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A little update with BIG developments…

I have made several posts about the situation with my son so I won’t explain that again. On February 25th we go to court to remove him as my guardian. I have petitioned the court to let me be my own guardian again. Even with the complications from my current struggles with insomnia, I am capable of making sound decisions for myself. My morals and values are intact. I am very anxious to get this over with.

Speaking of the insomnia - I sleep less than 3 hours per 24. At least 2-3 nights a week I don’t even get into bed. I am following a healthy sleep guide that says bed only when sleepy. I started having bizarre episodes where my whole body jumps as if I was startled awake - but I was not sleeping in the first place. When I ran it by my PCP and now also my Psychiatrist, they both mentioned researching microsleeps. According to my research, they start when you are so sleep deprived that your organs are in danger of damage and/or failure. The human body needs to go into regular sleep cycles to rejuvenate all of the body systems regularly. I am going to be started on a new sleeping med called Belsomra when the prior authorization goes through.

I have also started to take some food extracts to assist meds I am already taking. Replace deficiencies revealed in blood work. And hopefully replace some prescription meds. I take 127 prescribed pills every day! The only thing both doctors asked is that #1 I only start 1 new extract a week. And #2 I notify each of them when I start something new so they can help track any side effects and/or benefits.

I have so many physical and mental health based dxs that I need to address. Doing it one at a time with single ingredient extracts when possible. With my autoimmune disorders, it can cause a different reaction or need a higher dose to accomplish anything. I am being careful and checking with my care team before I even purchase any extracts. The way I am doing this is very expensive. But how can I put a limit on my health and even my existence. I need to find some sort of quality of life- something I don’t think I have ever had. Anyway, this is the direction I have chosen at this time. I hope and pray for positive effects.

Those are the major updates I have to offer at this point in time… #Insomnia #MajorDepression #foodextracts #Court #microsleeps #Sleepmed #Guardianship #autoimmunedisorders #sounddecisions #organrisk #consultdoctor #Update #numerousdiagnoses #physicalhealth #MentalHealth #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #healthysleephygiene

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For the love of cow manure...this is gonna get good folks.

WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THESE 35+ EARLY 40s GUYS!!!!. I need to vent for a minute. And they are Laten & Black. Praise God they keep sliding off the radar as fast as they pop on. Thank you Father!!! JEEPERS!!!I am still getting myself up by my bootstraps. I have a few things to get in order & it's all in God's timing & provision.
The latest one is Brazilian. OIY!!! I know what I said the night my late husband passed. Laten isn't so bad, it not the culture so much as it's that I really prefer salted caramel skin tones. Husband #2 was the final nail in the coffin for my color. And I gave up on them. Hubby #3 'passed & I was done with all men....and then my Father spoke. We had words but I agreed with him. He has his preferences on what man I should have. We have been brokering ever since Javi went home to heaven to be with our Father.

They ALL SAY THE SAME THING!!!! Your so pretty & sweet. DUDES!!! It's not looks I am into it helps but it is NOT the primary target!
Let me turn theTABLES!!! How do you worship?, what shape is your heart in?, Are you between 45-63? Are you from the north ( God wasn't specific where up North), seeing I am in S.FL, but he'll be younger than Javi. Of a priestly nature & order. Javi is the stepping to the next guy.
I don't believe in having boyfriends, they don't work for me, I am like moving towards biblical structured relationship that honors God above all.
Why can't I hear: Oh, I love your brains & I love the condition of your heart, when you worship our Father I am awe struck by your passion to worship him without holding back. Like can we work on a friendship first? Can I test drive you in a time of prayer with someone who needs prayers? Can I minister along side you to see what we're like when we pair up on it?

Can you grow to love me flaws & all? We fall in love with the clothes we buy & bring home- I am not into falling love with someone. I want to grow in it.

I like my solitude, but I like to socialize too. Can you do things on your own- healthy things? Pray alone and with me? Can you do solitude too? A relationship is not easy. It takes dedication & loyalty, maturity, lots of humor, prayer, love it's not always simple. I am a deep person, I am very different on purpose I don't want the world in me, but I want to make it a better place to live.

I am hard core on Proverbs 31:29 the very first kiss God ever gave me out of scripture. I am old school,GenX, raised in TX, Transparent cause lying takes up too much energy. Yes I am alot of fun, lots of energy, deep, empathic, brilliant, funny, deep down my Father's wishes come first.
And I don't want to loose myself identy in an intimate arrangement by the Lord.

He is he & I am who I am but our Father brought us together to do more for him than we could alone. And I am content till he comes along.
Thankbyou for letting me vent.
#relationship , # ostomy,# widows.

