This group is now a private- full privacy- group!
This group is now a private- full privacy- group!
I struggle with friendships -- I always have. Right now my "bestfriend" told me she can't deal with me right now after I reached out to her about something that was bothering me that she said / did. I feel like she abandoned me.. I also can't help but blame myself for even saying something to her in the first place. We haven't talked in a week since she told me she couldn't deal with me :/ I feel things I# haven't felt in a long time.
I find making friends hard. I find it hard to maintain friendships and keep a conversation going with someone. When someone reaches out to me via social media and wants to be my friend, I would talk to that person for a couple of days or weeks and then I would stop myself from talking to them because I don’t want to get so close to them. I don’t know why I do this. I’m an introvert and I have social anxiety. I’m not much of a social person because I keep myself isolated from the world from forming meaningful friendships with people. Sometimes I do think to myself that something is wrong with me. I do want to build genuine authentic friendships with people, but it’s so hard.
One friend he’s had since 5th grade very recently told him that he cannot talk to him anymore. He doesn’t like the talking about what happened in the past, before my son became ill. The friend doesn’t seem to have an understanding of my son’s illness. My son’s recent behavior has been off, I’m sure this is why. My son is devastated. As far as I know, my son has been able to maintain only one other friendship he had from before his illness. Should I contact the young man, explain my son’s condition, and then allow the friend to decide after getting that information if he wants to end the friendship, or keep the friendship? Or should I just let it go and do what I can to help my son with this loss of a friendship?
Keep a friendship?
I dont have any friends anymore- I have pushed them all away long time ago but now when I try to make a friendship, I destroy it for my self and hurt ppl - not on purpose but it always ends up with I've hurt them or don't give them all the attention and love they need and deserv. Idk why I am like this - I've talked about it with a psychiatrist and she didn't understand and just said I just should try and it would be good for me with some friends.. I feel so stupid..
Have anyone else problems with keeping friendships ect?
Sry for my English ^^ btw I'm new here.
#friendships #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #sad
#day to day events 11-29-21 and days prior
#friendships # relationships # old therapists # significant others
I am trying to process the fact that I have no children and as a result no legacy. This comes to mind because I just heard that a good friend of mine passed away. Though she never said I do believe she had some mental health issues. That being said she was the mother to 5 children who are now adults and grandmother to several grandchildren. Though I am happy for the fact she lead a good life and sad because I will misss her terribly, I can’t help, but be sad for the fact that I have no children. And it is hard not to ask myself where did I go wrong?. Or more so yet where did the other people who were important to me while I was childbearing age and before - where could they have gone wrong-
And I come to the conclusion that most likely this woman never looked to others and how they may have faulted are look to herself and see how even she may have faulted. She just moved on and enjoyed the life she had or was given and enjoyed her life to the fullest. Finding fault just was something I don’t think was in her vocabulary/vernacular . She just flourished and became a mom to 5 from 2 different marriages and grandmom to many. She lived the life she enjoyed w any drawbacks it may or may not have had and found pleasure and happiness in the life she had before her w blame for others or to herself not even a thought.
I am hoping I can follow her good example. For, I too have a good life. Maybe not the one I expected to have, but good and happy just the same.
This friend not only left the legacy of these wonderful adult children, and grandchildren , but she left also the legacy of someone who enjoyed life to the fullest and from what I know of her lived a life w/o blame to herself or others. She lived a life well lived. And I want to do the same. I pray for her and I pray for myself and others.
Triggered on Purpose 😅
Over the past couple of weeks, I've thought about the time my friend purposefully triggered me. They had every right to say what they said, but I struggle with the thought that if they knew I was going to be negatively affected by their words in that moment... Why did they say it at all? I feel like they hurt me on purpose. That they didn't respect my feelings. But maybe that's not how it actually was
#friendships #Depression #MentalHealth #why #overthinking
Well, now I know what caused my delusions and voices when I was 25. Now @ 70 years young I look back.
Back before I heard voices and had delusions- when I did something upsetting instead of taking responsibility and addressing it- I would block it out, bury it.
The diagnostic psychiatrist I went to at the time said I should go in the hospital. I came out of the hospital a different personality then when I went in. Yes. I made decisions in the hospital. I had made decisions before in my life and it did not change my entire personality. The md/ doctor/therapist I saw knew I had no knowledge of anything psychiatric. Why did he change me? I could not have changed my personality w/o him.
I was doomed right then and there w my first hospitalization. I was changed and forever wanted the “ me” back that I once was. I also found a new boyfriend I was over my heels in love w. The doctor did not like this boyfriend if I am right on this. When I told the doctor this boyfriend asked me to marry him. This doctor said - “ I don’t think so”.
The doctor wanted me to go in the hospital again. I hated the hospital . I did not go in. And because of that doctor I did not marry that boyfriend. The losses were great. I lost my job, I lost my friends -I lost the boyfriend who was really a nice guy. I was forever altered.
Now- 50 years later- I still long for the “me”I once was. I am married and I have a stable marriage w no children -a platonic marriage . I still try to be the “ me” I once was and find resulting stability issues w the relationships I encounter.
I look now for emotional as well as physical health. I never heard voices except for that first time when I was 25.
I find taking responsibility for any upset I may have caused now only solves part of any emotional health problems. I have to concern myself w stability issues also. And for that I find the correct relationships are key.
# day to day events 11-15-21
# therapists#Relationships #friendships # significant others
I thought I was through w the problems related to serious mental illness. I thought I could focus solely on my physical health. However, I am reminded of instability issues that I had years ago & I find they are stil present. To a degree. Though small it brings to mind the fear I have if something were to happen to my husband before me. I thought I was near having that covered- until different relationships entered the arena. The different relationships brought w them a measure of instability.
I thought the more friends the merrier. Well, I find differences in people can alter my stable state.
I blame the doctors I saw for part of this I think for a great part of this. Why didn’t they leave me be? Why did they alter my personality? I had nice friends. I was a nice person. The changes only lead to instability.
I have to put these doctors in my past. I have to go forward. Now I know happiness is not my only goal . My goal is to remain stable and remain healthy: physically as well as mentally.