underpressure

I am 27 years old. My current situation in life is so weird at the moment. I don’t know what to do or what to think. My boyfriend (who is 25) works full time remotely. His pay is more than decent. I on the other hand have no job. Sort of. I work part time at a bookshop. Mostly on weekends. I was pressured into finding a job. I did. Now I’m being told to find a better, full time job with much better pay. I can tell that if I won’t, my boyfriend will leave me. So, in my mind, I don’t think I have the capability and mentality to underhold a full time job. I don’t think I have that strength. Even getting up early in the morning to work on the weekends is hard enough already. Also i forgot to mention, we live with his parents. His mom recently underwent a huge surgery and still recovering, his dad is kinda losing it. He also has depression and anxiety and being manic. Now being in the household with all this down, negative energy is really getting to me. It makes it hard for me. I am afraid my relationship is in jeapordy. I don’t know what to do. I am afraid. #gettingajob #findingajob #Lifeishard #Growingup #Life #Depression #Anxiety #underpressure #Pressure #afraid

I'm in a time-sensitive nightmare situation and every time I figure one piece out another roadblock pops up which halts everything. The pressure is extreme and every time this happens I feel like crying and screaming because I'm working SO HARD to make things work under horrible circumstances, and it all keeps getting messed up.

Prayers/thoughts appreciated. I am just so sad and worried and stressed out!

#Vent #venting #Pressure #underpressure #overwhelmed #Anxiety #Depression #Spoonie #Spoonies #RareDisease #Stress

#PTSD
I'm studying for an exam I have to pass in order to practice the field that I’ve studied. It's a big, complex, tricky sucker and I've failed it before. Just one week before and I'm still practicing essays. let me not lie, I managed to get one today because the pressure and nervousness I'm feeling are affecting my stomach. I find I'm gritting my teeth in response to subconscious thoughts or feelings about the test or something negative. It'only past 5:00 pm and I feel depleted. even dehydrated! and all this makes me even more nervous! fun times