that was the right thing to do for not bother my saviours tranquillity. My parents adopted me and I had this HUGE sense of debt towards them. Plus I knew they will not understand what even I couldn't grasp at the time.
It's funny how people didn't understand that the one that they bullied, hated, grumed and threatened was not a weakly scaredy kitten at all. It's funny that people think that I was JUST a child and I couldn't understand things. I was never a child to begin with. You grow way faster when you need to learn to take care of yourself on the streets of a small south American poor town. No parents. Bad things happen to you. You stop being a child and you learn to survive and toughen up.
People never know how hard and cold I can be if only I want to but I prefer to show kindness and that smile everyone loves eheh. I made a promise to myself when I was 4 years old. I knew I had a lot of traumas, anger and trust issues inside me already then. I used to say "I didn't decide to the born. There is no hope for me. I'm broken but If I can't be happy then I will make others happy. Their happiness will be mine and I will protect them no matter what". That was my promise. That is why I learned and mastered the art of camuflaje and manipulation with the years. Just because I don't react to the shit they throw at me doesn't mean I'm defenceless. It means only that I'm deciding to choose calm over anger. It means I don't think you are mature enough to have a confrontation with me and I prefer to not waste my time. There are other ways to deal with it.
People see me as a sweet and cute kitty but I'm far more than that eheh
Just recently I started to not care if I show my struggles and pain. It's ok. Keep things inside is not healthy and talk about it openly it helped me to cope and grow my knowledge over it. I also found out that not all people are "muffins" (for avoid bad language 😅) and some will be by your side no matter what and I'm really grateful for that 😊❤️.
I'm really not so good in sharing but this app make me feel more at ease and I might share more of my life in the future eheh.

Are you a master in camuflajing?
Why do you use it?
How do people see you?
How is the real you?

#Anxiety #Depression #littleaboutme #storytime #smile

It’s interesting I can remember that night so clearly. I had just moved back home for Christmas break after my freshman year in college. On Tuesday December 16th 2008 I had a doctors appointment with my pulmonologist since my lung function was declining at a rapid rate. My team of doctors were concerned and were thinking about admitting me to the hospital but as a stubborn 19 year old I somehow talked my way out of that. They drew some labs and then I was on my way back home. In hindsight I wish I would have agreed to the admission. Later that night I was still having trouble breathing so I was constantly needing my nebulizer. Before going to bed my dad asked me if we need to go into the hospital and I told him I was “fine”. I went to bed and about an hour later I woke up with what I thought was just another asthma attack. I reached for my nebulizer but realized very quickly something was wrong. Since I was downstairs I banged on the wall and screamed for my parents help. I heard them rush downstairs and they immediately tried to put my nebulizer mask on but for some reason I was pushing it away. This is when I remember feeling very calm and a sense of peace. I was not scared and the last thing I remember saying was that I need to go to the bathroom. After that my dad said I passed out. At that point he had started CPR. The paramedics were on their way and as my parents waited they attempted to give me an Epipen. Unfortunately with all the chaos my dad accidentally injected his thumb. The paramedics arrived and the next thing I remember was waking up in the ambulance on our way to the hospital. When I saw my parents I saw they were broken. They thought they were going to lose their daughter. I still hav a sense of guilt about that night. I never want to see my parents in that state ever again. Once I was more awake my parents were able to see me. We all cried. After the all the hugs and kisses we were all curious about the cause of this episode. When my labs came back from earlier in the day and it showed that I had a sever case of whooping cough. Antibiotics and steroids were the trick to clear everything up but it gave me an understanding about how fragile life is and that I need to be more proactive with my health. Lesson learned.

#ChronicIllness #storytime #invisableillness