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Let Me Entertain You / Sh*t Doctors Say
The other half was telling me this morning that he phoned our local doctor’s surgery and they told him “we’ll get back to you on that”, which was a clear indication that not only thay they wouldn’t get back him; but that he’d most surely have to keep phoning and harassing them into doing their job. It got me thinking about all the sh*t doctors say where it’s obvious that they either don’t mean what they’re saying, or you have to read between the lines to understand what they’re really telling you.
Like Robbie Williams sang; Your mind gets burned with the habits you've learned, But we're the generation that's got to be heard, So come on let me entertain you, with some of the sh*t doctors have said to me and please feel free to add some sh*t of your own in the comments 💩
I don’t know = I’m bored now, please stop asking me questions.
Cooing noises (usually male doctors) = I was forced to attend a patient empathy course, I don’t really care about what you’re saying but my workplace says I need to *sound* like I care.
(NHS specific) CBT or GET might help with that = I have no idea what I’m talking about so I’m going to recommend these fallback treatments so you’ll stop asking me questions I can’t actually answer.
Maybe you have some unresolved trauma = I’ve looked at your basic blood tests and even though some things are out of range, there’s nothing I care to follow up on, so I’m going to lie and declare that “everything looks normal”, thereby implying the problem clearly only exists in your head.
The more you think about your illness / pain, the greater it will become = I’m a borderline sociopath, larping at being a doctor who is supposed to provide care when I lack the empathy to actually care.
First do no harm = a recommendation at best that applies to other doctors, but not me because I’m special and think very highly of myself due to societal veneration of my profession.
(ER / A&E) You might have to wait a few hours = you should have brought a sleeping bag and at least two meals with you.
States something obvious like you should keep your feet warm in winter = all patients are idiots and I am all knowing, highly paid, and get off on abusing my authoritay.
Use of the term “people like you” = I’m dehumanising you so that I can label and judge the f*ck out of you… because I can.
“It might be that” in response to your suggestion = I really don’t think it’s that, I’m just being polite and pretending to entertain you even though I don’t GAF what you think.
You’re very young to be using a wheelchair / have that condition = I spent almost a decade studying for a medical degree so that one day I could become Captain Obvious ⚡️
#MyCondition #InvisibleIllness #WheelchairUsers #Disability #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #ChronicFatigue #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #DistractMe
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