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Out of Control #RapidCycling

I have just started being a nanny for my daughter, 4-5 days a week, for basically room and board, and they are getting ready to move into a bigger house, where I will have my own room on the first floor. But wow, talk about taxing work! She has 4 wonderful boys, whom I love dearly, and I think the world of, but, was it the full moon? This week has been out of control! Hitting, swearing, and just your normal "band of brothers", and "it's all us brothers against you, Grandma Suzy, and we're pretty tough."
And it has done me no favors with my C-PTSD, depression, and anxiety. My daughter's outside my door, crying and worrying and wiping her eyes and sniffling because she's convinced herself that I've got dementia and I don't have long for this world. And that every day, in every way, my dementia keeps getting worse and worse.

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Depressed to Manic

Finally coming out of a depressed episode and into a manic episode. I have suddenly have a lack of need for sleep and high energy. I feel like I am rapid cycling. #BipolarDisorder I am glad to be out of the depressed episode but it seems that my mood changed in a matter of hours. I am looking for calming activities. I already listen to classical music which I find to be very soothing. Does anyone else have any ideas for how to calm a manic episode before it becomes too extreme?

#Mania #Relaxation #RapidCycling

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First time here, Mother's day sucks. #CheckInWithMe #Bipolar2Disorder #Anxiety #Depression #CEN

Mother's Day is the worst holiday for kids with #CEN . How can I honor or say nice things about someone who neglected me emotionally? She was never meant to be a mother. I'm glad I was born and I've never tried to change that (well at least not officially). Having #BipolarDisorder with #RapidCycling makes it fun when I'm manic and sometimes I have done some irrational things. My birth father left when I was a baby so he was no help and my step father had a baby with my mother when I was nine who became Daddy's little girl. No place for me.

So now when I stand in front of the Mother's Day cards and read them and none of it is true...what do I do? I bought a generic card and a Gift Card to the grocery store. Thankfully I have a Mother-In-Law and a great Wife who are great mothers, at least I can celebrate with them.

As a child I was depressed, angry, anxious, happy (although I don't remember any of that emotion), and sometimes just emotionally drained. She did nothing to help me. She did nothing to treat me. What kind of mother does that? At least my wife was smart enough and caring enough to make me get help and the right help.

I left the house at 17 and went to college and for a year, never looked back. It wasn't until my 30's that I even found out I had Bipolar Disorder. Maybe if she had cared enough to get me real help things would have been different between us. Anyone else have this kind of situation?

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Controlling/ignoring rapid #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder rapid mood swings

Do you ever actually notice your moods/emotions flip flopping or #RapidCycling ? I’ve became more aware of it over the years. Especially after #DBT . Just today I was crying, so #depressed for a few mins I felt #Outofcontrol with my #Sobbing . Then in a split second I was in full blown #Rage . Became violent-hitting the dash of the car, slamming car door, slamming things around. Then all of a sudden the #Guilt hit...more crying and sobbing. I consciously knew I was spiraling out of control but no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t calm myself before or even right after it began. It took my husband bringing me to the side and talking with me. Not about what was going on, just about kids and plans for today. He changed the subject and got my mind #focused .
Please tell me I’m not the only one who has to sit back and just let the mood/emotion swings play out? What do y’all do when it happens? #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #moodswings

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Slowly Giving Up/In

Beware of rambling and long thoughts if you read this...
I’ve been struggling with full acceptance of my diagnosis of bipolar 2 with rapid cycling moods and anxious distress along with PMDD. It’s been over a year at this point. I quit a teaching job mid-year last year while I was being diagnosed and I had high hopes that getting back into it this year would just be better by being more aware and knowing that these are just moods and they shouldn’t define who I am. But they sure as hell are starting to define who I am. I’ve been trying out different meds for a year. I haven’t found anything that actually works yet. My mood fluctuations as well as highs and lows have increased in severity. I’ve found that even in my lowest of moods I refuse to check into a facility to try and get more help. I swear my therapist is the only person keeping me alive because on some days even my kids don’t do it for me. I read on The Mighty and I post on The Mighty when things get real tough, but how low will I go before I can get this somewhat managed? I’ll be going through a divorce as my husband is through with the moods, I keep taking days off at my new teaching job and feel unreliable at best at this point. I’m in such a low I’ve been going through the “what if’s” of everything and all of them are scary and unhappy endings. I question if I’ll ever hold down a job again and if I even want to try to hold down a job. I know that if I can’t make it at this teaching job I will have burned all my bridges with recommendations and references. This was my most manageable teaching job yet. It was exactly what I hoped it would be and I’m just messing it up. I feel as if I’m just slowly giving up on everything. #Bipolar2Disorder #BipolarDisorder #Anxiety #RapidCycling #PMDD #CheckInWithMe #Selfharm

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Who is workin’ it right now?! Share your wins!! Share your favorite coping strategies!! I need distractions. 😝

I’m feeling down and frustrated with my rapid cycling moods and the problems they are causing in my life right now. Do you have a win you want to share? Let me know if you’ve been working your butt off to manage your symptoms and you’re finally seeing progress! I feel like I’ve been working my butt off and I’m still searching for the right medication and finding the right coping mechanisms to try and manage daily life. I need some uplifting stories of keeping the fight going! #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #PMDD #Selfharm #RapidCycling

12 comments