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Another Season

A great afternoon all. I just woke up from a well needed nap and walked out back to feel a slight taste of fall. Some of us enjoy different seasons. Here in North east Florida, we usually only have 2 . One is called Cold and the other one is Hot. Truth be told I don’t like either one of them lol. The cold brings out the joint pain and the heat with high humidity is becoming intolerable. I can remember as a young kid my Dad was stationed in Key West. For the first 10 years of my life I never noticed the heat and stayed outside all day. Cars didn’t come with A/Cs ( those were for rich people). That was during the Cuban Missle Crisis. We all got these little pamphlets what to do if one was shot. Duck and hide under our desk was the solution. ( Damn we were idiots back then ) but some of my ideas when I was there taught me life long lessons. NEVER do a autopsy on a dead shark you pulled home on a wagon and like a surgeon, remove all the organs in your carport on a hot key west summer. Both my neighbors Dad and then my Dad took turns whipping my ass. It took months to get rid of that smell. Lesson #2 lesson : Tarzan never slid down a Palm tree.. That might look cool but it also will remove all your skin from your inner thighs,abdomen, and inner arms plus a trip to the dispensary. #3 Never jump out of a tree with your Superman cape on with the old rubber coated wire used on a clothes line carrying one of those cheap bone handle steak knives. #1 The clothes line will tighten around you. And secondly that cheap steak knife takes awhile to cut through wire. Lastly Superman never fell 25 feet (he could fly..I couldn’t ) another trip to the dispensary . So many memories So many lessons learned……..David

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Petrified Forest Photo #2 #ArtTherapy #Depression #Anxiety

Here is the 2nd photo. It is the patterns of the tree rings of one of the logs. It kind of looks like a bullseye.
#ArtTherapy #Depression #Anxiety

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Dreams #goals #dreams #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #Bipolar1

Last week I didn't have enough money to buy my vraylar for my bipolar. Of course I am doing amazing and figured maybe I could get away without taking it. Red flag #1 ! I recently got divorced from a narcissist of 26 years and I got on Medicare that disability offered me. My meds ended being 663.00!! I wasn't going to pay for that amount! So I went off and boy all those dreams and goals I have went out the window. I started to not shower, red flag #2 , and not eat, red flag #3 and I started to act impulsive and act out. I'm in recovery so if my mental health is not in check then my recovery is gone too. I was scared and afraid. So I decided to trust my God of my understanding. I did end up paying for my meds and they are working on trying to lower the price.
Today, I am back to myself again. I am stable and back to those amazing dreams and goals that I once had.
I can't say that something like this won't happen again to me. When I feel good I don't want to take my meds. I hope this scare will make me realize that not taking your meds on a daily basis will make me sick and I love my life today. I matter. I might have mental health along with my addiction, however I am strong, independent working woman today and thats something only I can't take away!

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TV shows

Have you ever sat back and thought how many TV shows ruined the typical family? #1 on that list for me is the “Brady Bunch”. Big nice house, a maid, all 6 kids got along. You never saw any kid on restriction or getting their butts whipped. #2 The Hallmark Christmas shows. People falling in a beautiful relationship and the Love that oozes out of each show. My wife and I would try and get all the family together at one time. My wife would be baking for days ( in between) work schedules. Always tired from it. Then everyone shows up, the grandkids open all their gifts up in seconds even though my wife would spend weeks wrapping them. Then dinner would start as well as the arguments between kids. It makes the movie National Lampoons Christmas Vacation look like a drama. Then as soon as they ate, they would all gather up their gifts and leave. My wife and I would look at all the torn wrapping paper all over the house, then look around the dining room and kitchen at all the dishes just laying there. 2 years ago we finally said no more. We now go out of town to avoid all of it. Yes, TV shows can definitely ruin the American family….David

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Another Great and Beautiful day!

I apologize for not writing earlier but it was a busy morning, I hope and pray that all of you are having a great day as well! Boss, we’re fixing to hit that 100,000 member mark which honestly I have mixed emotions about. #1 I hate to see anyone suffering #2 Though I’m glad they found this site! Prayers going out to Jessy on his interview tomorrow which I know he’ll do well on. I’ve read some post on here I never realized they existed. One in particular, please seek immediate help ! I won’t mention which one as all of you probably have read yourself. The brain is so complex. For the one judge mental individual, yes my granddaughter showed back up Sunday ( as we knew she would ) as we’ve been through this before. She spent her 3 days with my wife’s mother ( that’s 3 days longer then I could have made it ) yes her phone is back on ( after a long talk with her) . It’s her senior year so school is priority 1. Well again, I hope everyone is doing fine and I’ll see ya tomorrow God willing….David

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I’ll be off and on for a bit

I’m having to take some time off for just a bit. Trying to find and fix these 2 screen room leaks has turned into a issue. Different ways to approach this is #1 take the complete roof off, clean and reseal #2 replace the whole porch #3 keep trying and get lucky lol. I’m dodging major thunderstorms, heat, not knowing what my wife and her mother are planning. Not sure if she’s planning to move her mother in as well. If that’s the case a room addition will have to be added. I did get a couple things accomplished today. I lost my rambling post this morning. Thank full that someone found it. Cleaned the house, only 1 trip to Home Depot, and mowed the yard even when it started pouring! I’ve laid in bed a couple of times only to think about that patio roof. ( things like that keep me awake lol ) wishing everyone a restful night and prayers going out to all. Think positive!…David. P.S. practical turtle, keep me posted on how things go…David

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