suicidal

Come very very close to ending it all tonight. Wrote my note, wrote my wishes for my funeral, wrote down a poem that I found online. Spent ages driving around crying, I just need to do this. I’m more afraid of doing it and it not working and having to put up with people saying I should have talked about it. How I should try to stay strong. I’m done with it all. I just need a guaranteed method where there’ll be no coming back from.

It's so easy to just take these pills in my palm and end it all wit nth to live for yet still nth to die for im too far gone#suicidal #SuicidalIdeation

#SuicideAttemptSurvivors #suicidal #Selfharm #SelfharmRecovery #MentalHealth

I got some shii goin on in my head rn I thought I was getting better, things are getting worse I am at my lowest and it feels like the year just started. I cant think my mind is jumbled, perhaps all i am looking for is an escape from this harsh reality growing up suicidal is kinda weird cuh i didn't think id still be alive rn so idk what im supposed to do with my life or where im going because i never planned on being here for it. i tried commiting suicide the other day and i aint ever doing that shit again (hopefully). i almost fricking killed myself. Anyways, suicide is not a joke it should be taken more seriously than it is. It is just as important and a sprained ankle same with a broken arm. Suicidal thoughts never truly "go away" we just find something to distract ourselves with. I am scared of my mind. But i think ill be okay. Love everyone and anyone taking the time to read this. Hey before you go.

answer this:

Before i die i want to_______________

for me

Be the person i am meant to be and have that be enough.

I choose to be kind and gentle to everybody, including myself. Nobody should have to deal with my pai n or a tough mood.
# fibromyalgia
#Bipolar
#suicidal

No worries. They're just thoughts. I have no plans or intent. I have a psychiatrist and a therapist. That being said, yeah I don't want to live like this anymore. I experience chronic pain, depression, anxiety. I can't do the things I need and want to do. I feel I'm only surviving, not living. I just don't see the point of any of this thing called life. I drive home each day and pray I get taken out by a Walmart semi, hopefully getting my family a nice settlement check. (Yes I know that's a horrible thing to wish on the truck driver.) I have an adult son living in my basement and fear he'll never leave. He causes nothing but problems in my marriage. It's so bad I started looking for apartments or rooms to rent so I can get out of there. Sadly I can't afford to live alone despite having an advanced degree and decent paying job. Add on all the shit going on in the country now and it's too much. I want off this hellish rollercoaster. #Depression #suicidal

Feel a little stressed as the guy im dating is sort of "weird" he doesnt know what to feel about us and this hurts.
Some days hes adorable but others hes like a Kite. I luv him every day but guess he doesnt know how to love.
Im a little confused.
#Fibro
#suicidal
#tiredatsoul
#dontwantpainanymore

Crying, I’m not sure I even have the words to explain. Something I have to do, work wise but it’s breaking my heart. Leaving a job that I’ve loved for 15 years, having to say goodbye to so many people who have put their trust and love into
Me. . And starting afresh in a job that I hope I can do, but my heart isn’t there.

My therapist wants me to meet with someone who works victims of abuse. I am having a hard time functioning with CPTSD and depression. I am petrified to talk to anyone else. My communication skills are not the best. My therapist will be in the room with me otherwise I would not do it. Anyone have any help they can offer.
#CPTSD
#major depressive disorder
#Anxiety
#suicidal ideation