Suicidal Thoughts

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I love this!

One of the most powerful info I ever learned was that trees that deal with strong wind grow deeper roots that help them live and last and the same if they grow through a drought.

So the more difficult the road, the stronger you can become. It is a fact of life. There is comfort in that for me as my life has never been easy and all sorts of difficult struggles with Pain being a constant for 18 years now, I am 29.
I was never meant to have an easy life. And I know God has the knowledge as to why. With His help, I will see this life through and grow each day-especially at trials and tribulations only grow in this complicated body o' mine.

I choose this life, and every pitfall that goes with it.

#AmplifiedMusculoskeletalPainSyndrome #Arthritis #Asthma #Anxiety #AnkylosingSpondylitis #bedbound #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CheckInWithMe #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #ComplexRegionalPainSyndrome #Insomnia #Lymphedema #CheerMeOn #IfYouFeelHopeless #Upallnight #Depression #Disability #DistractMe #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Endometriosis #Fibromyalgia #GastroesophagealRefluxDisease #Grief #HypothyroidismUnderactiveThyroidDisease #Hypersomnia #HighBloodPressure #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #PTSD #Psoriasis #PsoriaticArthritis #plantarfasciitis #PanicAttack #PanicAttacks #Psychosis #MentalHealth #MightyTogether #MemoryLoss #Migraine #musclespasms #MultipleAutoimmuneSyndrome #RareDisease #RheumatoidArthritis #JuvenileRheumatoidArthritis #SuicidalThoughts #Scoliosis #sciatica #ShinSplints #BoneSplints

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Why does it seem like I am being punished?

I am really really upset. I had to change my job hours at the school i clean at because the other cleaners and caretaker got annoyed that i had a day off again on Monday. I feel like I have failed in my job that I have had for the last 14 years. I have struggled and hated myself with the thought that I am not reliable sometimes when I go through a bad spell. They haven't even spoke to me in the last 18 months or so, they walk past me totally blanking me like i am not even there. They don't understand that I try my hardest to struggle into work every day. Sometimes, it brings on major panic attacks, and I have to go home earlier, if I can't get it under control. I try so hard to get all my areas done before I lose myself. I am literally shaking , trying to silently panic breathing and trying not to cry in front of the teachers. The headmaster and another lady knows what I am going through , including my suicidal thoughts and self-harm. They sympathise with me, but they say they can't do anything. The cleaners both said, "this has been going on for nearly 2 years, its not fair." I am worse as the day goes on, so it was either leave the job or work at 4.30 til 7.30 a.m on my own in the mornings. I was okay this morning for about 90 minutes, then the negative self critical voices started, and I started to have a panic attack and there was no one there to help me. I feel so depressed and defeated as my struggle to cope with this work everyday has been for nothing and just got harder, especially when the dark winter mornings come. I am trying so hard not to hurt myself , but I feel such a failure
#Depression #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Selfharm

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Floating

Grief is weird, one moment I’m fine and the next I’m a mess. Things just haven’t been the same since my soul cat passed away about a month ago.

On top of that I’m now dealing with an immature narcissistic bully on social media and am honestly at my wits end. I’ve blocked them and deactivated several of my accounts due to them and their childish behavior. While I’ve felt a breath of fresh air being away from social media I’m just so burnt out on life.

I just want to see my soul cat again and to be happy, or at least to stop floating around just existing.

#CheckInWithMe #Bullying #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #Suicide #MajorDepressiveDisorder

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Can we just kill ourselves? Yeah,the frustration is so much that I can't explain. It’s so tough to live like this. Right now,nothing works, no self-appreciation or anything. Believe me nothing no matter what others say. Even medicines can't help. The things that goes around your mind is self-harm cause for that moment it’s the only thing that can divert the pain amd frustration. Living with this is just getting out of control. When you know you have to do that but you aren’t able to do so cause you just can't. How to express this feeling.. Maintaining life like a normal person even though you are not normal is so hard. Yeah,you think you are goona do all this cause you need to. There is no other option but you can't. I am frustrated. Well, the self-harm that I was trying to do is pulling the thin rubber band and then leaving it on my hand. It hurts badly but I don’t feel it. My hand has literally become red for this and I can see all the marks I made on myself. It’s crazy.. That time I was feeling numb. Believe me it just happened. It’s just so crazy and I feel life is just so cruel for us to live... #Depression #MentalHealth #Anxiety #SuicidalThoughts

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