justice

Hey guys, this is my Documentary. We're hoping to turn it into a series since I have a lot of ongoing things and discoveries. If anyone has any recommendations on where to submit this, please let me know. Also, please let me know if you have an interest in sharing your story. I've been treated TERRIBLY by the healthcare system, and I'm the one suffering and paying for it ultimately. There's some sinister stuff happening within the system, and I'm making a stand. youtu.be/z2janL-IySY

Does anyone else with C.P.T.S.D find when they get lots of new memories back in a short space of time that it's much harder to remember to ground?

I've been really good at applying grounding technics lately, I've been using them a lot and managing new memories and flashbacks well..

over the last week though I have broken through another memory wall into another valt of trauma, the memories behind that wall were pushed back because they are genuinely Terrifying to the point you could make horror movies out of them!

I broke down that wall and kinda kept it on hold until my therapy session yesterday..
Which was sort of helpful 🤪
yet it also backed up that someone with a professional and outside opinion also feels that the way I'm being treated by the police while trying to report, means I'm genuinely putting myself in danger in the now!!
I knew that anyway.. to have it backed up via an outside professional leaves me feeling im even less safe 😱😳🤯

I don't have many more therapy sessions to go and don't know if I can get more funding.. so very soon I may be in this minefield alone without Anyone to talk to about it all!🤪👀

#Therapist #Nosupport #dangeroursplace #CPTSD #PTSD #futurefears #PanicAttack #MeToo #childhoodabusesurvivor #RapeSurvivors #Childhoodtrauma #justice #fightingabuse

I used to think I could just flow with the tide,
But that was just another way to hide,
To keep it all inside..
slap on a smile no one will know you nearly died.

The grim depths of reality were more than a little brain could hold, so I hid the truth in a brain fold..
Tucked away was all my trauma, so I could pretend the world was warmer!
After what my little eyes had seen, I had to search for something in the world that wasn't cold or mean, broken or obscene..

Then the search for oblivion, to forget the world I was living in..
I partied all the time it wasn't a problem.. as I didn't count it as addiction.
Just another way to block out my childhoods depiction!

When the trauma is developmental, it's much easier to bracket you as mental!
When you look at me what do you see..
C.P.T.S.D or Me?

All my life Ive had flashbacks for breakfast.
A cereal of images, eating at my life force..
Not something you can explain in common discourse!

These things I couldn't disclose, that happened when I had no clothes, I could never explain how they were the course of my lows..
Well how can you explain things so horrific Even your own brain pretends it dosent know?
It's not something I chose, yet it's a book I never get to close..

I grew up, Trauma repeated, by many men who's numbers I've deleted, but not before I became depleted!
I reflected and worked on my self image, some parts of me completed.
Yet every day a new piece of my psychi competed..

Flashbacks led me to my memories,
A tale Terrifying in its complexity!
Little eyes shouldn't see death up close and personal, they shouldn't have to work out a psychopaths rationale..
Even as broken homes go mine wasn't traditional!

Yet I am made of the glue to fix myself!
Somehow I found the Grit to prosecute those at fault, the process has bought my life to a halt..
But surely it's worth it to bring down a cult?!?!

I don't know what this poem was about..
Some days I'm calm others I want to shout, but this is my only place to let it out!

#CPTSD #CPTSDinrelationships #Depression #AbuseSurvivors #justice #Upallnight #MightyPoets #mightypoety #Flashbacks #Childhoodtrauma #ChildhoodTraumaSurvivors #RapeSurvivors

Investigation on hold they say.
Stopped mid flow, again voiceless in the void.
So many pitfalls to avoid..
Dented yet Never destroyed!

Stretching my window of tolerance,
There is beauty everywhere yet it's hard to stand in reverence!
Time lapses, as the plan collapses..

I am put on hold, a full stop.
Yet no gap from memories..
No time off for the frontal lobe,
No freedom to wander the globe,
Yet also no where to call home..

No shelter from flashbacks that batter like a winter storm, as I comfort my inner child I grow warm..
Lightening breaks across the sea,
Flashes of memory..
The storm they call P.T.S.D,
Some days it recks me.

Others I rise from the ashes,
Reassemble from inner trashes.
Some days I break preconseptions,
Others it's me that smashes!
I've lived through dark days my skin carries the slashes.

Though my scars do Not define,
Each memory is mine.
Trauma must Not be past along the line!
Now I can spot a trigger from a warning sign..

I catch myself before I fall,
Somehow I manage to handle it all..
I take a deep breath and again stand tall!
I'm left wondering why the police still stall..
I want Justice for all those who were hurt when they were small!

#CPTSD #justice #Survivor #PTSD #AbuseSurvivors #BipolarDepression #Trauma #TraumaSurvivors #CheckInWithMe

Trigger warning

This evening I witnessed the ROCHESTER, NY police department open fire on what was a peaceful protest following the murder and cover up of Daniel Prude. At the front of the line was a group of elected officials who sought to be the unifying tie to ensure everyone remained safe and that police and protestors did not overstep their boundaries together and remained peaceful. The police, complete with attack dogs on hand reminiscent of racism in the 60s, shot from the back of their line at the clearly marked press, then the peaceful protestors while simultaneously shooting the elected officials in the head with pepper spray cans and "non lethal" rounds.Only then did some protestors engage. I watched in horror as the people who swore to protect us did this to my fellow citizens.

Why do I share this tonight? Because as someone with mental illnesses, the fact that this all began because a psychiatric emergency department failed to do their job is how this began. Daniel's brother called 911 earlier the same evening he was murdered because he didn't know what to do and needed medical help for his brother who was experiencing a mental health crisis. The police are the ones who showed up. Daniel ended up eventually being taken by ambulance to UR Medicine Strong Memorial Hospital. Once there he was given care for the episode he was in. Despite his family saying they didn't believe he was safe to leave they discharged him back to the family. They did not prescribe any medications, or anything. Nothing.
A few hours later Daniel entered another episode in which he stripped off his clothes and began running and fled outside the house. His brother frantically called 911 for help fearing for his brothers safety and wellbeing. Again the police show up. This time they take a man they already know is having a mental health crisis, they throw him to the ground while nude, they taunt him, put a hood over his head and kneel on his neck while laughing and carrying on. They take his limp body and put him into the ambulance and take him to strong where he is barely holding onto life and eventually succumbs.

This mental health crisis is not something new or out of the ordinary. It is a standard crisis seen in any area of health care let alone in society. The fact that a man died because his family did the right thing that every resource says and called for help is heinous. What does this say to every other person out there? What does this say in particular to black citizens out there? Even when they need help they have to stop and think of wether or not they will get it or die! They have to stop and considder wether an ambulance or a hearse with a gunman is going to show up and hurt them while they're already hurting. I am so heart broken. I am so offended. And I am so angry. I barely have enough words here to even describe this. #blacklivesmatter #DanielPrude #Rochester #MentalHealth #HealthCare #Trauma #justice #violence