Terminal Cancer

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Grief

Sorrowful. Close family member with terminal cancer. She’s still alive but the grief is already here. Draining all our energy and joy. Already grieving. #Grief #fightingdepression #sorrow

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Missing my parents

So, I have pretty severe cPTSD. My early childhood was full of parentification and emotional neglect. Due to other needs in the family and mine being less obvious- I always had to be ok on my own. I've recently learned so much about what childhood should be like and some of the reasons I struggled so much. I'm a single mom to an amazing teenager. Thankfully, I have been able to break the cycle for him. He has a healthy sense of self and doesn't question his worth- even though I still struggle.
My dad died 3 years ago, about a year after a terminal cancer diagnosis. My mom followed a year ago from a COPD associated heart attack.
Despite all I know about what was wrong in our relationships- I had established healthy boundaries with them more than a decade ago. They didn't accept much of what I know to be true, but we managed to connect and enjoy one another. It's so hard to miss them, while also being relieved that I don't have to fight so hard to keep my boundaries. Love is complex.

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I hate Cancer!!!!!!

My sister is dying from cancer. It has progressed to the point the the hospital sent her home with hospice to die comfortably in her home. I'm anger and sad and scared. How do I do this life without my big sister? 💔 who will listen when I am down and make no sense? Who will advise me and tell me its going to be okay? She is too young to die she is only 59.Her older years have been stolen from her. I'm unbelievably broken hearted! I don't want her to go yet I had to give her my permission 😫 and tell her not to worry about me. She told me so calmly over the phone that she wasn't going to get any better and wouldn't be talking to my again. What choice did I have but to tell her it was okay. #Cancer #Depression #Loss #LiverCancer TerminalCancer

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Slivers instead of a heart

I’ve not shade yet my story. Depression and anxiety sprinkling of arthritis and fibromyalgia is my battle. I have a bad picker so I find myself drawn to unhealthy men. I live in a house with a malignant narcissist for a husband and my son who is haunted with mental illness. My best friend has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I’m committed to driving her to Mayo and staying as close as possible for the time we have left. My family lives out of state except my children. Three of my four kids refuse to interact with my untreated mentally ill son. Because of his illness his children are kept from him there go I don’t get to see them either.
My doctor excepted a marriage proposal and left the state this month. I dread finding a new doctor.
This last weekend there was a episode to great degree for my son. Putting him out and about in the cold night and in the dangerous city of Minneapolis. He rambled around talking to himself missing the train to bringing him home and the bus kicked him off. We’re 45 minutes from the city and normally try to stay clear from there.
I’m hoping to be able to get strength and affirmations from The Mighty. Today I feel if I allow myself to cry I will never be able to stop.
I find comfort in my precious dogs and the grandchildren I’m able to spend time with. I stopped going to church because I was so humiliated by my husband’s behavior. I don’t go anywhere with him it’s just a set up for who knows what he comes up with.

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Is it okay to be here?

I'm not a daily caregiver of someone who has cancer. I am however the sister of someone who has terminal cancer. The doctors have told her they cannot save her life they can only prolong it some. I have virtually no friends. The reason I am not her caregiver is because she is far away from me. Otherwise I would be there daily. I am broken-hearted and she isn't even gone yet. I'm at a loss and and so much frustration. I'm helpless and I'm sad. I'm also a sufferer of major depression and bipolar disorder as well as anxiety. So the worry and the sadness is triggering other illnesses. I was hoping to find some support here. But like I said I'm not a caregiver so I don't quite fit the group. Is it okay for me to be here? Is there a cancer group on here for families I don't know about? Please let me know. #Cancer

7 comments
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Check in with me.. really struggling. Gram in hospital

My gram is in the hospital. She had a stroke. She has to do rehab then move into assisted living. We will have to empty her apartment and storage garage. Then move her in the assisted living. She also is battling vulvar cancer. Can’t operate because of her age (88) and she’s decided not to do chemotherapy because it will be extremely painful. My gram basically raised me because my parents were working. I’m so worried about her and I want to be with her as much as I can. I’m very overwhelmed. #CheckInWithMe #Hospital #Stroke #Depression #TerminalIllness #TerminalCancer #Cancer #VulvarCancer

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It’s Been a while since I’ve been on here it may be a lot to read but I’m pouring my heart out

I have been struggling mentally and physically on a daily basis. Things got so difficult in my life I’ve wonder if there’s light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve been suffering daily I’ve lost my godfather and grandfather months apart my godfather has suffered 7 heart attacks while in the hospital. He had a heart condition that he hid from the family on my mother’s side some of my cousins did not know that he had a heart condition. I remember the time my cousin brought out a bundle of paper and had all the condition information on it i really can’t remember exactly what it was at the time I was working as mechanic and had gotten a text message from my mother telling me my godfather had suffered a heart attack while at home he had fell onto the floor and was told he suffered a cut on his forehead. I immediately reacted without thinking I got into my car and raced to my godfathers house but he was already in the hospital. All of us prayed he’d survive the ordeal they put him into a induced hypothermia. We waited hours and hours to get news and and we did and they were saying he was doing fine his heart was beating he could breathe on his own without the ventilator and then we got news he had been suffering heart attacks back to back after resuscitation and the last heart attack took his life. I remember the cries of my godmother begging god to bring him back it broke my heart to hear her cries all of us had cried we all went to his wake and his burial it was a heart wrenching moment for me for all of us. Months later my grandfather passes away he suffered from terminal cancer but died in his sleep we believe he died from heart failure or heart attack. My grandfather was looking very thin and pale almost like a skeleton he was cold all the time he wore mitts on his hands a heavy sweater and he’d eat very little he’d sleep a lot and I saw his last picture before his death and what I described with what he wore was what he wore the day before his death the next day he passed away in his sleep. My father was overwhelmed with emotion i could see it in his eyes that he was very very saddened he didn’t cry but was devastated about the news. I was on my way to work i no longer pursued my career of being a mechanic instead i did gig jobs grubhub Uber eats etc. I woke up at 9am got dressed got everything and went out for work I get a call from my mother telling me my grandfather passed away so I head back home my parents were at a restaurant and I went there and told my father i give him my condolences and he said thank you. I sat down with my dad and we had breakfast i gave him a hug and told him “your father is in heaven now he will be taken care of “ fast forward to now I’ve deal with a broken heart for days I broke up with my girlfriend of 7 months due to her family not wanting me to be with her due to things that happened before I dated her I’ve lost my family members and girlfriend I feel depressed and miserable and sometimes empty in my heart

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I’ve gone through so much loss lately that I don’t know how to process it. Lost both my dad and aunt in July, and my dog also has terminal cancer

#Autism #Grief #CPTSD #dissociativedisorders

4 comments