wtf

Filling my weekly med boxes can be confusing at times….I’m always messing up and saying “What the f*ck!”
This morning I was staring at it, overwhelmed. I’m thinking “Hope I don’t screw it up this time” and suddenly my warped brain came up with a sentence that goes along with the days of the week:
S poonies
M aster
T he
W hat
T he
F *ck
‘S
We truly do figure out a way to master all the WTF’s in life my friends! Every time I do my meds now, I will look at it with renewed confidence and I’ll master it! 🙌 Decide what you’re going to master and share it with me, I’d love to hear!
#meds #wtf #Spoonies #Confidence

The #Smoke in Auburn is bad. I can barely see out my window. How do I tell myself the I like the way the smoke #burns my #Lungs ??

#Depression

#wtf

#help

#Addiction

#Pain

#addictiontopain

I am usually a very active person who can't even sit through a movie. Once Covid19 took over the country; I battled the beast myself for over two months. I haven't been the same since, I don't know if it's my medication not working anymore. I have no motivation, energy, stamina, and I feel like my mind has called it quits on me. I have gained 20lbs also, that's the worst part about it for me.
#ADHD #ADHD #lost #stuck #yuck #wtf

#frustrated !
#wtf
#help
#ideasplease

Im currently in the living room in my cozy couch of my home. I’m surrounded by my three beautiful angels and a very loving husband but I feel so emptied and dark inside but why?? #feelinghopeless #wtf #IHateFeelingThisWay

I have no idea what I think I'll accomplish here but I've got nothing to lose. Well... except if anyone scolds me, or is mean, or tells me I'm not really welcome here, it's my m.o. to start thinking about how worthless I am and blah, blah, blah. I've only been this way for 2 years and I'm so sick of it. #TraumaticBrainInjury #victimsurvivor #broughtbacktolife #wtf #Hatemyself #dontknowhowtousehashtags

Asking someone with BPD if they want to postpone their wedding, is equally as damaging as just flat out abandoning them all together in my opinion.. now if we go through with it, all I am going to think about is if he really loves me and wants to spend his life together!? Help!!!

So. I'm positive that I'm not the only one who feels like this, but I still feel terrible about it.

One of my best friends in the world has cancer. Multiple myeloma. I'm so jealous.

Yep. Jealous. What kind of terrible person - what kind of *stupid* person - is jealous of someone having a terminal illness?

Someone with an invisible illness. Someone who, when she says she's tired, gets *the eye roll*. You know it. When my friend says she's tired, everyone falls over themselves to help her out. When I say I'm tired, I get, "So is everyone else."

No. My tired is not your tired. I understand that you have a physical job, and you come home tired. But you are tired because your sleeping habits suck, not because your central nervous system had decided to go insane and try to kill you. But hey, whatever. I fight through, we get through it, I wake up feeling like I haven't slept. Good times.

I'm jealous of people who are "understood". I'm jealous of people who can say, "I'm exhausted - my body can't do this," and have people respond with, "Of course! No problem, let me help you out."

To be fair, I'm jealous of people with no pain, too. I'd rather have no pain. But because pain seems to be my lot in life, I'm jealous of people who have the support that they need.

I'm flaring so badly right now. I'm completely useless. I have managed to take my meds, eat some cookie dough, and watch five eps of supernatural. I'm completely bedridden. I have an acupressure mat, a couple of neck pillows, a weighted blanket, and an adjustable bed. Not to mention the myriad of products I have been using for the pain.

But today is worse, the pain is worse, but also, the emotional toll is worse. I can't stop thinking about how, if only I had cancer instead of fibro, people would understand, and I could get help. I wouldn't have to feel guilty for resting if I had cancer. There's a good chance that something could be done about it! Imagine that! No doctors suggesting that it's not real, no eye roll when the fatigue is bad... I'm so jealous of people who have socially acceptable health problems.

Please forgive my whining... It's day ten of the worst fibro flare I've ever had. My head isn't in a good place right now, but it'll get better.

#Fibromyalgia #fibroflare #Depression #wtf #FibromyalgiaSucks

On a post last night, I said that for the first time, I believe that I can fall in love again and believe in love again after my ex broke up with me.

Update: He is dating someone else 🥴 What makes me shook is that the reason why he broke up with me is because I was invading his privacy by asking him how he is doing after his friend passed away because he was being distant and I told him that he doesn’t have to go through this in isolation. I felt so much guilt. Low and behold, the day we broke up, I see him flirting on Twitter with his current partner.

And when we broke up, he literally said “I don’t want to be with anyone else.” When we were together, he would never tweet about me or engage me and I told him that I felt that I was being treated like a secret.

I’m someone who will apologise when I’m wrong and generally, accountability is something I highly value. Everyone in my life holds each other accountable. Seriously. That’s so important to me. When I told him that I was diagnosed with depression and borderline personality disorder after we broke up (we were still communicating) because he claimed that he still loved me and cared about me and wanted to reconnect. Little did I know... I have been eating myself up and that’s honestly contributed to my depression. So, lol.

This post is just to air my frustrations. 😩 #Breakups #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #wtf

I feel like NOTHING is going right! I try to connect with my family of origin. Never have been able to. I don't know why I think its going to change. The only people I connected with are dead. They lie and say that because I'm bi, both bisexual and bipolar and don't want to have kids I'm the one that's wrong.
I'm not the only one that doesn't want kids. My sister is bisexual, a whore and God knows what else.
I don't look like anyone else on either side. I wasn't adopted. God I wish was. I'm a thow back at least 10 to fifteen generations. I'm a freak and only at 43 trying to accept who I am. It took cancer to get my mother to say she understands. My dad's on his way out.
Im the one who has kept my last name, so I get something my maternal grandmother made for my mom.
#what 's the fucking point